How the Story Unfolds
by LaLizi
Summary: An account of the conversations we didn't see take place in 2X01 and how everybody finds out about Bates and Anna. Lord Grantham, Cora, Mr Carson, Mrs Hughes, and Mary will factor in the story. Chapter 14 - Ms. O'Brien is up!
1. Mr Bates and Lord Grantham

**I am new at fanfiction and this is my first story ever. I wanted to write something for all of the Anna/Bates fans, because we seem to be currently outnumbered by the other ships. I have read so many great pieces and thought it was my turn to give back. I've tried to use neutral wording, but, I am not British, so, sorry if it sounds too American.  
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**In S1, we went from nobody knowing about Bates and Anna to everybody in S2 knowing about it and accepting it. For the interest of time, I understand why JFellows would not include any scenes pertaining to the discovery of the relationship. There was no backlash for Anna, even if the constraints of the time would call her the "other woman". I want to explore everybody's reactions when they find out and some missing conversations between them, all set from the day he returns from his mother's funeral, to a little after he leaves with Vera. I am also assuming that up until 2X01, their relationship had remained exactly as it was throughout S1.  
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**In this Chapter I explore what Lord Grantham was thinking when Bates spoke to him about Anna. If you like or don't like, let me know. I seek to learn by other fanfiction veterans  
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**Since everybody does a disclaimer, I will too. I don't own any of the characters, they all belong to JFellows and Carnival.  
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**ASKING PERMISSION**

Lord Grantham was in his library trying hard to concentrate on the newspaper story he was reading when he heard the recognizable noise of his valet's wooden cane tapping against the parquet flooring of the great hall. That he heard it at all was amazing. The great hall was a cacophony of sounds and movement, as the entire staff and family worked hard to prepare for the benefit concert that would be held later that afternoon. He had just sought refuge from all of the commotion, hoping to have few minutes of serenity before the events of that evening started.

Bates? He thought to himself. Only earlier he had asked Carson when his valet would be expected back in Downton. As an only son, he had given him leave to attend to his mother's funeral and to arrange all of her affairs. He knew this could take several more days and Carson had confirmed this, mentioning that they had received word just recently.

Carson had conveyed that he would be back in a couple of days, but the tap, tap, tap he heard was undeniably a sign that Bates had come back. Just then, the door of the library opened and the valet was there himself, reporting back to duty.

"I beg your pardon, Lord Grantham. I am home and ready to begin my duties". Bates looked happier than ought to be right for a moment like this. His mother had just passed, and yet he was slightly grinning.

With that thought on his mind, Lord Grantham asked: "Is it all settled, then? Will you have to go back?"

"Most of my mother's affairs are now settled", he answered. "I still have the property she left me and will need to decide what to do with it soon. But, I will see to the house the next time your Lordship needs to be in London. I won't worry about that just now".

Bates shifted his weight from his injured leg to that of his healthy leg and it seemed he was taller and a bit more confident. "Your Lordship, May I have a word? I have another rather important endeavor that will take me back to London that I must talk to you about. I need to seek your guidance and permission on an important matter".

"Oh?"

"I must speak to you of Vera. After six years of not knowing where she is, she has finally turned up. She's in London and I have written to her."

"Oh My". Robert knew that Vera had been a nasty piece of work. Bates did not say much about her, but the information Anna had provided to him a year ago, had led him to understand just how detrimental a factor she had been in his life. He also thought back to their times during the Boer War. Most of the married men, when scared, would take out pictures of their wives and weep or reminisce. Bates never did. Whenever the men shared of their desires to go back to the homes they shared with their loved ones, Bates would always turn away. Once he went so far as to state that he had nothing to look forward to in England and that he might as well just stay in Africa.

Bates continued: "Your Lordship. My mother left me enough money that I can pay for our legal situation to be resolved. I hope to settle matters with her and provide for her comfort, if she will agree to a divorce. Does your Lordship see fit that I can go about with this process?"

Lord Grantham was a little unsettled. He knew seeking a divorce was always something to be requested as a last resort and not ever done by those in proper society. He knew that that marriage was over and had been for years, but he wasn't sure that Bates needed to pursue a divorce. He was really curious and asked, "But Bates….how will the court grant your divorce? On What grounds would you seek to dissolve your marriage? "

Feeling a little embarrassed just then, a flushed Bates continued: "I will take the blame your Lordship. On my return to London, I will seek the company of a wanton woman and give Vera recourse to claim adultery. I have no qualms in allowing Vera to be the injured party, as long as his Lordship does not see it as an offense to the pride of Downton to employ somebody's whose reputation will be tarnished in this way. I seek not to besmirch the good name of Lord Grantham or his family."

"You've no other recourse, other than this? " Surely, there must be another way?"

"She has been untrue in the past, but, I cannot prove it. She has been very clever in her deception and I have no evidence. Taking the blame will earn her cooperation and it will be the easiest way out for both of us."

"Why do you think she'll accept? She may not want to accept the shame of being divorced."

"Vera is a very greedy woman. I am prepared to offer her the majority of the money my mother left me. This will secure her future in comfort. She would be crazy to deny such an offer. "

Lord Grantham was touched that his valet would readily give his honor and money away to accomplish this. He was only a little worried about the timing. Bates seemed a little rushed in getting this done. "Must you do this now?"

"I must do this now because I do not want to be associated with her any longer. I do not want to delay this when it is clear that Vera and I will never be happy together. Also, I do not want her to disappear again. And, most importantly, if I can get the divorce, I have plans for a different future. "

John lowered his gaze slightly, aware that the most important part of today's revelations was about to be shared with his employer. If only he would understand.

Plans for a different Future? Robert asked himself, his brow furrowing when he heard this. For a moment, he felt lost with this last part of the conversation. He was entirely confused.

Bates sensed his confusion, having seen Lord Grantham's brow furrow and demeanor change. He pressed further.

"Allow me to explain. I seek to be completely truthful in the full extent of my plans. You have been very kind to me, even after everything you have known about my past and I am very keen to continue in your employ. I wish to gain your approval on another personal matter. I feel I cannot move forward without your knowledge and consent. I wish to acquire a divorce, because"…. And he paused nervously, "because, I would very much like to marry again. "

"Bates! You, wish to marry again?" Lord Grantham was surprised. Now he understood why, with his mother recently passed, Bates could be grinning. He had never known John Bates to have a sweetheart, mistress or any feminine interests. Knowing how lonely Bates was, he'd never even seen him distracted by any pretty girls on the street when they were in London. Bates was married and since he had reformed his ways, had been a model of morality and integrity. This request, to talk about marriage when his first was still very much legally binding, under most circumstances, would be highly improper. He needed to understand more about what Bates meant by wanting to marry and gestured for Bates to continue.

"You see your Lordship, I've scarcely allowed myself to hope that one day I would find Vera again and that I would be able to erase my mistake. I'm no longer a young man and getting another opportunity to have a family is more than I deserve. But, I would very much like to try. Finding her gives me this hope. I can assure you that I have thought of how to approach this matter honorably and properly. My intended is unaware of what I desire, as I wish her character and reputation to remain solid and uncompromised. I also don't even know if she would have me, as a divorced, older man with an injury. I have nothing to offer her if I cannot remain in your employ and if I cannot gain this divorce, thus, I must seek your permission to affirm or deny this petition. If affirmed, I will go to her and seek an answer for the question I so long to ask."

Lord Grantham was a little relieved to see the issue presented to him in this manner. Apparently, his valet had maintained the decorum that was required in a situation such as this. He felt relieved, and was actually starting to feel happy for him. He rather smiled at Bates, who until then seemed to be holding his breath. With a mischievous grin, he asked:

"Am I to know the name of the woman that has captivated you enough Bates for you to want to propose? "

"It is Anna Smith, your head Housemaid. " Bates smiled back.

"Our Anna? Why, she is much younger than you." Lord Grantham was momentarily shocked.

"Yes, your Lordship. Anna is younger than I, but, hardly a child. "

Lord Grantham at first was surprised by their age difference. He calculated between 15-20 years, but quickly stopped any further thinking on this point. He, himself, almost two years ago, had allowed Edith to spend so much time with Sir Antony Strallan. Their association at that time shared the same age gap. If their relationship had not been a problem, he could find no fault in this one.

It also made sense that Bates would consider Anna. She had selflessly pursued the truth regarding his conviction for theft and took it upon herself to save his post. For a housemaid to undertake such actions, Lord Grantham surely thought that Anna might be smitten with Bates. Also, if Bates wanted children, she was still young enough to be a mother.

Robert considered not asking the next question, as it might be considered inappropriate, but, he was too intrigued to stop. "Do you have any reason to believe that she would or would not have you if you proposed?"

Bates was a little surprised that Lord Grantham would ask him this question and thought about how to best answer. He knew Anna had confessed her love years ago, and while he had always hinted of his love, there was still so much he did not know or dare ask of his Anna. They had spent countless hours in the courtyard and servants hall sharing innocent moments, talking, sometimes their fingers intertwined as they held hands, but he never allowed any of their conversations to deal with the issue of love. He could never be sure that he had anything to offer her, so, he made sure that the topic was never brought up. Sure, they had almost kissed once and she had remained by his side through thick and thin, defending him and seeking the truth when his past was discovered. She had even provided support through the heartbreak of his mother's loss. Still, he could not be sure that she would still want him in that way, and he endeavored to answer as honestly as he could.

"We share an affection borne of friendship. As a married man, I have never discussed any possibilities with her, as I have not wished to promise or imply any sort of attachment beyond the friendship we share. Years ago, she might have conferred some feelings and I told her I was married. Since then, Anna's sense of duty and loyalty towards the house and her desire to set an example for her younger charges has dictated her actions. I am sure that her steadfast morals have not allowed her to develop any further sentiments towards the foolish married man I am. My regard for her may very well not be returned. Although a loyal friend, she is a sensible young woman and it may not appeal to her to accept a man, branded inferior through the stigma of divorce and infirmity. So, you see, your Lordship- I do not know".

Lord Grantham heard him talk about Anna and noticed how the usually stoic Bates was transformed. A smile was creeping upon him and there was much hope in his eyes. This was so different than the very early version of Bates he had known during the war and the Bates he knew since his arrival in Downton. He had no real sense of purpose in his life and his gaze was usually vacant and soul-less. It seemed that there was finally purpose in his life and he knew then, that he could not be the one to deny this man the opportunity of a full life.

"Well, Bates. I cannot question your choice of woman. Besides being lovely and kind, Anna has been exemplary in the years she has labored for us. For your sake, I hope she agrees, and with that, I bid my consent. Go forward with your divorce and if you desire to propose to Anna, the Crawley family will not get in your way.

Mr. Bates flashed a reserved smile as his heart leapt for joy. Lord Grantham understood everything he had proposed and was allowing him to move forward. Something in his life was finally working out for him.

Lord Grantham continued: "I do not wish to offend you or her by stating some obvious guidelines that you must already foresee, but, I will state them anyway. If she accepts, Carson and Mrs. Hughes must be made aware. Even with your desire to obtain a divorce, you currently do not have it, or Mrs. Bates' consent, so, you must be keenly aware that Anna's acceptance of your proposal puts her in a compromised situation. You could not possibly court her in the manner that would be naturally assumed. You would have to understand that your every action, and hers would be scrutinized for any hint of indecency. You are an honorable man, no doubt, and will understand that she could be marked permanently if you were to get too "close" to her, regardless of your future intention.

Lord Grantham stopped to look at Bates and to make sure he had not been offended by his words.

"Yes, your Lordship", Bates answered. " I fully understand your position and the situation in which I will place Anna. Please be assured that I will always act in accordance to the high moral standard that this house and her honor bid me to follow. I will keep you informed of any outcome."

"Bates, when your divorce is granted, and you have gained a bride, we'll see about moving you to one of the cottages that Matthew has renovated. " I don't see why you shouldn't continue to be my valet.

"How generous your Lordship. Thank you for this consideration on your part. I bid you farewell, as I must prepare your uniform for tonight's concert."

With that, Bates turned to leave, eager to find Anna. The uniform could wait a few more minutes.


	2. Getting the Proposal Right

**This is still the same day as his arrival and the permission granted by Lord Grantham.**

**I bet there are people out there who think, just like I, that Anna deserved a better proposal. "If that's what you want to call it", simply did not do it for me. They did stay in the courtyard a little longer and this is how that conversation continued….**

**Getting the Proposal Right**

They were in their favorite corner of the courtyard, near the arches. The coolness of the evening enveloped them. The family was about to start dinner and Anna had managed to steal a few minutes before she was needed. They were in their own little world.

His darling Anna…. He had finally kissed her. He finally had her in his arms. They stayed locked in that embrace, arms around each other, holding themselves close. He did not want to let her go and she did not want to leave him.

They did not need to say anything. All he could think about in those few precious minutes was how long both had had to wait for this to happen and how the touch of her lips for the first time warmed his heart. He could finally allow himself to dream of a future with Anna.

He pulled her away for a moment, reaching for her hands, intertwining their fingers and bringing their now locked hands up to rest on his chest. He could see her lovely face. She was glowing, radiating the purest love. She was such an angel. He asked himself how he could be so lucky. He would never understand what she saw in him.

Reflecting on their previous conversation, he knew he had to make some things clear to Anna, as he hadn't really explained when she had asked if this was a proposal. He had said, "If that's what you want to call it", but that left so much room for future folly. Instead of being a proposal, it was more the promise of a proposal. He had to make sure she knew.

"Anna, you must know I desire to marry you. But I cannot ask you officially, until I can legally do so. Do you understand? "

After what seemed a really long time, she managed to say: "I understand. I think….?" He saw the look in her eyes change to that of confusion. She did not know if she should be happy or sad. His words contradicted what she believed he had been asking just a few moments before their kiss.

He was about to continue, but, the strong woman that she was, she quickly regained her confidence and boldly pressed forward. She untangled her hands from his and planted her palms firmly on her hips. With cheek in her voice, a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye, she demanded:

"Mr. Bates! You've really not proposed anything, then. Or have you? Did you just want to steal a kiss? If you don't want to get that smack, you'll not leave a girl guessing and you'll tell her properly what this proposal is."

He was surprised at her sass and chuckled. This was clearly not what he had expected her to say and her countenance was so adorable. She really deserved the best that he could give her, starting with a more proper proposal. He had to admit that he could do much better than he'd done. His first attempt was only Vera worthy. He had to find the words to make his words Anna worthy.

She pursed her lips playfully expecting an answer. She was used to his enigmatic conversations and was hoping to get a clear response from him.

"My darling Anna, you compel me to speak to you properly and I will." He took her hands into his once more and let his thumbs caress her knuckles. Her sassy demeanor started to melt away as he touched her. He gazed directly into her eyes intently until she was completely still. When he had her full attention, he spoke.

"Anna Mae Smith, I love you. I cannot think of a day, since I arrived, that you've not been present in my heart and in my thoughts. You are my guiding light and you make me want to be a better man. It is the thought of you that gets me through the day. You are the first thing that I think of when I wake and the last face I see when I go to sleep. I am not a free man, but I will strive to gain my freedom earnestly and as quickly as possible. I will work tirelessly to make that happen."

Without ever losing eye contact, he brought their clenched hands up to his lips and slowly, kissed hers gently. She trembled lightly as the tears started to well up within her. He continued.

"Will you Anna, accept the possibility of a future with this old man, once he can free himself of the chains that bind him? Will you agree to wait for a full marriage proposal, once I am allowed to ask you? Will you?"

Tears escaped her beautiful blue eyes as the emotion of the moment caught up with her. She was not expecting all of those declarations. She had always believed he loved her. She had seen it in his eyes, felt it in the way he treated her, but, until now, she had never heard him say it. It was an assault on her emotions to be so close to him and hear him affirm his love.

She tried to compose herself and responded wholeheartedly: "Oh Mr. Bates! Yes, of course I'll wait. I've waited to hear you say this to me for so long. That was right proper indeed."

With their hands still tightly clenched, she brought them down to rest on her heart and separated one of them so could caress his cheek.

"Now that you have pledged your love, I will pledge it back and promise that I will wait for you, as long as it takes. My feelings for you have never changed. I love you too and believe that there is no better man in the world for me than you. You will never have to question my devotion. I want to be able to take care of you and make you happy. "

They gazed lovingly at each other for seconds before the impulse to kiss each other overtook them.

She released his hand and put her hands on his shoulders for balance. Standing on the tips of her toes, she reached up and tilted her head and he came down to meet her lips. He put his arm around her waist and the other on her cheek. Still kissing, she wrapped her hands around his neck. It was deeper and much longer than their first chaste kiss. They still kept their restraint, but this kiss truly conveyed the depth of love that they shared for each other.

Pulling apart for air, and resting their foreheads together, Mr. Bates whispered sweetly, "Anna, my love. You make me a very happy man."

Anna whispered back, "And you, Mr. Bates, make me a very happy woman."

She then rested her head on his chest, listening to his heart beating. She laced her arms around his middle, pulling him to a tight hug. He held her tightly as well, afraid that this might be one of the few intimate moments they would be allowed to share during their long wait.

Aware that both would no doubt have to leave for their duties soon, Mr. Bates spoke once again to Anna.

"I am sorry for telling his Lordship first. You may not agree, but, I needed his consent on several issues before I could even talk to you. "

Because she still had her head against his chest, he could not see her face, but she said nothing, so he continued.

"I have no proof of any infidelity from Vera, although I know she had many lovers when we were still living together. I must go about the divorce in a way that may tarnish my honor by allowing Vera to be the injured party. I will have to pretend to have been adulterous and I needed to know from his Lordship that he would find it tolerable to keep me in his employ. I needed him to know that I was willing to do whatever was in my power to get this divorce so that I could move on with my life. I could not honorably pursue this divorce, and once finished, pursue you, unless he understood the full extent of my plans."

"Oh. Mr. Bates…." Is all she could say and sighed. He could still not see her face. He was not sure if that was a sign of resignation or protest. "What else?" she continued.

Bates acquiesced and continued. "I could not bear the thought of us having this conversation, getting our hopes up, and having his Lordship not approve. If I found myself without this post, we would find it harder to be near each other and I couldn't bear it if I no longer could see you every day. Also, with this bothersome leg, I might not find another suitable post that would allow me to provide for you comfortably. I had to tell him."

Anna looked up at him and he could see there was no resentment present. She took a few seconds to gather her thoughts.

"I understand the reasoning and logic behind your motivations. I do….. Really I do. This is now forgotten in my mind…."

She paused and moved her arms to lie flat against his chest. "If we are to start a path together, from this moment on, promise me, John Bates, that we will be walking together, side by side. I cannot be a step behind, wondering where I belong in this process, or be the last to know about things that have a direct bearing on my life. Promise me you'll always tell me everything. Even if it hurts."

He nodded in understanding. "You are right my love" and kissed her forehead." I'll not keep you in the dark about my plans in the future. You will always know what is happening".

She smiled at his response.

John had to tell her about the rest of his conversation with Lord Grantham. It would not be easy. After holding her and experiencing what it was to feel her lips on his, he realized that complying would be harder than he ever thought. Those lips deserved to be kissed. He had no qualms when in the library with his Lordship, but, now, it would take so much more restraint than he ever thought possible.

"Anna, I must tell you the last of what Lord Grantham has bid me we understand about his consent. We are to tell Mrs. Hughes and Mr. Carson of my situation and our future intentions. He has urged me to be honorable in every sense of the word and has reminded me that while I have the desire and will to pursue a divorce, I do not have it yet, nor Vera's approval. As such, our association will be misconstrued by many as illicit and it will compromise your reputation. "

Anna blushed and asked in quite a surprised manner, "His Lordship spoke of my reputation"?

Mr. Bates conceded. "Indirectly. He made me understand that this situation had the potential to compromise you and bid me be weary of getting too close. He consents that I may ask for the promise of your affection, but we have no right to act upon it. He does not want me to put you in a difficult situation.

Anna reacted and pulled away from him so that she could fully see him. "What does it mean"?

"It means….." he paused for a moment. "That after this moment, I can no longer hold you the way I want, or the way we have held each other tonight. It means that I cannot kiss you, lest we be discovered and make things worse. We cannot discuss or imply publicly, in any way of our promise to each other. We will know privately about this commitment, but nobody can know or understand of it, until all is settled. We must concede his point and act appropriately. Do you understand?"

Anna couldn't reply. So she said nothing. She just looked Mr. Bates in the eye, with the saddest of expressions. How could she tell him that she understood, she was a good girl and knew what was proper, but was absolutely disappointed that he would not even try to steal a kiss. She had waited for so long to have any contact with him, only to have it taken back just as quickly.

"Anna, this is painful for me too", he said.

After his admission, she finally replied, "I would rather have you with all of those conditions than not at all. I've already promised to wait, and I will do as you and he bid. I trust you Mr. Bates. Just promise me one thing?"

"What?" He asked.

Can you still tell me you love me every time I need to hear it?

"Of course, my love." This does not mean we cannot associate at all. We'll do as we always have and I'll tell you as often as I can. He hugged her once again to reinforce his point.

With a bit of fear now reflected on her face, she pulled back. "I must go now or surely they will come to find me and we will be discovered." She turned to leave and paused momentarily. Mr. Bates took advantage of the momentary pause, taking her arm and swinging her backwards to face him once again. "I said I could no longer kiss you after this moment, but this moment is not over". They kissed one last time, with so much love and longing that she had a hard time pulling away. Bound by duty, she finally left him, standing in the courtyard alone.


	3. Mary and Anna

**Thank you so much to all of you who reviewed and put my story on your alert or favorite. As my first fanfic, it means a lot to know what you think. **

**As for the story, this is still the same night. It is now Mary's POV as she discovers the truth about Anna and Mr. Bates. I ship this friendship too and hope that their conversation would have been something like this:**

Mary observed Anna that night as her hair was being brushed. The mirror's reflection showed an Anna whose face was slightly flushed and who was trying hard not to smile. She seemed happy – truly happy and her eyes twinkled. That was odd. Not that she couldn't be happy, or wasn't usually happy or didn't have a right to be, it just wasn't the usual Anna. She was also a little bit distracted. Not too much for it to be obvious, but enough for Mary to notice. After all, even if Anna was a servant, she had been her maid for nearly 8 out of the 15 years she'd been at Downton. Anna was usually very methodical and precise. She had certainly mastered her tasks and left little room for error. On this day, though, Anna didn't even flinch when the ribbon she would be using to plait her hair had fallen to the ground. Mary saw it flittering down through the mirror's reflection…. But Anna did not notice. It seemed she was miles away.

Anna was generally very calm, composed and aware. She had the ability to hear what was being said and reflect on what was not being said in any type of situation. This keen astuteness is why Mary appreciated her. Mary never needed to say anything, but Anna always knew what was in her mind and in her heart. Anna would always react appropriately and with great care and concern. Only earlier in the evening, after dressing her for the concert, Anna had managed to stay in her room, fussing with her clothes and bed, finding and excuse to keep herself there until Sybil, Edith and mother had left. They had all thought it best to inform Mary about Cousin Matthew's return and more importantly, his engagement. She didn't react in front of them, even managing to muster a smile. She dismissed the issue as non-important.

Anna, seeing through her responses, knew how painful this situation was for her and asked her if she was well. She was her pillar of support. When the tears came and she had cried, Anna's face showed compassion, concern and a soft steadfastness. She put her comforting arm on Mary's shoulder and would have hugged her if social conventions allowed. Anna then stayed with Mary until she had gathered enough courage to face her world.

After the whirlwind of events that evening, Mary was happy to be back in the comfort of her room. Papa's outburst during the concert, seeing Matthew again, meeting Ms. Lavinia Swire and putting up appearances to face the scrutinizing stares of her family, had all but worn her. Anna was a comforting sight when she appeared, ready to help her undress.

Mary could tell something was different about her. She couldn't explain it. There was an aura of confidence with a hint of mischief that radiated from her smile. She seemed different, but was still the same concerned and selfless girl. Her first thought had been to immediately inquire about Mary's feelings after having seen Matthew again.

"M'Lady, how did it go? Are you well"?

Although worn, she responded: "The afternoon was easier to survive than I had previously thought. Lavinia was quite sweet and Matthew was a gentleman. We've managed to make peace between us".

"So, Mr. Crawley really is engaged?"

As Anna helped Mary out of her clothes, Mary couldn't help but notice that even though Anna was asking the right questions, she wasn't all together there.

"Yes he is", Mary answered.

Then Mary remembered a snippet of conversation regarding servants she'd overheard her parents discussing as they bid the last of their concert guests farewell. She had discharged this as non-essential information as she really couldn't bother herself with what was going on in the lives of their employees. Well, that wasn't true. She would bother herself it was about Anna and Carson and the information seemed to not be about them, so, she quickly dismissed it as quickly as she had heard it.

She remembered that her mother had turned to see Bates standing guard at a distance, a task he had been asked to undertake while the house was full of concert patrons. Since nobody but Mary was immediately around them, she turned to Robert and casually commented:

"I am surprised that Mr. Bates is already working so quickly after his mother's passing".

Mother knew what regard father had for him and was happy that Bates was back. In a house full of women, Bates was a little more than a servant to him.

Father had promptly answered that he was quickly recovered and quite shocked at what had transpired that afternoon before being dressed.

"Oh? How so? "Mother asked.

Father responded rather amused, "Bates has asked for my guidance concerning some private matters that include getting married and still staying in service. I rather think this means that he is surely over his mother's loss. "

Her mother had been surprised, going so far as to clasp her hands in amazement and approval.

"He wants to get married? How wonderful", she exclaimed.

Father had recoiled at her excitement and added that she wouldn't be, once he was able to provide more details. Mr. Bates' sweetheart appeared to be one of the housemaids and they would likely lose another servant. At that precise moment Matthew approached them and mother had no opportunity to ask what he meant, so, father had promptly whispered that he would explain everything later.

Could that housemaid be Anna? She had dismissed the conversation, but, she now had a sneaking suspicion. Anna with Bates? Was it possible? In their eight years together, Mary had never known Anna to be sweet on anyone. But then, it occurred to Mary that she had never asked and Anna would never voluntarily give that information. Anna always knew what was going on in Mary's world, but Mary never knew what was going on in Anna's. Would she dare ask now?

She returned to look at Anna again through the mirror's reflection and noticed the precise moment when Anna realized she had dropped the ribbon. Still holding the ends of Mary's hair in one hand, she bent down to get it, accidentally bumping the hair brush with her elbow. As it flew into the air, Anna tried catching it with her hand still clutching the ends of Mary's hair. Her head was pulled backwards, in a sudden jerked movement. Anna realized what she had done and dropped everything – ribbon, hair and hairbrush. She immediately shrunk a little and lowered her eyes, so embarrassed at the physical pain she had caused Mary and upset for bringing attention to herself. She immediately said her apologies:

"Sorry M'Lady. I am so, so, sorry! "

She was still frozen with her eyes cast downwards and could not bring herself to touch Mary's hair again until she had said something. Anna thought for certain she would be yelled at, but instead, Mary laughed.

She looked up, with a half surprised, half apologetic look. She clearly wanted to laugh too, but, was still too scared to react, realizing what she had just done. Deep inside, Anna was thankful that this situation had happened with Mary and not with Edith, as Edith would have surely been harsher in her reaction.

Anna was a little surprised at what happened next.

Mary had been waiting for the moment to ask Anna about her distraction and thought that this would be the perfect moment.

"Anna, you are a little distracted this afternoon. You seem to be a different person now than when you came to dress me earlier. Has something happened to you? Are you ok?"

Anna rolled her eyes, so, excited to say something, but, remembering her place, answered gently – "No M'Lady. Sorry M'Lady, nothing has happened. I am perfectly fine. I am just tired from preparing the concert".

Anna immediately lowered her head again, hoping that Mary had not read through her lie, but Mary was not fooled as it was too obvious that this was not what she had wanted to say.

"Really, Anna… I'd like to believe you, but, I think there really is something. If you are in trouble, I'd like to help. If you are happy, I'd like to know. Would you tell me?

Anna looked up again and saw the face of a very imploring Mary. Mary had always been kind to her. They were almost friends or would have been friends if their social status allowed, but, could she really say what was on her mind? Could she really talk about Mr. Bates? He'd only just spoken to her after the concert, so, she just wasn't even sure she believed it herself. It had only been a few hours and Lord Grantham did not want their connection publicly known. She would have to trust that Lady Mary was interested wholeheartedly and would keep her tongue on the matter.

"Well"-, she started. "The man I love and have loved for some time now has finally come to his senses. I have been given the promise of marriage in the future."

"Oh Anna!" Mary exclaimed. "Is it Bates?" Mary was rather proud that she might have guessed and hoped for a positive answer.

Rather taken aback that Mary knew it was Mr. Bates, Anna nodded in agreement and asked, "Pardon me, M'Lady. How did you know it was him? Has my regard for him been that apparent?"

"No, it has not been apparent, at least to me, that you've had any regard for him at all. It was just something I heard father tell mother about Bates wanting to marry someone. Father didn't say who and I never imagined it was you until now."

This admission seemed to calm Anna a little. Anna momentarily worried that her devotion to Mr. Bates might be too obvious and that the Crawley family might already fancy her a flirt or improper woman. From her earlier conversation with Mr. Bates, she already knew that Lord Grantham had worried about her reputation.

Mary continued, "How very exciting for you. I gather you said yes, as that smile on your face could mean nothing else."

"Yes M'Lady. I accepted and am quite happy. Mr. Bates is a good man."

"I will hate to lose you when you go. " Mary paused when she said this and made eye contact with Anna, hoping Anna understood just how sad she really would be. From seeing countless other maids in this situation, Mary already knew that once a girl married, she was released from service. Anna would be no different, wanting to set up her own home to attend to her new husband. Losing her would be imminent and she would dread that moment. Making preparations in her mind, Mary asked:

"How soon will you marry? "

"Not soon. I will be with you for a while longer. "

"Will you wait a few months, then?"

Anna did not know how to answer this, as she did not know herself. In her haste to get back to work, she hadn't asked Mr. Bates about the divorce process. There simply hadn't been enough time to discuss everything and she had no real knowledge of the entire process at all.

"I don't know how long Lady Mary. It depends on the court system and judges." Anna knew that the conversation would now take a different tone.

"The court system and judges"? Mary was really confused by that answer. She thought to herself, "What do courts and judges have to do with this?"

Anna took a deep breath and continued, "Lady Mary, I must tell you something that I hope can remain private between us. "

"What is it Anna? "

She would just say it and hope for the best. "Mr. Bates is currently married".

Up to know, the conversation had transpired while Mary continued in her chair, looking at Anna through the mirror while Anna attempted to redo Mary's hair. This revelation, though, was too much and Mary swung around in her chair to face Anna directly. Thinking Mary would be upset and before she could be admonished or condemned, Anna continued:

"Oh M'Lady we've done nothing improper. I assure you I've not stolen him away. I am no wanton woman." Anna blushed and her voice weakened when she said that. "He's not seen her in years, not since before he came to Downton. He didn't even know where she was. They've never really been married the way we want to be married. "

Mary was shocked, but, she knew, that of all people, she could not be the one to pass any sort of moral judgment. She was more surprised that Bates would have the nerve to propose and that Anna would have accepted him, before any of his legal difficulties could be resolved. It was hard for Mary to know how to respond to this. Thankfully, she didn't have to, because Anna continued with more explanations.

"He's just now found her and has asked for a divorce. His mother has left him some money and he is prepared to pay for the divorce expenses and provide her with funds for a comfortable life if she accepts. "

After hearing this, Mary could not keep quiet any longer.

"But why would Bates propose to you if everything is still not settled? Why would you agree if you are still not certain of the outcome? This is rather impulsive on both your parts, and I should add, that you are taking a huge risk Anna." The tone of Mary's voice turned sour at the end of the phrase.

"Can I speak my mind, M'Lady?" Anna understood that Mary would be concerned, but Anna felt a little agitated and wanted to be very frank in her answer.

Mary consented. "I want you too. Please go ahead."

"Mr. Bates first arrived at Downton four years ago and I have loved him almost since then."

Mary was surprised at this revelation and realized that she really didn't know anything about her maid's life.

Anna continued, "I've always believed that he loved me, hoped and dreamed that he did, but never really knew until today. We've always been good friends, yet he has never spoken of his love or any possibilities between us because without knowing where Mrs. Bates was, there were just no options. She's finally just turned up, before his mother's death. "

She paused to compose herself and gather more air.

"The way I see it, when you have lived in the misery of darkness for so long and you finally see a light at the end of the tunnel, all you want to do is run towards the light to see if you can get to the source. I'll not fault him for running towards me and allowing me to be that light. "

Mary smiled in response. It was rather sweet what Anna had just said.

Anna continued, "Would I prefer that he was already divorced, and that we could marry tomorrow? Yes. I would, but that is not an option right now and I would rather wait for his divorce knowing that we will be together some day than continue as we have, with no promise of anything at all. "

"But, others may not see it your way. Are you not at all worried? "Mary's tone had softened and Anna could tell that she was more genuinely concerned than upset.

Anna answered, "Mr. Bates spoke to his Lordship today and explained everything about the divorce and his plans to marry me. Your father was very supportive of all of Mr. Bates' plans and it wasn't until after that conversation that he came to me to speak of his intentions. At your father's urging, we will also tell Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes. I agree, as we do not wish to keep our intentions secret. I believe that hiding our truth from our superiors would make it seem more illicit than it really is. We'll tell no one else until the divorce is settled. Everybody else will see things as they have been until now. It will be no different. We are just friends and there is no intention of impropriety from either of us. I am not worried."

"Still, people may ostracize you for marrying a divorced man, no matter how things transpire. Are you ready for what people may think? Just Look at me. You of all people know how the Mr. Pamuk affair has affected my life. "

"Yes. M'Lady. I do see that others may not agree…. But, it's done. He's asked and I've promised. I've no desire to turn back. I'll face whatever consequences may come."

Mary turned back on her chair to face the mirror again. Upon hearing Anna's last words, Mary imagined that there really was nothing else she could question Anna about. All Mary wanted was to make sure that she wasn't being fooled into a false promise by Bates. She knew nothing dishonorable about him, but some men preyed on foolish girls and she did not want Anna to be one of them. Not like she had been. She had too high a regard for her to see her go through something similar. This was a highly unusual situation, but, Mary was also comforted by the assurance that her father had in fact supported Bates' intentions. If father had been privy to the plan, then Bates' love for her was surely real.

This made Mary happy for her. She saw Anna embracing a future with the man she loved. Anna did not seem bothered that she would face a long wait and many challenges. Mary then reflected on her life and how it seemed their realities were worlds apart. She could have had the same future, with the promise of a man she loved and one who loved her. She had been very close to obtaining that. The difference was that Anna was brave and she was not. She had foolishly let the opportunity with Matthew slip away when it had been hers and now he was betrothed to that silly sweet girl they had all just met. She now had nothing.

With this realization ready to betray her emotions, she spoke to Anna once more so that she would not cry again.

"You are very brave. Please be careful. You have a lot more to lose than he does. You'll have to be very smart about everything you do. Should a scandal ensue, they'll want to turn you out and I depend on you entirely too much to see you leave in this manner". This last part, she said with an inflection in the tone, meaning to lighten the mood.

"Yes. M'Lady", she answered as she smiled. For Anna, this seemed to be Mary's blessing. Not that she needed one or wanted one, but, she had a high regard for Mary and Anna did not want to think that Mary was in fact against their plans. It would have vexed her to know that she did not have her support.

Anna had already finished Mary's hair, so, there seemed to be nothing else that Mary needed. She felt that the conversation had ended too.

Just to be sure, she asked, "Will there be anything else, M'Lady?"

"No. Thank You. Go rest. You've had quite an eventful day."

"Thank You M'Lady. Good Night".

As Anna moved towards the door, Mary added, "Anna, I am very happy for you."

Anna smiled and with that, left the room.


	4. Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes

**Writing this chapter was harder than I thought. It is twice as long as the others. Maybe I should have split them into 2, but, I wanted to treat both Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes in the same conversation. Sorry if it is a little long. **

* * *

**Telling Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes**

To any of the others present in the servant's hall that evening, there was nothing different. They had all been called upon to help set up the concert and had all also been expected to help take everything apart. This extra work had exerted everybody considerably and their exhaustion had not allowed them to notice the new demeanor that Anna and Bates had shown. They couldn't stop smiling and their supper time had been a test for both of them. They had only just shared in a significant moment of their lives together and there they sat at their normal places, side by side, resisting the urge to sit closer, to hold hands, and to gaze into each other's eyes. They instinctively had figured out that while they shouldn't touch each other publicly, they could let their ankles rest next to each other and nobody would know. That was all they could do for now, and even this meager contact felt good.

They were called almost at the same time, together with O'Brien, to attend to the Crawley family's sleep preparations. O'Brien led the way, but both Anna and Mr. Bates walked a little slower so that they could have a few meters of distance and a minute of privacy. All Anna wanted to determine was what the plan for telling Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes would be. Mr. Bates managed to whisper that they should try after breakfast and when the Crawleys had completed their breakfast as well. Tomorrow would be the day.

Both Anna and Mr. Bates woke with much enthusiasm and energy. The promise of a new life lay ahead of them. When Ethel was fully awake, Anna opened the window in their room to let the fresh air in. It seemed fitting that the sun shone brighter and it was a beautiful day. Both had been among the first to descend for breakfast, anxious to see their beloved before the room was flooded with the others. They managed a deep smile and profound gaze for a few instants before the normal hub of activity permeated their morning.

After the Crawleys had had their breakfast and the late morning's routine had taken over, Mr. Bates and Anna had gone to the servants hall to await the perfect moment to initiate the much anticipated conversation. When they sensed that the moment was right, Mr. Bates went to Mr. Carson's pantry while Anna intercepted Mrs. Hughes and steered her in the same direction.

When all four were in the room together, the door was closed. Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes looked at the pair of servants with curiosity and a bit of impatience, as neither understood why it was that they had been summoned for this meeting.

The awkward silence was broken by Mr. Bates who finally spoke. "I beg your pardon for interrupting your activities, but, his Lordship has bid me to come forward and discuss with both of you an issue of a very personal nature. Anna is here because this concerns her too. "

"Oh?" was the only response Mr. Carson could produce. His right eyebrow slightly arched as he shifted uncomfortably. Discussions regarding Issues of personal nature were not welcomed by him and they needn't be discussed in the workplace. When absolutely necessary, they were best handled by Mrs. Hughes. He was not at all happy that he had been trapped into this moment, but, couldn't really excuse himself, so, he gestured to the valet to continue.

Mrs. Hughes just stood quietly. She believed she might know what this was about and didn't dare show any emotion until it was confirmed. What other issue of a personal nature that concerned Anna would he need to talk about? It could only be one thing. She had seen it for years, wondered even about them, but never said much because they showed so much discipline and restraint in their dealings with each other, that anybody but her would have doubted that they were together at all. They couldn't fool her, though. She could see their undeclared devotion to each other. She knew Anna really well, having shared the last 15 years as a mentor and mother to her. Not once before Mr. Bates' arrival had any other man captured Anna's attention. She had hoped that something good and proper would come of it and wondered if this was finally the day that they would share good news.

Bates continued, "I have been here almost four years and I am not sure if I have ever disclosed that I am a married man. His Lordship might have informed you when my application as valet was accepted. Although it is not a secret, it is not something that I care to discuss publicly. His Lordship, though, has known this since our time together at war."

Mr. Carson, still uncomfortable with the conversation that was ensuing confirmed, "Yes, Mr. Bates. I was made aware by Lord Grantham when the issue concerning your incarceration and former vice was brought forth."

"I was not aware", trilled a surprised Mrs. Hughes, whose visibly agitated, yet subtly restrained voice conveyed the dissatisfaction of having been excluded from this information.

Did she hear right? He was married? This news was incredulous. A slow burn crept up body until she felt fully perturbed. She did not know if she was more upset that Mr. Carson knew and had not felt the need or had forgotten to communicate this, or that Anna seemingly was at ease with this bit of news. Upon hearing the word "married", she had turned to look at the housemaid and Anna did not even flinch which could only mean that she knew and did not care. She regretted not having known this important fact, as she would have never let Anna attach herself to this man. She could only imagine the repercussions…

Mr. Bates could see the displeasure this news caused in Mrs. Hughes and knew that it was borne of concern for Anna, so he continued, hoping that the rest of his information eased some of her worries. As emotionless as he could, he declared, "My marriage has been over for many years and I would like to announce my intention to seek a divorce."

Both Mrs. Hughes and Mr. Carson's eyes opened wide at the mention of the word "divorce".

Mr. Bates did not want to explain any more details about his wife or relationship and neither Mr. Carson nor Mrs. Hughes reacted quickly enough to say anything if they had wanted to, so he continued:

"Starting these proceedings will force me to return to London in the coming days to work with a solicitor on the required papers. I still do not know what the entire process will entail, but I am certain that I will be called back to London several more times before all is settled. It is also likely that my solicitor will need to contact me via the telephone."

Up until that moment, Mr. Bates' had been very business-like, but his tone became more humble when he tried to express his regret at the impact that the process would have on his employers.

"I seek to disrupt my work as little as possible and hope that the process can be expedited and done in absentia when possible, but I cannot fully know yet what the true impact will be."

Mr. Bates paused again, "I have only decided to follow this course of action when I knew that I could count on his Lordship's full support. He is now aware and has consented. I would like to ask for your support as well. "

Mr. Carson was the first to speak. He was appalled at the idea of divorce at Downton. None of the Crawley family would have considered it, so it was unusual they would have their first taste of it by somebody from their own lot. Nobody they'd ever had in service had wanted one, but that was more because nobody ever remained in service after getting married. He didn't think that anybody from their lot could even pay for one if they wanted one, so, how Mr. Bates had the financial means to get one was also a mystery to him. For the sake of an untarnished Downton, he would have liked to counsel Mr. Bates against it. Mr. Bates may not be a member of the family or a man of social standing, but, as valet to the Earl, he was close enough for some people to make absurd associations. Still, if his Lordship had already approved the matter, he knew that it would be a waste of his time to do any sort of counseling. Yet, he knew he had to be true to his ideals and voice his rejection of the concept, even if it was ever so subtle. In his "I-am-Mr.-Carson-the-Butler" stern tone, he set out to voice his opinion:

"We've never had talk of divorce at Downton. This is extremely unusual and distressing. We would have preferred a different course of action for you, but if his Lordship sees no problem and has consented, we'll assist as necessary."

Mr. Bates nodded in appreciation and turned to look at Mrs. Hughes. She was still visibly agitated and he was more concerned with what she had to say.

Mrs. Hughes was not as troubled over the disgrace a divorce of Downton as Mr. Carson was. There were more important things to think about than the honor of Downton. Mr. Carson had failed to think about Anna and why Mr. Bates brought her along. Mr. Carson was a rather smart man, but was no expert in matters of the heart. She was sure he even thought that the conversation was over. But, no… she knew that it was not over. She'd never discussed it with him and wasn't sure he'd noticed how close Anna and Mr. Bates were.

She still did not know what to make of this divorce revelation as it concerned Anna and wanted that discussed immediately, so, rather than support or reject the notion of the divorce itself; she turned to Anna and asked sarcastically, "Anna, I would very much like to know what you think about this matter?"

Anna blushed when confronted by Mrs. Hughes. She knew what Mrs. Hughes was inferring, but she had not expected this question so soon. If her revelation to Lady Mary last night taught her anything, it was that she would have to defend their love, but, she thought that she'd be defending it after Mr. Bates confirmed his full intentions. They hadn't gotten to that part yet and she was not going to be the one to reveal their truth. That topic needed to be introduced by Mr. Bates.

Mr. Carson broke in. "Is this opinion necessary? It has been settled and there is no need for a discussion."

Anna turned towards Mr. Bates imploringly, just as the valet decided to interject , "Before Anna gives her opinion - there is something else that I need to disclose to you." He turned to look at Anna for reassurance and she smiled back at him, thankful that she didn't have to be the one to respond.

"Anna's opinion is important because I have asked her if she would consider giving me her affections when I have obtained this divorce. She has said yes and we intend to marry when all is settled."

With this news, Carson and Hughes appeared stunned and it took them a full minute to react to what had just been said.

Just in case he hadn't heard right, Carson reconfirmed what had just been said – "You're, going to get married?….. When you have the divorce? Is this what you just said?"

"Exactly", chimed in Anna as her grin widened, "I will marry him whenever it is finalized." Anna's eyes twinkled when she said this, capturing Mrs. Hughes attention.

No longer able to contain the emotions building up, Mrs. Hughes lashed out. "But… Anna! Do you understand what you are saying? Have you promised yourself to a married man? "

Anna looked Mrs. Hughes directly and intently when she gave her answer. She was not agitated by the force in the demanding voice and she wanted it to be known that she was strong and would not back away from Mr. Bates, regardless of reason or logic presented to her.

"I understand that John Bates is currently married and seeking a divorce. He has asked me if I would consider marrying him when this divorce is obtained. Yes, I would consider it. He will propose to me then. There has been no impropriety on his or my part. I have not promised myself to a married man. I have promised a married man that I will promise myself to him when he is not married. There is a big difference."

Bates also continued. "I have spoken to Lord Grantham about this and I assure you that he has also consented that I approach Anna with this question. I was very clear with Lord Grantham with the full extent of my plans and now your are aware too".

He turned to look at Anna confidently, and then faced Hughes and Carson again. "We do not seek to upset the balance of order downstairs. It is not our wish that this news be known among the rest of the household. Thus, I will not be courting Anna publicly, and you shall have no reason to be concerned about our actions. I do not seek to sully her reputation or the reputation of this house. It is with the most honorable of intentions that I stand before you today to discuss this. "

Mr. Bates thought that this declaration would surely appease them and provide the quick exit he had hoped for.

Mrs. Hughes was happy to hear his concern for Anna's reputation, but she was still not satisfied. She continued, with sarcasm built into her voice. "You seem very confident that you will secure this divorce. If you are that sure, why couldn't you wait to talk to Anna until you had achieved it?"

Mr. Bates first thought was to say, "Because after four years, I could no longer go on with my life without telling her how much I love her and that I want to spend the rest of my life by her side", but knew that that would not be an appropriate answer. He found the most reasonable response that he could and declared:

"I felt I had to tell his Lordship my complete plan. I did not want there to be any misunderstandings about my divorce. Yes, I have reason to believe that Vera, my wife, will not challenge the process. I would not have spoken to Anna if I didn't think that the divorce could be achieved with minimal effort. I could have waited, but it would not have been fair to Anna for his Lordship to know of my full intent and she not know."

Mr. Carson was now looking at Mrs. Hughes sternly. IT did not make sense to be upset. If his Lordship had already approved, then there is nothing they could say to the contrary anyway. It was best to finish the topic and get on to other things... While neither Mr. Bates nor Anna had ever shown any impropriety in the past, no matter what anybody said, it was scandalous to have declared their intentions so early. He couldn't see the difference that Anna had stated. To him it was the same thing. They would have to let it be and hope that the couple managed the situation as they had stated.

He addressed the couple: "I appreciate that you have spoken of your intentions and that you have made this known to us. For the sake of the rest of the household staff, I too, agree that this information should not be made public. Under normal circumstances, we would be happy for you and celebrate, but, I fear that it is too early to mark the occasion. Keep us informed."

With that, Carson seemed to dismiss the issue.

Mrs. Hughes turned towards them. "Well now, it appears there is nothing more to say. Anna, please come with me."

With that, she glided towards the door and walked out. Anna quietly followed her and soon found herself alone with Mrs. Hughes in her sitting room.

Mrs. Hughes was torn. She had felt ambushed into this reality and had not been prepared mentally for what had just happened. One moment she felt elated that Anna's life seemed to take a definite direction towards happiness and the next moment the conversation dealt with issues that could be very damaging. She wasn't sure that she could protect her if others found the situation offensive. She did not want that for Anna. Sure, she had always seen Mr. Bates' devotion and could understand why he'd chosen to get a divorce. Anna was definitely worth having and fighting for. She was just upset that she could not have controlled this situation better or provided a more definite counsel when things might have been prevented. Now, she was left struggling and thinking if there was anything at all that could be done. It seemed that the matter was all too settled for her meddling to be of any use.

Anna was nervous. She was very fond of Mrs. Hughes. Even if she was her boss, the Housekeeper had always looked after her like her own mother had. She had always taken advice from her on any number of matters, but, this was different. She would not be told who she could love or if it was proper. She knew it was not the ideal situation; after all, she'd already spent considerable time watching Mr. Bates deal with his own guilt over their increasing affections. IT was truly miraculous that they had even gotten this far. How could it be improper to feel so much love? Why was it scandalous to envision a future together? Neither of them had crossed the strict boundaries of what would not be considered appropriate, so, Anna did not understand why she would consider it so wrong to have exchanged promises before the divorce was finalized.

As she eyed Mrs. Hughes, she felt the rebuke coming and braced herself, ready to defend her actions. Instead, Mrs. Hughes said, "I never knew how much you loved him until today. "

This is not what Anna expected. Her tone that had been sarcastic and biting in Mr. Carson's pantry, but now was quite docile and loving.

Mrs. Hughes spoke again in the same tone, "After 15 years working with you Anna, I know you quite well. You are the most sensible girl I know. Only the deepest love could make you lose your head and consent to such a thing. Do you not see how potentially scandalous this is?"

Anna serenely answered, "Is it scandalous Mrs. Hughes? Really? Besides loving each other greatly, we have nothing to be ashamed of. Is it scandalous to be happy? Before the promise of his divorce, I had nothing, no hope of any attachment, not even his declaration of love. I was prepared to lead a quiet life, working by his side, resigned to never hearing him tell me. I agree with you that this is not the perfect situation, but I will be patient and wait until his situation is resolved. We will still be working quietly, side by side, but with the hope of future together. Why is this so wrong?"

"All the same my girl, others will find fault. Are you ready for the gossip should this ever be known?"

"There is no reason that this should ever be known. We've no intention of calling attention to ourselves. Mr. Bates has made it very clear that he will proceed in the most gentlemanly-like fashion… and, should there ever be gossip, I'll survive as best I can. I am ready for anything."

"Oh, my dear, I'm not sure what I should say anymore", responded Mrs. Hughes. Anna's words, calm demeanor, and resolute defense were starting to warm her. She took one of Anna's hands into hers. "I've seen the devotion you too have for each other almost since the day he arrived. I always expected that one day you'd both come in with a joyful announcement, but I did not expect this. Had I know of his impediment, I might have counseled you or put an end to your association a long time ago, but, I see that it is too late. You are too far gone. I want to be happy for you, but this is a trying situation."

Anna nodded in understanding

Mrs. Hughes was still trying to gauge how she should feel about Mr. Bates. Had he tricked her? Had he pushed her in this direction knowingly? She wondered and really wanted to know. She could forgive Anna for falling in love, but she wasn't sure that Mr. Bates was as deserving. "How long have you known that he is not free?"

"A long time. You see, I've known since the time Thomas and O'Brien tried to accuse him of the wine bottle theft. Mr. Bates had only just mentioned it, but then I called on his mother when I was in London and she told me the whole story. It was painful to find out, but, he's never tricked me. He's not daft and has always known of my regard for him, but he's never once tried to take advantage of me. He is the most honorable man I know and neither of us could have prevented falling in love. It just happened."

"Have you considered what could happen if he is not successful?"

"Mr. Bates expects a swift divorce and he has a plan. I don't know all the details but I trust him completely. I try not to think that something might go wrong, but, if it should, then, it is no different from where I was yesterday. I had already resigned myself to loving him from a distance, working side by side quietly, keeping my affection for him to myself. I was prepared to live this way my entire life. This new possibility is a dream. Should it be shattered, it brings me back to reality, the reality of the way things have always been."

Mrs. Hughes just sighed and squeezed Anna's hand in response.

"Mrs. Hughes, I love him, with or without a divorce and I will wait for him as long as I have to."

Just then, there was a knock on the door and Mrs. Hughes had to acknowledge the visitor.

Anna felt relieved when Ethel came through with an issue that needed immediate attention. Mrs. Hughes looked like she had something else to say, but the moment was no longer right. Anna was finally dismissed from the room and not wanting to suffer through any more questioning, left as quickly as she could to attend to unfinished duties.

* * *

When Anna followed Mrs. Hughes out of Mr. Carson's pantry, she had entirely expected that Mr. Bates had been dismissed and gone to work quietly. She imagined him lucky to have escaped the further questioning she had been subjected to. That was not the case. She had left too quickly to hear the butler ask Mr. Bates to remain and to close the door once more.

"Mr. Bates, I am rather happy that the women have left the room, for I fear I could not continue this conversation in front of them. You understand how unusual this situation is?"

Mr. Carson rather liked Mr. Bates, but, he felt that his direct friendship with Lord Grantham might cloud his judgment sometimes. Even though approval existed, he needed to make sure that the valet understood that this was not a normal situation, and regardless of friendship, there would be rules to be followed.

"Yes. I do, Mr. Carson. You and his Lordship have been extraordinarily kind to me in the past and I did not want to keep anything from you."

Mr. Bates was truly appreciative of the way the butler had dealt with him in the past. He had given every reason for mistrust, but, Mr. Carson had been very humane and understanding. He would always respect him for that.

"Good. Is there anything else discussed with his Lordship that I need to know?"

"He has also stated that when Anna and I can be married, he will look for a cottage close to the house where we can move. I expect to stay in service."

"Oh, I see. Times really are changing." Mr Carson could remember a time when no servant at Downton Abbey who wanted to stay employed there would ever aspire to such a thing. He, himself never took that road, too determined to stay on and grow to the highest rank. Lord Grantham was either getting to soft in his older age or the war had really changed him.

"What about Anna? Is she to remain in service too?", he asked.

We've not discussed that, Mr. Bates added.

Mr. Carson then leaned back in his chair and brought his hands together, his fingers intertwined. It looked like Mr. Carson wanted to say something, but was either holding back, gathering courage or still settling his thoughts. Then, his calm eyes became narrow and he stared at Mr. Bates with a certain intensity. His eyebrows arched again. Mr. Bates felt uneasy. Taking a full breath of air to make his voice sound more imposing, Mr. Carson finally spoke:

"Anna has been in service with us for some 15 years. As such, she is highly valued by the Crawley family and most of the Downton staff. I find no fault in you as a person and believe you are sincere, but, If anything you have said up until now has been untrue, and she finds herself hurt, you will be at a loss for friends and support, and might I add, employment, as I will take it upon myself to personally lobby Lord Grantham for your dismissal. The relationship you share with him will not spare you. "

Mr. Bates turned white a sheet and froze. Had he just been threatened?

"Furthermore, you have stated that you intend to not sully her reputation or that of this house. That is the correct path to take. I cannot find fault in your judgment regarding this matter. Be advised that I will still watch you closely for any sign of impropriety, lest this situation take longer than you expect and you forget the statements you have made today. If you have a regard for her, you will see to her well being. I will personally hold you responsible for any actions you both undertake". Is that clear?"

Mr. Bates knew that Mr. Carson was a stern and serious man, so, he should not have been that surprised by the words that had just been spoken. But, he was surprised. Not surprised that Mr. Carson would want to defend Anna. He was rather touched that he would take on that role, the role a father might take when meeting his daughter's first suitor. What surprised him was that Mr. Carson had questioned whether he had a regard for Anna. That could never be questioned. He was resolute that this point must be discussed.

"Yes. Mr. Carson, I understand…and at the risk of embarrassing you and prolonging this conversation that is painful for both of us, I must add one more thing."

"I could never harm Anna. If I did, it would be without purpose or intent. I could never forget about her well being or see to my happiness before hers. I could never seek to put her in a position that would compromise her or her employment at Downton. I could never do any of those things, because, you see, I love her. That is why I am here, enduring this conversation. She loves me and I will live my life honoring her, forever thanking her for seeing potential in this old, troubled, infirm man. "

Mr. Bates finally hoped that this information was enough for Mr. Carson to stop any further questioning. He did not like talking about his personal life or his feelings for Anna. He longed for this meeting to be over.

Mr. Carson did seem satisfied and relaxed. He was just as uncomfortable as Mr. Bates and was convinced that he needed to know no more about the issue.

Mr. Carson responded, "Well then, I think we are all clear. You may go now."

Mr. Bates bowed his head, accepting the dismissal and proudly answered "Good Day" as he walked out the door.

Once the door had been closed, both men let out a significant sigh, happy to finally be alone.

* * *

**A/N. Let me know what you think. Your last reviews and messages made me want to do a better job! The next conversations will be Lord Grantham telling Cora and Anna & Bates before (or after) Ethel's interruption.**


	5. Cora

**I had fun trying to channel Cora. I hope you like it. As always, I love to hear what you think.**

After luncheon, Cora decided that she would spend the afternoon reading a book in the library. Not that she liked to read, because she didn't, but every once in a while she did, as it allowed her to spend a little more time with Robert. He also liked it when she or any of his girls read. He and the prior Downton custodians had amassed an impressive amount of books and thought that all of the inhabitants of the house she make use of them. For Cora, most days she was to be found in her parlor, embroidering a pretty design for a pillow or taking tea with her girls. She really enjoyed those lazy afternoons when they could all get together. Today would not be one of them, as it seemed that they all had more important things to do. It was better that way, she thought, as all of the planning for yesterday's concert had made her neglect Robert and it was a good opportunity for them to see each other.

As she approached the library, she hoped he would be there. He was there most of the time, so, she had no reason to believe otherwise. This really was his office, so, besides actually reading books, he would spend time perusing the newspaper, going over his accounts or writing letters. He rather liked the solitude, so, she made it a point to let him spend his days there as he pleased. Just, every once in a while, she hoped he liked her company.

When she reached the library, she was surprised to see Bates there. It seemed the conversation was finishing and both Robert and Bates were smiling.

Bates immediately acknowledged her presence and greeted her, "Good Day My Lady".

"Am I interrupting something?" Cora asked, hoping they said no because she really did not want to leave.

"Not at all, Lady Grantham. I was just leaving. Good Day". Bates left the room rather diligently and now she was alone with Robert.

"Good afternoon Darling. Can I keep you company? I was hoping to continue with that book you had recommended to me some days ago. "

Cora batted her eyelashes, making it impossible for Robert to refuse her, which he truly hadn't meant to anyway. He enjoyed the quiet companionship that she brought with her. She was never overly chatty and at her age, she was still a pleasure to look at.

"Of course my dear", was his honest answer.

She had started to read Harriet Beacher Stowe's Uncle Tom's Cabin because the author was American and he thought she might like to read the ideas of another fellow citizen, but it was odd reading for her. The book was so depressing talking about the horrid lives of slaves in America. She knew her home state, Ohio, had banned the institution in the early 1800's and that the Civil War had already been fought and won. The slaves had been set free. She didn't need to read all about it and suffer through the story. She could not tell Robert that, though. He ought to have known she would prefer a lighter novel, but he gave her the book anyway. So, she only skimmed the pages, hoping to pick up enough of the story to sound smart later if he asked.

As she walked toward the shelf that contained the book, she remembered Robert's conversation yesterday evening about Bates. Seeing him there had made her remember. Robert had promised to provide more information, but, their night time discussion turned completely to the topic of Lavinia and Matthew and it never came up. She thought she would ask in case she forgot again.

"Robert, Bates looked very happy just now. Does that have anything to do with what you told me yesterday? "

"Yes it does."

"Well, you hinted that I wouldn't be happy. Is it a secret?" She had turned around to face him and her eyes shown brighter at the thought that she might have to force it out of him.

"…Or are you going to tell me?

"Well Darling, I will tell you because sooner or later you will find out anyway, but, I know how you have never been keen on Bates, so, ….."

Robert was interrupted before he could finish.

"Oh Robert, It's not that I don't like him, I can see that it is good for you to have somebody to talk to who knew you during the war. After all, we're all girls, so, I understand why you would want to keep him, but, his presence here, with that injured leg...….It is a constant reminder of what you lived through during the war and I would rather you didn't have to think about that. He was also injured protecting you, so, does he mean to hold that over your head eternally?

Robert was shocked to hear this question, but let Cora continue.

"His presence here impacts your judgment as it seems you think he can do no wrong…. And he does antagonize O'Brien so. If you could hear the things he says to her."

Robert could only shake his head. He did love his wife and normally she was so sweet and understanding, but, on some things, particularly when concerning Bates, she was too naive to understand what she was saying. It was rash to think that Bates was holding his conscience hostage regarding his injury. His leg was the reminder of why he was here today - with her. He did not understand why she could not appreciate that. Once, he had actually considered that Cora's snippy remarks regarding Bates might be a hint of jealousy on her part. After all, he had never really taken a liking to any of his previous valets, so, he had been rather quick with dressing, which meant he spent more time with her. Since Bates came along, Robert rather liked to have small conversations with him. He always had a fresh perspective to offer on the news of the day. He was so well read for a man of his rank, and not just from the titles in Robert's library. Bates also had extensive knowledge from books of his own liking that belonged to him and that Robert may never have thought to purchase. He looked forward to the sessions when he could, but, for Cora, that meant waiting for Robert and she did not like to wait.

He also would never believe that Bates antagonized O'Brien. Robert was well aware of the story that Thomas and O'Brien had concocted to have him dismissed for stealing the wine. He had not had a heart to tell Cora, as she was so fond of her Lady's Maid. He would always be weary of O'Brien's presence around them, as that woman really could not be trusted.

He responded gently but firmly.

"Cora! - Even so. Where Bates is concerned, I will have you know that I will always be grateful and I will always try to help him when I can. So, please moderate your response."

"All right Darling", she sighed and knew not to continue with this conversation. She could not win and would rather spar with him when there was something more important to be gained. She was still rather curious about his story and continued with her questioning.

"So, he wants to get married? That is rather sweet. I get so excited to find out about weddings."

"Yes. It is rather nice to finally see the old chap happy. Not with the life he's had".

Robert never told Cora of Bate's incarceration or past vices, as he did not want to add more reason for her to speak ill of him. If O'Brien had told her stories, Cora had never brought it up, so, he thought she really did not know and preferred it that way.

Just then Cora remembered something Robert had told her years ago. She hadn't thought much about Robert's revelation concerning Bates yesterday. But she was now remembering Robert's war time stories from 17 years earlier. It seems most of the men Robert served with were married. Surely she remembered that even his batman was. Or was his batman the only unmarried man in his unit? She just couldn't remember it right.

"Robert? She said with profound thought, "Wasn't Bates….married?

"Well, yes Cora. He is married. That is the part you won't like. Bates is getting a divorce and before you pass any judgment, you should know that I approve of his actions."

"Robert, what are you saying? She was more surprised than incensed. "How can you support such an action?"

"Well yes, I support him. His wife is not a nice lady. Bates is very reserved and will not speak ill of her, but I know her to be quite horrid. She did not approve that he should come back from the war injured and berated him. I believe she may have left him. All the time that he has been here in service, he has not know where she is. He's finally found her again and there will be a divorce. "

"Well, for a divorce, does he not need more than just the reasons you just gave me? "

Cora did not know much about divorce because she did not know anybody who had ever been divorced before. She had read somewhere, though, that infidelity and violence were some of the main reasons for approval.

"Maybe there is more to the story, but that is all that you and I will discuss on that matter. That is his private business and I will respect that. If he is able to get the divorce, he will not be antagonized in this house, at least not by me. And you will not, either. I cannot force you to agree or believe in it, but, we will refrain from passing judgment."

Cora thought she should be upset that he was ordering her to remain silent, but, she wasn't. Bate's story was actually amusing to her.

"Well, it is all good that he wants to get married, but, what girl in her right mind would accept him? Really Robert, … A divorced man?" She had wanted to add "and infirm", but she thought that might upset her husband, so, she just kept it to herself.

"Is there such a woman that would take him like that?"

Robert just stared at his wife in wonderment. She asked the most sarcastic questions.

"There is", he responded. "Bates does not really need my permission to ask her or marry her, but, he is considerate enough to worry about what we will think of her if she should accept him before he is divorced, so, he has asked permission of me to go ahead and ask her. She is currently in service here."

Cora's eyes started to widen with disbelief. She hadn't recalled until now that Robert had mentioned yesterday something about a housemaid. If they both lived in the same house, she could only imagine the worst sort of liaisons happening under her nose.

"Cora… I can see it in your eyes. You are creating ideas in your head. Please stop that now." Robert was really sweet when he was talking to her and knew too well that she was easily able to run off with her thoughts unless she was stopped.

"Oh, Robert….You know me too well." She smiled at him and knew that he had been right. She had let her imagination think of the worst.

"The young lady's character and morals are intact, my sweet…. Or so I have been told. Stop imagining the worst, because, Bates is too proper a fellow to do anything that would harm this house or her. When I told you yesterday about this marriage, he still hadn't asked her. "

"So, who is this saint of a woman who might take him with all his endearing attributes? "

Cora was now speaking in a mocking tone, really amused by the situation.

He arched his eyebrow, not sure what, if ever, he could do with his wife's mocking. At least she wasn't furious, he thought to himself. She could have taken the issue of the divorce a lot worse. In the amusement of the story, she hadn't even been scandalized by it and he wanted to keep it that way.

"Well, Bates was just in here telling me that she did accept. So, you see my Darling, you will eventually lose Anna Smith."

The more Robert thought about the match, the more he liked it. He had seen Anna from a distance as he walked down the stairs towards breakfast. She was busy on her way to clean something or other, but, he reflected that she was such a well mannered girl, sensible and pretty. Bates would be truly lucky.

"Anna? But she is such a sensible girl. How horrible it will be to lose her."

Cora was not expecting to hear the name Anna Smith. She couldn't remember how long Anna had been in service, but it was a long time. Anna was always so sweet and diligent. She was also extraordinarily discreet, having played a major role in concealing the Pamuk incident. Why would she ever want to marry him?

Cora just rambled on, trying to make sense of the situation.

"I might have to ask Mrs. Hughes why Anna would ever want to leave. Is she not happy here? Do we not pay her enough? I know housemaids are worth a dime a dozen, but, the girls are so fond of her. It would be preferable to lose anybody but her."

Robert acknowledged her questions and rambling.

"I suppose that it is a possibility that she would leave for any of the reasons you just stated. But really Cora, – do you think that she would accept only to get out of here? Can you not suppose in any of the thoughts that go on in your head that she could possibly care for him? I am not an expert on the things that go on in women's minds, but I have to imagine that a woman, whose only intent is to leave service, as you say, would never accept a divorced man with such a physical challenge."

Cora seemed to reflect on what he was saying and almost nodded in acceptance.

Robert added, "I suppose you did not notice that they sat next to each other during yesterday's concert."

"No, I did not notice."

"Well, yes Darling, they sat next to each other. I made it a point to notice because I already knew of Bates' intent and if I may say so, she looked quite content. I would rather guess that she is very fond of him too."

Robert stopped himself from saying anything else; suddenly feeling like their entire conversation was out of place.

"We have spoken too much on this matter already. Whether Anna and Bates have any regard for each other or not, it is not for us to discuss. He asked her and she accepted. I asked Bates that if she were to accept, Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes would need to be informed immediately. So you can feel at ease, please know that Bates has acted accordingly and such conversation has already taken place. With Mrs. Hughes watching her like a hawk, and Mr. Carson watching him, I can only assume that there will be no improprieties until this divorce is settled. We needn't worry." For effect, he added, "End of Story."

He concluded with the final statements: "Let us not talk any longer about our staff. They may work for us, but, it is not our right to be amused by their lives. You now know in full, the story I am familiar with. We shan't be talking about this situation with the girls or with anyone else, as it really is their private matter. "

Cora nodded in agreement. He was right; they really had no right to be discussing the issue.

"Didn't you come to read? ", Robert asked.

He gave her a peck of a kiss on the lips and winked at her. He turned around, already busying himself with the pen and paper that had lain on his desk.

Cora found the book on the shelf where she had left it the last time and sat down on the most comfortable reading chair in the room. She opened it and with a silent resignation, skimmed the pages until she found the last place where she had been.


	6. Prior to Ethel's Interruption

**It has taken me a little longer to post this chapter because I have been traveling for work. I have a full three weeks of trips coming up, so, I will do my best to post on the weekends before setting off again.**

**This is my take on the conversation Anna and Mr. Bates have leading up to Ethel's interruption. Anna gets questions answered regarding the divorce.**

* * *

Anna and Mr. Bates longed to talk to each other and hoped to find some time to be alone that night. They had much discuss, as they hadn't really seen each other since their announcement to their superiors earlier that morning. Besides relaying all of their personal conversations, Anna had many questions about the divorce process and Mr. Bates wanted to tell her about his plans for their life together. They both made it to the servant's hall that afternoon, hoping they could soon talk.

The servants hall was full, though; the inhabitants more chatty than usual. Daisy was going on about having missed the concert and how beautiful the music sounded when she was helping Mrs. Patmore. William was sulking about not fighting in the war and talking about Thomas' being in the Medical Corps. Branson was recounting the news of the day. Mr. Bates usually engaged in those conversations with Branson, but he was too preoccupied with his own thoughts and said nothing. He hoped his absence in a discussion would encourage the chauffeur to leave. Ms. Obrien had something nasty to say regarding Ethel, who was not there at the moment, and the other maids and hall boys just laughed. Anna hadn't even heard what the comment was. She said nothing to encourage or discourage O' Brien, as she often did, thinking her interaction and the additional conversation would prolong the ladies maid's presence in the hall.

Both Anna and Mr. Bates were trying to remain as composed as possible. It had only really been a little over a day that they had come to their understanding and were quite anxious, feeling that the others would never leave. They had been patient for years, but the common knowledge of their secret and their longing to talk eroded their tolerance now. They sat side by side, as always, and very silent. They occasionally glanced at each other, sharing in a stolen and mischievous look. They knew that going to the courtyard now would be too obvious and the evening was rather chilly, so, they would just have to wait until one by one, they all went to sleep.

When Mr. Branson, the last fellow servant to leave, finally made his way out the courtyard door, both sighed with relief. His hands sought hers and in an instant, their fingers were intertwined. He squeezed her small little hands with so much pressure, hoping that all of his longing and love had been conveyed.

They were alone at last. He kissed her forehead and dared no more. Anna kissed his knuckles and they both separated their hands, knowing that even if they were alone, they were still in the house and anything beyond these simple affections would be highly improper. They moved their chairs so that they were now facing each other.

"You first", whispered Mr. Bates. "Tell me about Mrs. Hughes. Was it unbearable? "

He had worried much about Anna when she left. The housekeeper looked forlorn about their attachment and he couldn't stand the thought of his Anna facing her wrath alone.

"Not really", answered Anna. "She was not as upset as I thought she would be. She had some more questions, but, she knows that I love you and that nothing could make me leave you. "

Mr. Bates smiled when she said that. Her voice was so firm and convincing and he couldn't appreciate her any more than he already did.

"She is just worried about me, but, I told her that I trust you unconditionally. I think she will let us be." Anna continued, her demeanor changing from firm to timid.

"Mr. Bates, I must tell you something and I hope you'll not be upset with me." Anna lowered her eyes.

With a statement such as that, Mr. Bates was immediately nervous. He could not imagine ever being upset with Anna or why she could think that he ever could ever be upset with her. "OH?" is all he could answer.

"Lady Mary knows about us. I told her. "

Mr. Bates breathed a sigh of relief. He was worried, but not upset.

"You know we must not discuss it Anna. It's not right for you if everybody knows."

"I know", Anna answered demurely. "I don't plan on telling anyone else. She noticed I was different when I came to her last night. I was a little too happy and distracted. She asked me what was happening and I lied to her, telling her nothing was going on. She did not believe me. She asked again and looked at me straight in the eye. I'll have to tell you that it is very difficult to lie to somebody you respect. I know she is my superior, but, I have a high regard for her and I really wanted to tell somebody that I was so happy about us. I couldn't keep it to myself after that."

Mr. Bates couldn't be upset at Anna. Anna was very prudent and discreet in all affairs. He knew that. He also understood that such life altering news was meant to be shared with your closest confidant. Since Gwen's absence, she had none and was surprised that Lady Mary should be the one to know this information. He was rather curious.

"So, what did she say? Did you tell her everything?

"Yes, I told her everything. She was really happy until she knew of the divorce. She was concerned after that. I know she still is. I wouldn't worry, though. She won't give us away and she told me she was happy for me. "

"Well, I really hope she will be discreet."

"She will, Mr. Bates. I know it." Of course she would be discreet Anna thought. I've been more than discreet with her affairs. She could never tell him that, so, he would just have to trust her word. She glanced at him with a reassuring look. "How was your day?"

"I also endured a talking too from Mr. Carson. He asked me to stay after you left."

Anna was surprised. "How so? I didn't realize…. What?"

"Don't worry." He didn't let her continue, as she seemed agitated. "It wasn't anything I couldn't endure. I could endure much more of that if that is all it took for us to be allowed to be together. I'll have you know, though, Mr. Carson defended you and took interest in your welfare."

Anna again looked surprised, not understanding what he meant.

"He threatened to have me lose my post if I treat you ill. I respect him so much more for saying that."

Anna was left speechless. Mr. Carson was such a reserved man, he had never attempted to dialogue with her at all. She couldn't imagine that he was defending her.

Mr. Bates continued."He has a high regard for you. It felt like I was talking to your father."

Anna just laughed at the thought. What a sweet man behind all of the façade.

Mr. Bates changed the topic. "I spoke to his Lordship again. He is now aware that you have agreed to marry me in the future."

Anna blushed. She was so much more familiar with Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes and she did not mind that they knew, but, his Lordship was different. He was a kind man, but, she didn't know how she would face him the next time she saw him. To think that he had worried about her reputation. She could not get that idea out of her mind.

"Did he talk about my reputation again?" Anna asked with a smile and mocking tone.

Mr. Bates smiled back. "No. My love, I told him about our conversation with Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes. With those two following our every move, I rather think he believes that we could not be improper if we tried."

Anna laughed. "He is right. They both have the ability to turn up, unannounced, whenever you least expect them. They are not here now, but, if you tried to kiss me, I'm sure they would walk in on us. We should not try to cross either of them."

Now that both had shared their conversations, Anna wanted to know about the divorce. She'd already endured questioning twice, and did not know the answers to any of Mary, Mrs. Hughes or her own questions. She hoped he would talk about it.

"Mr. Bates, can I ask you about the divorce?"

"Of course", he answered. "What do you want to know?"

She was pleased with his answer and pressed forward. "Everything you can tell me. We've not discussed it. I seek not to interfere with your personal affairs, but, I understand very little about the process. Would you tell me whatever you can?"

Mr. Bates had no desire to keep anything secret from Anna, but he did not want to worry her or burden her with any additional anxiety. She was already taking on so much when she accepted him. He wanted to give her the clearest answer he could without adding any information that would distress her.

"When I was in London, I consulted with a solicitor. I do not know how long the process will take. It will all depend on how willing Vera is to cooperate. I've written to her Anna. I posted a letter yesterday, before I left London. I told her that I want to talk to her. I did not mention the divorce because I prefer to talk about that in person. I asked her to let me know when I can go up to London to see her."

Mr. Bates realized that it did not matter what he said. Anna would always worry and her face demonstrated much fear at the mention of Vera's name. She seemed to have more questions.

"You told me you needed to pretend to be adulterous. What did you mean?"

"I cannot prove any of her infidelities, Anna. They were from very long ago. I may have had evidence then. I have no plausible information anymore and not the time to discover anything regarding that point now. I am willing to seem the unfaithful party by staging a scene. I'll take a tart to a hotel somewhere near and make sure that we are seen in each other's company."

Anna's demeanor wilted at the thought that he could be with another woman.

"No need to worry, my love. She'll be dispatched and paid as soon as we have enough witnesses to corroborate the indiscretion. I'll stow myself comfortably for the night at said hotel, alone. If Vera sees that I am willing to save her honor from the courtroom, plus the money I intend to give her, she should be willing to give me the divorce."

"What if she wants you back?" She asked meekly, terrified of the possibilities.

"Before I went to prison, she no longer had a regard, or need for me, so, I cannot see why she would not agree. The lure of the money would be too much for her to bypass this opportunity." Mr. Bates seemed very sure of himself and that gave Anna a little bit of comfort. She still had more questions.

Anna's eyes reflected the fear of losing him. She couldn't help but ask him, "I'm so afraid she'll not want to agree. What would we do then?"

Mr. Bates still seemed very sure. "Don't think about that Anna. There is no reason that this shouldn't work."

Anna persisted. "Mr. Bates - both Mrs. Hughes and Mary asked me what would happen if the divorce wouldn't work out. I've told them that we'd go back as before, quietly working side by side. I have to tell you… I lied. I don't think that I could go back as before."

Mr. Bates looked at Anna longingly, wishing he could spare her of these feelings and of this burden. He realized maybe he had made a mistake in telling her of his affections before any of this was resolved. He should have waited and processed the divorce first. Damn him for always thinking about his honor. He had thought of it a thousand times. After having made such a mess out of his life, he wanted to make sure all of his steps were approved of, including the courting of Anna. He should have gotten the approval, but waited to tell her. He would have never wanted her to suffer and he understood what she meant. If everything did fail, he could not forgive himself for putting her in a situation where she felt she had to sacrifice herself for them to be together. He knew he would never allow her to sacrifice herself. NOT EVER. He had the weight of this process on his shoulders, and all he could think of answering was, "Anna, don't think about that. Please don't worry yourself."

Anna would not relent. "Mr. Bates, we must think about that. What would we do?"

Mr. Bates looked somewhat defeated when he answered her again. The fact was, he did not know what he would do and answered as truthfully as he could.

"I haven't thought that far ahead Anna. I insist that there is no reason for her to deny my petition."

Anna did not want to insist anymore. She trusted him but was terrified that Mr. Bates would not be able to get a divorce. She had wanted to be brave and tell him more about not going back to the way they were before. She could not have him retreat into his own little world and exclude her from his life. She did not know what she was capable of. For a brief moment, she pondered whether she could possibly live in sin with him. This was not something she would have ever wanted or thought that she could undertake, but, the terror she experienced when she thought of losing him made her think that it was no longer impossible for her. She could not tell him that, though. She had already been unladylike when she declared her feelings some years ago. Telling him that she was willing to whatever they could have in reduced circumstances might make him think less of her and she could not bear that either. She just smiled at him. He should not know just how scared she really was. He already had taken on so much and she did not want to burden him further.

Mr. Bates added, "I promise Anna. I will do whatever I have to so I can make this happen. If I wasn't confident I could get the divorce, I wouldn't have spoken to you. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you. It shouldn't be too long and we'll be together."

He reached for her hands again and squeezed them reassuringly.

Anna believed in his promise wholeheartedly. She looked at him with adoration, hoping to give him some additional confidence. "I know you will", was her response.

Mr. Bates showed a twinkle in his eye as he placed her hands on her lap. "If I've answered all your questions, can we change the topic? I'd like to tell you what my mother left me. I promised you yesterday I would tell you everything, so, I'd rather go over what we have and what we can do with it."

"If you would like", she responded. She appreciated that he would tell her. Besides the promise of a cottage from Lord Grantham, she really did not know what his plans were for their future.

"We have my mother's house and much more money than I thought."

They spoke about their plans and Mr. Bate's ideas for the future. Anna was so overcome with emotion when she listened to him and realized that he had really thought of a way for them to be together and have a family. He had talked about children and she couldn't be happier. She had always wanted to be a mother and had never allowed herself to think that that was even possible. He also talked about having a business of their own. She liked working at Downton Abbey, but, to think that they could go out and be independent, raise a family and be together, was overwhelming.

He was worried when he saw her emotion. How could he have known that she hadn't even allowed herself to think that they would have a life beyond Downton. Since she arrived at a tender age, she believed this house would be her entire destiny. He could not know that meeting him and the plans he was discussing were beyond her wildest dreams. Her natural reaction was to cry of happiness.

He felt such a surge of love when she conveyed that in her whole life, she had never been happier than at that moment. He wanted to reach out and hold her and kiss away the tears in her eyes. He wished that he would have reacted sooner, all propriety be damned, when he heard the unmistakable sound of somebody coming into the servant's hall. She deserved to know that he was just as excited as she was and seeing her agree to his plans made him love her so much more, but the noise of a chair being drawn out finally pulled them from their deep thought and emotions. They were forced to look at the intruder from their intimate space, and saw Ethel, her presence and interruption unapologetic.

Mr. Bates turned towards the newcomer, annoyed at the disruption. He held his tongue from saying something unkind or voicing any thoughts on the matter. The servant's hall was a public place, after all. They could have chosen to have this conversation elsewhere, but, they were there and now Ethel was too. She could not have chosen a worse time to walk in. Both his and Anna's emotions were running high. It would be hard to hide them quickly.

Ethel was taken by surprise to find them in such a state. They were doing nothing wrong and seemed to be talking, but, there was an obvious intimate mood and she could see that Anna had tears in her eyes, even if she was trying hard to conceal it from her. They had been facing each other, very absorbed in their world and were sharing some sort of secret or story. She thought to herself that they seemed to be placed too cozily together to just be friends and that there must be something going on between them. She was new at Downton and wondered if all of the warnings she had heard from Mrs. Hughes regarding men and personal relationships while in service were all a joke. She thought to herself that she should ask Anna for tips on evading Mrs. Hughes watchful eyes.

Ethel felt their disdain grow and made no apologies. She turned directly to look at them. "It seems I've interrupted something. If you wanted to share secrets or do something else, undisturbed, you might have gone outside. There are plenty of dark corners out there. This is a common place."

Mr. Bates was ready to interject rudely, but, Anna stopped him by responding to her in a calm, cool manner. She had composed herself already and was ready to face Ethel head on.

"Ethel, don't be rude or crass. I am not sure what it is you are thinking, but Mr. Bates and I were deep in conversation and you just startled us. We thought everyone had gone to bed. We've no need to find a dark corner outside as you suggest. We should take offense with what you imply, but I know that you have experienced certain duress from Ms. O'Brien's pranks and that has affected your ability to think clearly. Because of that, we'll not talk further on this matter."

Ethel looked surprised. Had she misread the whole situation? Anna was too cool and calm to have been the mess of nerves she thought she had seen a few minutes prior.

Anna looked at the clock on the wall and continued. "It is rather late now. I think we ought to get some rest." She looked at Mr. Bates for affirmation. He nodded in agreement, his temper having been diffused by Anna's cool and calm words.

With that, both Anna and Mr. Bates left the housemaid alone to read.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading and as always, I appreciate your lovely reviews. Next up: Vera's arrival.**


	7. Vera's Arrival

**Life and labor woes have not allowed me to post my story as often as I would have liked. Careerwise, my last three weeks have not been the nicest, so, sorry for the delay. I know us Anna/Bates fans don't get as many stories as the other shippers do, so, I will try harder to post quicker. I am also quite fanatical about rereading the story for editing before posting. During those edits, I tend to confuse myself more and doubt what I was writing. This leads to more rewrite and editing. A vicious cycle ensues… I have done that here. I don't know anymore which one of my 20 previous versions was better, but I will stop and post this now before I no longer recognize my initial intent.**

**Those readers who are also fellow writers know how reviews really do fuel our desire to keep with the story. If you have never reviewed anybody's story before, but are happy to read them, I would encourage you to do so. Even a sentence or two truly makes us happy!**

**This chapter deals with Vera's visit and is the opposing viewpoints from Anna and John. There is also some self reflection from John after Vera has left for the evening.**

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**Anna's POV**

The moment Ethel pronounced the words, "Mr. Bates' wife", dread filled her being. Mr. Bates had previously promised that he would tell her everything, but he hadn't told her Vera would come. Undeniably, that meant that he didn't know that she would be coming to see him. He had written to her and hoped to be able to visit her, but, he had only posted his letter two days ago. This visit was truly unexpected and thus, a nagging fear came over her. Why would Vera come all the way if she had not cared for Mr. Bates in so many years? Surely, with the disdain they had for each other, Vera would want to make John go to her. If she didn't care or still hated him, she would have been more aloof, make him grovel, or at least force him to work harder to get her attention. But, she was here. Her female sixth sense told her something was a little off. She didn't think Mr. Bates had lied to her when he said that his marriage had been a nightmare. That was not likely. Vera was up to something.

Should she run, stay far away and give her beloved the space he might need to maneuver through this situation? When she had interrupted Ethel, Vera had only seen her briefly and had not known who she was. She had time to go away, but, should she do that? She had nothing to be ashamed of and did not want to run. She had a right to be there, to see him when he came down. She wanted to be Mr. Bates' subtle reminder of why he had written that letter. She could provide the encouragement he needed to face his battle. Now was the time to make a decision. She was only a few meters from the opening to the servant's hall and turned slowly, walking straight ahead.

She arrived self-assured and was standing tall, as confident as she could in the servant's hall, facing the one person who stood between a life full of joy or misery. She had no intention to say anything revealing and did not want to expose herself to Vera. It would not help him if Vera knew about them. She just wanted to come in, say hello and be polite. To Vera, she would just be another considerate coworker of her husband's. She smiled and stood proud, ready to comment about the weather, but Vera spoke first.

"So you're Anna".

Lord Almighty, she thought to herself. How does this woman know who I am? Anna was shocked to hear this question, but did not betray her stance. In the seconds after the question was made, she could only reason that his mother must have said something before she died. How much Vera knew would have to remain a mystery as she would never dare ask or acknowledge anything further. Anna theorized that she could not have known much more than the fact that Anna had made a trip to London and visited her mother in law. As private as Mr. Bates was, she didn't think that he would have spoken much to his mother about them, so, there was not much that Mrs. Bates could have revealed to Vera. Whatever she might know, or infer about their connection, there was no point in hiding or standing down. Vera would want to believe whatever she wished, regardless of the truth and thus, as resolutely as Anna could and without ever giving away her surprise of being discovered, she answered, "I am".

Anna realized now what her sixth sense was trying to tell her. Vera had come because she wanted to see for herself who had so much interest in her husband to make that most unconventional visit. It was not improper, but a single woman, visiting the mother of a married fellow servant, would generate curiosity from anyone. It might place enough ideas in Vera's head regarding her husband's actions and his possible affections for her. That she had bothered to come all the way here and knew about her must mean that she had speculated regarding Mr. Bates motives. This couldn't be good for them. Vera would have the upper hand.

Vera looked at Anna completely, sizing her up. She then proceeded to mention Anna's calling on the late Mrs. Bates. Anna wanted her beloved to succeed at this endeavor and she did not want to give Vera anything to use against him, but, she didn't want to appear meek or embarrassed at having been caught. There was nothing wrong in having visited his mother. She could only concede defiantly and very proudly that she had indeed made that trip to London. She tried to convey in that direct look she gave Vera, that she was somebody important. That gaze said much, much more than the actual words that came out of Anna's mouth. It communicated that she was not a fling, or a passing fancy of Mr. Bates. She was somebody to reckon with who would not be discarded easily.

That very short exchange between the two women in his life was finally interrupted by Mr. Bates' arrival. He was followed by Ethel who could sense that something interesting was unfolding before her eyes and who had decided to linger on. Anna wished that Ethel was more prudent and would leave, but, she did not, even when Mr. Bates turned back to look at her ominously.

Even with Ethel's odd presence there, stiff pleasantries, if they could be considered such, were exchanged between Mr. Bates and his wife. Anna could tell Mr. Bates was uncomfortable with both of them in the same room. She couldn't blame him, though. In hindsight, she wished she would have never come. Vera's confirmation of Anna in Mr. Bates life would likely be a stumbling block for them now and she could imagine him having to explain that, but, when she walked into that room, she had no notion Vera knew about them. She hoped he did not think ill of her for being there, or worse, think that she had come in to confront Vera or cause a scene. She would never do that at Downton and could not do it elsewhere unless provoked. He was worth fighting for, but this was not the time or the place. This was his fight and his responsibility to fix. She had come out of curiosity…..if only to see him off and to bear partial witness to the part of her life that she hoped was finally being resolved. She felt calm, even in the midst of Vera's tyranny. Being called "Ms. Smith" and hearing how she called him "Batesy" did not distress her at all. Having never met Vera, she could easily see that the woman liked to employee mental tricks to demoralize her victims. Anna hoped that Mr. Bates would be resilient enough for them and see through these tactics too. She needed him to be the strongest he had ever been.

When Vera stood up to walk towards Mrs. Hughes sitting room, Mr. Bates turned to Anna briefly. She sensed that his imploring eyes needed a supportive look from her. They both knew that their entire future depended on this one conversation. She was anxious and excited, but, provided the most reassuring and loving smile she could muster. She hoped that it had conveyed everything her heart was feeling. He smiled back nervously and was gone.

Anna stood there, by herself, for what seemed the longest time. She couldn't hear what was being said from so far away, but she couldn't get herself to move. She was paralyzed by fear. She kept thinking that if she stayed just a little longer they would come out and he would give her the look she needed. She must have been there at least half an hour, but, they did not finish and he had not come yet. She heard the jangle of Mrs. Hughes keys in the distance and she knew that her time to leave had come. The Housekeeper would not be happy to know that all this time, Anna had remained in the same place, waiting and wasting time. There were chores to be done, so, she finally darted out of the room, looking like she was truly busy and had purpose for her rush. They locked eyes for an instant, but, Mrs. Hughes' expression worried her. The housekeeper shifted her gaze from Anna's and it seemed she was preoccupied with something else. It was an unconventional look and Anna felt that Mrs. Hughes was hiding something from her. She seemed burdened and knew something or had seen something. Anna stopped herself from creating thoughts in her mind and rationalized that only yesterday, Mrs. Hughes had become aware of their truth. She was probably still trying to deal with the fact that Mr. Bates was married and that she, Anna Smith, wanted to be with him. With the current Mrs. Bates here, it might be too much for the older lady to experience in such a short time. She shrugged away any thoughts of Mrs. Hughes concealing anything from her.

Determined that Vera's presence here would not bother her, she reluctantly left in search of the most absorbing chore she could find. She needed to be so fixated on whatever she was doing so that the anxiety of waiting to hear from Mr. Bates did not overwhelm her.

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**Mr. Bates POV **

Mr. Bates was in the attic, busy tidying Lord Grantham's autumn clothes and cupboards, when one of the hall boys informed him that his wife, Vera, had come to call on him. He was stunned. He had only just posted his missive two days ago. The envelope did have his return address, as he did hope that she would write back and accept his invitation to talk. He had not expected, though, that she would just show up at Downton. It seemed she had received that letter and had come on the first available train to Yorkshire. While he was happy that his communication had not been ignored and his business with her might be expedited, this was very much like Vera, controlling when and how they would have conversations. He never knew what to expect from her.

The more he thought about her visit, the more unhappy he was that she had come in person. He did not trust her reasons for being there. He hadn't really written about his desires for the divorce, hoping to speak in person, thus, it perplexed him that she was so willing to just come all the way to him. She clearly had no reason to be so obliging. When they had been living together, there were weeks that she didn't even talk to him, so, this amount of effort was very unnerving. He felt that she was up to something.

As he made his way down all the flight of stairs, he thought of Anna. He hoped with all his heart that Anna was very busy upstairs and had not been made aware of Vera's visit. It was not that he wished to hide his visitor; he would tell Anna soon enough if the gossip from the employees did not reach her first. Rather, Mr. Bates wanted to protect Anna from Vera. He did not want his angelic Anna to get too close to the devil incarnate herself. He knew Anna was not a push-over and could protect herself if necessary, but he preferred if Vera did not know about her, as this would make his divorce request more difficult. He needed her to agree to the divorce easily and if Vera knew about Anna, that would not help. His worries extended further. He could not bear it if Vera tried to speak ill or injure Anna's character in any way. Also, he did not want Anna to see what a vulgar woman he had married. He already questioned what Anna saw in him and he did not need Anna to be reminded of his poor choices.

His desires to keep both women separate would not happen. As he reached the servant's hall, he was confronted with the sight of both Anna and Vera, facing each other, and was clearly uncomfortable that they had met. He dreaded the repercussions of this encounter. He did not know what had happened, but both ladies' body language spoke volumes. It seemed Vera knew exactly who Anna was. He didn't know if Anna told or why Vera should be aware, but, his beloved had a defiant look on her face and her entire demeanor seemed to yell, "He belongs to me now and I will not let him go". Vera just kept looking at her, a certain look of disbelief and cynicism crossing through her eyes. She clearly could not understand how a young, pretty maid would take interest in her husband. She looked like she was enjoying the situation a little too much for his comfort.

Since emotions were running high, he hoped to diffuse the tension by apologizing for his delay. Vera was a master at making his blood boil, and when she pronounced the words "Ms. Smith", his blood curdled. The name was almost defiled when spoken by this vulgar woman…. And after Mrs. Hughes offered them her sitting room, she called him "Batesy". She would call him that when they were intimate in the early stages of their marriage. It had been ages since he had been with her, so, he felt it a travesty that she should call him that. He knew she wanted to get him upset and he wouldn't let her. Not with so much at stake and not in front of his Anna. He was a changed man now and would be as kind as possible to her. He settled his thoughts quickly.

When Vera got up to walk to Mrs. Hughes sitting room, Mr. Bates turned to Anna briefly. He made sure he shielded Anna from Vera's view and his eyes said it all. He needed a supportive look from her, as he knew that their entire future depended on this one conversation. She was nervous and excited, but smiled lovingly for him. That image of her was exactly what he needed to move forward. He smiled back and in an instant, disappeared.

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For John, the meeting could not be worse. He escorted Vera outside and saw her walk off with his dignity in tow. He was a bumbling fool and he couldn't believe what had just happened. He stood just outside the door rubbing his forehead. He couldn't go back in now. He couldn't face her just yet. He couldn't even face himself.

He took off in the opposite direction, towards the stables and sheep pastures, not wanting to see Vera and not wanting to run into anybody else. When the tears came, he just let them take over. He didn't resist the urge. He would need to get them all out now, so that he would be ready when the time came to tell her. It would make no sense for him to cry then.

He felt so alone and miserable. Just last night, Anna had meekly expressed her fear that Vera would want him back. He had assured her that this was not possible. But Vera had been too smart. He knew she'd want the money. There was no doubt in his mind that he would give it to her, but wanting him back? No, he knew it wasn't about him and her being together. It was about him not being with Anna. Pulling him away from the most decent job he had in years and threatening with the idle gossip was about questioning his loyalty to the earl of Grantham. She had managed to find the two things that mattered most to him. She did not care that she would not be happy with him, as long as she was sure that by being with her, he was the most dejected and despondent possible. He never stood a chance when he walked into that room with her.

Now, he was sitting all alone, just outside one of the stables. He pondered how Vera knew about Anna. He had not written about her in his letter, so it could not have been anything he said or did. When he arrived to the servant's hall, Anna was already there, facing Vera. Could it be possible that Anna said something? It could not be so. Anna was the most prudent and discreet person he knew. Although her countenance seemed defiant and proud, it was less likely Anna's doing. He lamented that he would not get to ask her about this. There was no way that he could demand an account of Anna and Vera's conversation from that afternoon. It would not matter anymore, as all was already lost. He remembered that Vera had turned up at his mother's house shortly before she died. Was it possible that his mother had said something? That could only be the real explanation for this dramatic turn of events. Towards the end, she was no longer very coherent and had moments of delirium. Unknowingly, she must have betrayed this knowledge. He quickly changed his thoughts; it didn't matter anymore how Vera knew. The damage was done.

Telling Lord Grantham would be difficult. No man in his right mind would turn his back on a prized post as valet to such a kind Earl. Everything that Lord Grantham had done for him did not warrant such a sudden departure. Lord Grantham had been a real friend. He had defended him when everybody was against him. When he confessed to his past, Lord Grantham did not hasten to make a rash decision. He kept him on until Anna had found the evidence to exonerate his culpability. He could think of no real reason to give him for leaving in this way and he could not tell the truth. There was nothing that would allow him to exit with grace and dignity. He knew that this would not end well. It did not matter that he was leaving to protect the Crawley family. Even if he had felt compelled to stay and disregard Vera's threats, had she gone ahead, he would be cast out anyway. That his wife should bring such notoriety to Downton would have cost him his post too. There was really no way out of this situation. He could not know if the story that Vera was alleging was true, but she had dared to include his darling Anna in that controversy as well. He could not let her name be included in such a salacious tale, even if it meant going back with Vera.

Anna would never know why he was going to break her heart. She could never understand why he would choose to protect the Crawleys by sacrificing her. It would never make sense to her that he would want to protect them all. Mr. Bates owed Lord Grantham so much. This post allowed him finally to stabilize his life, to gain some self worth, and to finally encounter the one person who had shown him that his life was full of purpose. She gave him the will to want more, to be a better man and to dream of a future. He now realized that all of those dreams were for nothing if he could not have her with him, but he was torn by his sense of duty. He questioned himself so much. Was he really doing the right thing?

He thought of his mother and what she would say. She had been gone for less than two weeks, but, he could still hear her telling him, "Johnny, he who has lost honor, can lose nothing more." Throughout his ordeals, she would tell him this and urge him to keep his honor intact. She had died proud of him. She was proud of the man he had become; proud that he had overcome so many challenges and hardships. She was proud that he had started to mind his honor and make the right choices in his life. She spent so many years disappointed in him, that he thought that she would want him to continue with this choice he was making. The honorable thing would be to not allow Lady Mary's name to be sullied. Whether the story was true or not, he knew Robert would be devastated to see his precious daughter's name as tabloid fodder. The honorable thing would be to interfere and stop Vera. His honor would protect Lord Grantham's family and Anna. That was the right thing to do.

Oh Anna – His lovely, beloved Anna. Telling her would be more difficult than any other hardship he had ever faced. He would have preferred going back to prison than causing her pain. Every nightmare he had ever experienced regarding hurting her was coming true. He had tried so hard to stay away from her for years, knowing that any of the poor choices he had made could injure her. She had proved resilient until now, seemingly enduring his aloofness and accepting every negative bit of his past that she was made aware of. She was made of stern stuff. For a moment, he had dared to dream and he had relented. He promised things. He spoke of love. It had only been two days ago and it was fresh in his memory. This too was yet another poor choice; he was making promises that he was not sure he could keep. He should have waited until he knew for certain that a divorce would proceed. How could he now take it all back when he didn't want to? This would break her and it pained him to know he would be responsible for her suffering. How would she endure this? She had risked herself greatly, admitting that she loved him and admitting it to their superiors. She had waited for years for him to make a decision. He had assured her they would be together. He denied Vera would want him back. How would he ever explain it?

When he left the servant's hall, he had turned back to look at her, and they had shared a smile, all their hopes and dreams conveyed in that one expression. She was probably anxiously awaiting news. She maybe already knew that Vera was gone. Would she be waiting in the courtyard? He knew couldn't tell her now. He would have to avoid her, even missing dinner so that he could do it later at night; he would rather spare her emotions from being visible to everyone. He knew she would react with lots of sentiment and she would want privacy. He could not tell her in a private place, though, like a room or a parlor. They were not allowed that and he would have to do it in the courtyard. Even that incensed him. She deserved more and even in her hour of desperation, he could not give her the space she would need. He would never forgive himself for the pain he would cause her.

He was in so much sorrow thinking that the light of his life would be extinguished. He would go from the state of bliss obtained in the last days, to a mere mockery of a life. He was initially scared that a life with Vera would bring him back to the things he fought so hard to control and that he would make poor choices again, but, he wouldn't let it. He thought of Anna and his mother. That same honor that his mother talked about would allow him to go home with Vera and make as best as he could out of the situation. She might have won this battle, but, she would not win over his life. Vera had faltered in the past and she would falter again. He would be waiting for it. He would treat her with as much honor as he could, but he would not let her get away with making him ruin Anna's life. She would not expect that from him. She thought she would be getting a lion ready for a fight, but she would be get a lamb. That would drive her crazy. When he thought of Anna, he knew that although he had no right to ever claim her as his again, he would live a life that she could be proud of. If he was ever allowed to see her again, he would want her to observe that he was still the same man whom she had loved. He would not drink. He would find another job and prove himself capable. He would steer clear of any trouble. He could live with Vera, but not be with her. She would never claim him as hers ever again. From now on, he would only think of Anna and that she would get him through this ordeal. She brought him back to life when he came to Downton and the thought of her would keep him alive when he was no longer there. Even if he never saw her again, he would live his life honoring everything that he learned from her and everything that she stood for.

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**A/N: The next chapter will be Mr. Bates telling Mrs. Hughes, Mr. Carson and Anna. Following chapters will deal with how others find out about Mr. Bates and Anna because of her grief and heartbreak.**


	8. Giving Notice Mr Carson & Mrs Hughes

**I initially intended to add Anna in this chapter, but, it was becoming too long. As such, I divided them. I've already written much of that, so, it should not take too long to post. There is a deleted scene in Season 2 of a conversation Bates and Mrs. Hughes have before he sets off to tell Lord Grantham of his departure. This was the inspiration for how the conversation with her takes place.**

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**Giving Notice to Mr. Carson**

Mr. Bates descended the servant's staircase after speaking to his Lordship. Their encounter had transpired just as he had imagined it would. The Earl was enraged at his departure, and who could blame him? He had given no real reason for his hasty leave and had not even conceded that he would wait for a proper replacement to be found. Only the most ungrateful servants left in this manner. It was not the way to turn your back on such a kind Earl and did not befit the relationship they shared. It was certainly not the way to leave any employer, but definitely not the way to leave the man you would consider your closest friend. Despite John Bates desire to maintain his affairs private, Robert Crawley had embraced him, gave him opportunity, and supported him in all of the problems or issues that had come to light. Robert had always been exceptionally good to him and Mr. Bates was leaving exactly for those reasons. He wished to serve his Lordship in the full extent possible and demonstrate his unwavering loyalty. It did not matter that he would not be recognized for it, even ostracized and admonished. He could take it all. Robert deserved this last dedicated action and he would sacrifice everything, even if it meant living his own personal hell. Mr. Bates stoically listened to his Lordship yell and berate his actions and now, as he left, he applauded himself for having been able to live through the moment and not give in to his desire to tell the whole truth.

So, as he continued down the stairs, he knew that he must act quickly to speak to Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes before they retired for the evening. It was already late and he preferred to not have either Mr. Carson or Mrs. Hughes caught off guard. He had nothing but respect for them and felt that they deserved to know right away and directly from him. That too would be an awkward conversation. They would never believe what he would tell them. Only two days ago, he had professed his love for Anna and spoken of his desire to divorce his first wife. How fickle he would seem to them. He remembered the threats professed by Mr. Carson and his own admission that he would never hurt Anna. How decidedly perceptive the Butler had been. If he felt any comfort at all, it was in the fact that both the Butler and Housekeeper regarded Anna highly and they would help her through her heartbreak.

He found the Butler locking the silver in the closet within his pantry and closed the door behind him. He lamented that he had not seen Mrs. Hughes anywhere in the vicinity, as this would mean he would need to have a separate conversation with her. It would be twice the anxiety. He could not take the extra minutes to find her though, as he did not want to linger in the hallway, should he run into Anna. She would be likely sitting in the servant's hall in the company of the others, waiting for him to make his appearance. He knew she would be nervous. He would have to face her tonight, but he did not want her to see him any sooner than when his time to tell her came. As a startled Mr. Carson reacted to his sudden appearance within the pantry, Mr. Bates addressed him.

"Mr. Carson, I need a private word with you, urgently", proclaimed the valet.

He reluctantly shrugged and flailed his hands for him to go on. Mr. Bates had not chosen a good moment. He was falling behind with so many of his duties and was increasingly stressed. There were fewer footmen and more chores for him to pick up. When Mr. Bates did not speak immediately, he verbalized what he had tried to convey with the flail of his hands. "Oh, Go on. What is the matter?"

The valet took a deep breath and spoke. "It is with great regret that I give notice of my resignation, effective immediately."

The butler stared straight at him, furrowing his brow in wonderment. "Did I hear you right? You are resigning and leaving immediately?"

By then, Mr. Bates had stiffed up, the tension palpable. "Yes, Mr. Carson. Regrettably so. I shall be gone by breakfast tomorrow. I have already spoken to his Lordship and he is aware of my departure."

Still not knowing what to make of this scenario, the Butler asked, "Is he in agreement? Do you have his blessing for this way of parting with us?"

Mr. Bates could only lower his eyes and nod his dissent gently. The shame was visible on his face.

"No. Lord Grantham is rather upset right now. This is sudden in my plans and I've only just let him know in this same hour."

Clearly annoyed, Mr. Carson asked, "Can I ask why? Has something happened to you?"

Mr. Bates shifted his gaze away from the Butler and answered, "Nothing to concern you with, Mr. Carson. Everything is fine."

"Then, if nothing is wrong, I expect you could wait until we have a proper replacement?"

"I am afraid that I cannot extend that courtesy. I must leave immediately."

"Mr. Bates, this is profoundly distressing and quite grave. If you cannot give a proper reason for your immediate departure, this will leave us with no recourse but to provide you with no reference. Surely you can make amends in your plans to stay until we find a way to manage. We are quite shorthanded at the moment and your leaving is very selfish."

Mr. Bates managed to keep a straight face through this last statement and responded appropriately. "I understand the consequences of my actions. I regret the haste in my decision and do see that this will affect you greatly, but, I must leave."

The Butler was not satisfied. "I cannot imagine that you do understand the consequences of your actions. I have stood by for years and watched you take advantage of a rather "_familiar_" relationship with his Lordship. You have benefitted greatly from his attentions and support on matters that would have caused instant dismissal. You are very ungrateful for leaving him and us in this manner. I cannot see that you will ever be welcomed here again."

For a moment, Mr. Bates thought that the session was coming to a close and that he had escaped questioning regarding Anna. But, it was not to be.

In his most controlled, yet cynical voice, the Butler asked, "What of Anna? Am I to assume I am losing her too? Is she following you into a life of sin?"

This was where Mr. Bates considered that he was in most danger of losing his control. Yet, he managed to show no emotion when answering. "No Mr. Carson. Anna will not be coming with me. It is not my intention to lure her into a life devoid of honor. She will remain here."

"So, you're discarding her? After what you promised? How very wretched of you, _Mr. Bates_, to make her promises you couldn't keep. Well, I had warned you about being untrue to her and that it could cost you your job and our support. I can't see how you care about that now as you are already leaving."

The last thing Mr. Carson wanted to do was pry, but he had to gauge the full consequences of this departure. Was he leaving to avoid scandal? Did he betray his word when he said he would be a gentleman? Could he be avoiding any responsibilities towards Anna? He prayed, for Anna's sake, that she had held off any advances if they had existed. It would not do her any good to face any other hardships than his actual departure. He would be mortified if he had to dismiss her. He wouldn't want to, but there was a strict moral code that he could not break and she would leave if that were the case.

Mr. Carson was thankful that Mrs. Hughes was not present and as his face flushed with shame, he asked his next question, "Have you touched her?"

Mr. Bates' face shown with shock and incredulity at the question he'd just been asked. He had held himself strong during all the verbal attacks Mr. Carson had set off, but, the mere thought of anybody thinking that he had deceived Anna by gaining her favors intentionally, was too much for him. The entire demeanor in his face changed from a passive stare to that of grievous worry. With what little honor he had left, he needed to defend her and make sure that she was not dismissed upon his departure. Their ill timed statements of the last couple of days would cast a shadow of doubt as to his intentions and her moral character and she shouldn't shoulder any responsibility for his actions. He couldn't bear the thought of her facing any further hardships than his actual removal from Downton.

He emotionally answered, "Never". He paused, gained more confidence, and as he calmed himself down, proclaimed, "Her virtue is intact. I've not compromised her in any way and she doesn't know of my departure yet". He managed to hold in all of the emotions that were running through him.

The way Bates reacted made the Butler believe wholeheartedly that Anna was, in fact, untouched. He breathed a sigh of relief for her and for himself. The house couldn't bear to lose her as they were short on staff already and it wouldn't be fit for her to have to find another post on top of dealing with whatever turmoil his absence would cause her. He wasn't her father and he didn't feel that it was his moral duty to defend her, but, she was a good girl, a loyal employee and it seemed, an innocent victim. He felt that as a man, he couldn't let Mr. Bates go without being reprimanded by his actions. He was infuriated at the deceptions Mr. Bates had caused to the house, his Lordship and the naïve and trusting girl. He focused back on Mr. Bates and spoke his mind one last time.

"Well, I wouldn't say you didn't compromise her. Her virtue may be intact, but, you have subjected her to public ridicule and should this be known further, affect her chances at ever getting a decent proposal from anyone else. I hope that her affection for you was not known beyond Mrs. Hughes and I, as this could be disastrous for her. The entire staff may not know about this entanglement, but his Lordship is aware that she accepted the proposal of a married man. While he allowed the proposal to happen, with the anger he is likely feeling regarding your method of departure, I hope for her sake, he does not take it out on her and overlooks this detail. If there is any proper conscience left in you, you will seek her out and tell her immediately. She deserves that much. The grief she will suffer is righteously hers as she is partly to blame for attaching herself to you while married, but, your actions are those of a coward and cannot be justified in any way. By all means, you leave this house a disgraced man."

Mr. Carson paused after this lengthy admonishment, thinking to himself whether he had left anything out. He concluded that there was nothing left to say and that he wanted to be left alone. This astonishing exchange with Mr. Bates had left him further fatigued. It was more emotional than physical. He had grown to appreciate the valet and would have never expected this from him. His allegiance to his Lordship was unshakeable and he was almost jealous that they shared an unspoken friendship across class lines. Had they all been taken in by his false dignity and morality? Was this the real Bates that none of them knew? While he understood that that Lord Grantham and Anna were the most affected by his abrupt decision, he couldn't help feel betrayed as well. Some part of him felt that he was also a victim in this deception.

He turned around giving his back to the valet. "I have nothing else to say to you. Leave an address where we may forward what is owed and don't let me see you in my sight again before you leave. Good Bye."

When Mr. Carson was no longer looking, a single tear escaped Mr. Bates' eyes. He accepted that this was not the proper way of doing things, but, to hear him considered a disgraced man wounded him deeply. The words regarding Anna made him shiver. He turned and walked out of the pantry, closing the door behind him. He found himself in the hallway, surprisingly alone, and as he fought to keep his composure, reminded himself that as the night progressed, things would only get worse. He resolutely set out to find Mrs. Hughes, not wishing to prolong the evening's agonies any further.

* * *

**Giving Notice to Mrs. Hughes**

They were both standing in her sitting room. Even though she offered him a seat, he preferred to stand and she could observe the level of tension and nervousness in his body. He was stiff and she wasn't even sure he was breathing. His eyes were red and his face was positively ashen. Just by looking at his demeanor, she knew what the outcome would be. She had hoped he would not come to her. She prayed that he had somehow managed to avert the trying situation he was in. His countenance seemed to demonstrate he hadn't and she sighed internally, deeply distressed over the scene she would be a part of. She knew what he was getting ready to say and she hated that he would depart and that he would abandon Anna. But she could not be mad at him, because she had overheard. If only she hadn't. But, she had. Vera Bates was forcing him to leave and he was taking the honorable route to protect his Lordship.

She was not sure that she would have done the same thing. Lady Mary was the one who made the mistake and should now reap the consequences. Anna would not be admonished or affected for helping her. That was her job. Even if Lady Mary was an aristocrat, she did not deserve more happiness than Anna and it did not seem fair that Mr. Bates and the housemaid should have to give up on their entire future to protect her. More than ever, she finally understood Mr. Bates' personal hell, his past drunkenness and the reason for his prison sentence. It was easy to comprehend why he wanted a divorce and why he had fallen for Anna. The girl, besides beautiful, was the representation of sweetness and unfathomable kindness that his wife was not. She felt so sorry for both of them. Neither deserved this cruel trick of nature. She had not initially agreed with their entanglement, but today, she lamented that they would be torn apart. As illicit as it seemed, she approved of their love and was willing to defend it and make it happen. Her approval, though, mattered not . Mr. Bates had a mission and it was her turn to hear him out.

As taciturn as he could manage, he finally spoke. "Mrs. Hughes, I must give notice of the immediate departure from my post. Lord Grantham and Mr. Carson have been told. My wife will collect me in the morning and I will be gone before the servant's breakfast. I apologize for the inconvenience that my hasty departure will cause you."

Mr. Bates was brief and fast in his communication. As if trying to hide his shame, he had not even been able to look at her when he pronounced the words. Remembering that he needed to sound and act as convincing as possible, he turned to look at her directly. He managed to still his expression and lock his jaw muscles, both these actions giving him the little bit of confidence he needed to endure this session. He was expecting a verbal lashing from her, much like the ones he had received previously, but the Housekeeper only looked at him with a certain aura of disappointment and a little bit of pity. It was disconcerting. He would rather see the angry side of her. It was easier for him if they were all mad. Any pity or kindness might weaken his resolve.

Mrs. Hughes calmly asked, "Mr. Bates, I cannot presume to know of your affairs or to provide advice to you on this matter, but I must ask – Is this what you really want to do?

Mr. Bates reflected that she seemed to sense that something was going on. She didn't ask why he was leaving or why it was so abrupt. Her great powers of observation and care were evident. Yet, he could not confide or even broach the subject. He wanted to answer softly, as her tone merited that he respond in kind, but, he could not allow himself to be drawn into any conversations that would help loosen his resolve. He was curt and biting, yet professional.

"I must leave Mrs. Hughes and I cannot say more".

He hoped this would aggravate her or at least stop her from asking more questions, but it did not. The Housekeeper recognized he was determined to leave and honestly knew there were hardly options available to him in this circumstance, but she still hoped something in her words might stir him to reconsider. This situation would never be right for Anna, if he stayed or left, but a tiny part of her would rather see her happy, than facing abandon and sorrow. Mrs. Hughes was a romantic and deep down, she knew their love was true and they deserved to be together in whatever way fate allowed them. She hoped he would realize his mistake and stay. She pressed on determined.

She looked at him as compassionately and directly as she could. "Two days ago, you declared your intentions to marry your most loving and devoted friend. I did not agree that you should have reached this agreement with her, but, you were both most convincing. I have seen your mutual devotion. I cannot compel you to say more when you desire not too, but, in her interest, I must ask you to reconsider what you are doing. She does not deserve this. Have your affections for her ceased?"

"I cannot speak of the matter, Mrs. Hughes." He was surprised that the Housekeeper should want him to stay and bring up love. Of course he knew Mrs. Hughes would be on her side, but, just a few days ago, it appeared that she would rather him not be involved with Anna at all. This session was turning out to be harder than he thought. Rejecting kindness was more challenging, but it was good practice for what he needed to do later.

"Have you told Anna you are leaving?" Mrs. Hughes continued looking at Mr. Bates intently.

He could not face her anymore and looked away when he answered. "Not yet. I will seek her out presently."

"She'll be devastated when you leave. You will be breaking her heart." There was a definite lilt in her voice, intended to emphasize her words. This was the last she could say to him on the matter. She did not want to antagonize him either. He would be tormented enough when he spoke to Anna.

"I regret my actions and am very sorry for the heartache and despair they will cause her. It was not my intention to lead her down this path." He was visibly altered as he said those words. Mrs. Hughes could see that he was trying his hardest to remain as stoic as possible and not betray his true feelings. He was not finished with what he wanted to say, but seemed to struggle with his last thought. His stiff posture relaxed and crouched somewhat. With both hands on his cane, the sturdy stick supported his entire body weight. His body was betraying his mind and giving in to his desperation. He kept his head lowered, but his voice was unshakeable as he dared ask," I…." He paused. "I trust you will see to her well-being when I am gone?"

Mrs. Hughes could not see his eyes, but there was no denying that this was crushing for him. Even when this action, likely to be considered vile by so many, had taken place, she sought to reassure him and give him the comfort she felt he desperately needed. His consolation would be to know that Anna would be taken care of and helped in her time of need. She firmly stated, "She shall have the support she needs." Mrs. Hughes paused to allow him digest her words. He audibly sighed and she continued, "Mr. Bates, Even with your past tribulations, I know your character to be that of a moral and honorable man. You are highly valued here as is she. Mr. Carson and his Lordship will be none too happy with your departure, but, I will not question you any further on this. Rest assured that I will see to Anna personally and that I bear no ill will towards you."

Mr. Bates did not respond. He only acknowledged her words with a half grin. He felt relieved. All he really hoped was that Anna would have somebody to take care of her. Mrs. Hughes was stern, but had a nurturing soul and the two women shared a fondness for each other. Anna would not be completely alone in this. He was astounded at Mrs. Hughes' kind words towards him, though. He did not deserve to be highly valued and he could not fathom why the Housekeeper would harbor no ill will towards him. This level of compassion on her part meant that Mrs. Hughes must have overheard some part of his conversation with Vera. Otherwise, there was no logic in her kindness. His actions of leaving without notice and abandoning Anna were cowardly and should be reviled. Whatever she might know or infer of the situation, he would not ask. He needed to get out of there. He felt his behavior had already implied too much and it was best to leave. He still had to face Anna and it was no longer fair for her to be waiting.

Mrs. Hughes knew the conversation was also over, so, as Mr. Bates bowed his head courteously, she did not stop him. He walked towards the door and with a last "Thank you and Good Night", he opened it and left.

**A/N: Let me know what you think!**


	9. Mr Bates' Departure

**There are a couple of things from S2 that did not seem right to me. Mr. Bates never apologizes for leaving her. At least, we don't see it. When they are at the pub, he never mentions those words, so, I take a fanfic liberty by assuming that at some point between Vera's arrival and the Red Lion Inn, he did indeed mutter those words. He's an honorable character, right? **

**I also could not imagine that Anna would not have tried to talk to him again. Four years of patient pursuit and waiting do not disappear in an instant. I believe her tenacious enough to have sought him out before his departure.**

**I also believe that Mrs. Hughes would be kind to Anna, and that she would have gone beyond the call of duty out of guilt for not sharing what she knew. We see slight hints of Mrs. Hughes concerns for Anna throughout the show.**

**This is a long chapter, but, breaking it down would make it more awkward to follow.**

* * *

After leaving Mrs. Hughes' parlor, Mr. Bates hoped he would have at least a few minutes to compose himself before his inevitable conversation with Anna. He would have to pass in front of the servant's hall and she would likely be there. After doing all possible to avoid her during the day, he wouldn't be able to avoid her any further and he didn't want to prolong her anxiety and fear. He lingered a few minutes outside of the sitting room and when he felt his face wouldn't immediately betray his feelings, he moved on. As he reached the open doorway to the common room, their eyes immediately locked together as she looked up from where she was sitting.

She perceived something was amiss. His gaze was slightly despondent. Not enough for the others to notice, but enough for her to know that he was troubled. She couldn't really know what had taken place, but she likely imagined it would not lead to an immediate divorce. Mr. Bates would have sought her out wherever she was if the objective had been achieved. She realized this several hours ago. As the day had dragged on, she was more convinced that Vera had prevailed and her beloved had not. His prolonged disappearance, including his absence at dinner, was her first indication that he had failed. Her second would be the look they had just shared. There was no happiness, no elation. He was likely avoiding her, delaying the inevitable and she felt she knew him too well to think otherwise. She desperately wanted to find out all the details, but, there were too many people in the servant's hall and it was going to be a long night. She smiled at him reassuringly, but deep down, her heart braced for what he would eventually say. Her heart was broken thinking how he had suffered for them both, how he would have felt worthless at not achieving the divorce. He was surely blaming himself and sulking, thinking that she would shun him or be turned off by this. She was not. She had spent the whole day thinking about their situation. She loved him and earnestly believed that she could not have any semblance of a real life without him. She didn't care if things would not be proper. She was ready to make whatever personal sacrifice was necessary to be with him.

He recognized from her smile that she understood that things had not gone well. She was so perceptive and wise beyond her years. Much wiser than he, for she would know what to do in this situation and probably do much better than he would. She was witty, clever and quick and would have known how to turn things around with Vera and get her way. He lamented that de did not have those skills and that he had let it come to this. He kept looking at her, and wished that he could correspond in the same manner with a reassuring smile for her, but he could not. He stopped staring for a moment and did not know how to proceed. Should he take a seat and pretend nothing was going on or come back later when the hall was empty? There were too many others in the room and it would take some time for everybody to clear out. He had been standing there for a few minutes quietly, and as he pondered what options he had, Miss O'Brien realized he was there. She hadn't immediately noticed since she had her back to him.

Amused by the story of Vera's visit, she spoke out. "Mr. Bates, that was quite a secret you've been keeping. Fancy that, there's actually a Mrs. Bates!

Several of the lowlier servants chuckled at her comments, but William and Daisy just rolled their eyes. They both had great respect for the valet and were not happy to have to listen to the Lady's Maid inciting him, yet they were curious. News of Mrs. Bates visit spread around the great house rather quickly and many were surprised to find out that Mr. Bates was, in fact, married. Everyone in the room took turns looking at Anna, trying to determine if she was as surprised as they were, for although nobody knew anything regarding their association, Anna was the person that Mr. Bates spent the most time with. Anna did not say a word and went back to her mending. She knew that any reaction from her now would seal her fate regarding gossip and she would ensure that they got none. She would not give them reason to think they were anything other than friends.

Mr. Bates coyly answered, "Well, Ms. O'Brien, I have no need to discuss my personal life with everybody. Those who needed to know were aware. It's not a secret if your Superiors or Employer knows and as far as I am aware, you are neither."

"Now, Now…There's no need to be so defensive, Mr. Bates. We're all just surprised that she's never been mentioned before, but, I'm sure now that she's come, we'll see more of her. Who knows, you might even settle her in one of the cottages near the house so that you're not lonely." Miss O'Brien was definitely trying to irritate him and as she said the last words, she turned to look at Anna. Anna had not looked up since the conversation started, and was still very much focused on her mending. She had done a good job of concealing any possible reaction to what was being said.

Breaking the tension, Mrs. Hughes entered the room, completely changing the atmosphere within the servant's hall. She had come on purpose, sensing that she might have to hurry along the servants to bed, but she had not heard Miss O'Brien's comments. She wasn't in the habit of sending them off, they were, after all adults and could do with their free time what they wanted. Her knowledge of certain events that would unfold that day led her to believe that she might have to help the process a little. Getting everybody away would give Mr. Bates and Anna the privacy they needed for the tragic conversation to follow.

"It's very late. What are you all still doing here? You must get to bed." Everybody, including Anna, stood up in response to her order. They all scampered off, but Anna remained.

"Excuse me Mrs. Hughes; I still have to finish mending this frock of Lady Sybil's. She'll need it for her trip tomorrow. I'll go up as soon as I finish."

"Very well" she answered as she turned to walk out. She couldn't even face the girl and quickly retreated back to her sitting room.

Mr. Bates had retreated with the others and Anna was sure that he'd be back. He would not leave her with this doubt in her mind. She had not lied when she said she had to finish the frock, so, she endeavored to complete it rapidly and be ready when he returned. A half an hour later, she had finished. When he had not returned, she decided to go to the kitchen and prepare a kettle for some tea. This was likely to be a longer evening than usual. She would have to contend with his darkening mood and sense of defeat and tea would be necessary to both comfort him and soothe her.

When the water had been boiled and the tea prepared and he had still not arrived, Anna began to worry that he might not come at all. It was past midnight, she was certain almost one. Still, she made her way back to the servant's hall quietly distressed at how long it was taking him to come to her. As she reached the doorway, she finally heard his trademark half step in the distance. She laid the tea kettle and cups on the table. She didn't want to sit, rather, she remained standing, thinking that he would need a big embrace to calm his dejected spirit. There was nobody around and she felt that she could get away with it. Lord Grantham had called for their propriety and discretion, but, surely this warranted some extra love and attention.

When Mr. Bates walked into the servant's hall, he was not expecting Anna so close to the door. He though he'd find her sitting, still mending peacefully. He speculated that this entire scene would play out with him standing and that the table between them would act as a necessary barrier. He'd need that barrier between them - For him to fight the urge to hug her or kiss her while saying he was sorry for what he was about to do; for her, quite possibly to avoid smacking him when she heard the words he had prepared. He had rehearsed in his room before coming down. He thought of the many words to describe his actions: unforgiveable, callous, pitiful, cruel, unfeeling, and cold-hearted. He also prepared words he could pronounce to convey how he felt: sorrow, remorse, guilt, shame, and regret. He made word pairs in his mind: unforgiveable action, broken heart, pitiful human being. He'd even put together several key sentences to use: "Anna, I regret that life has taken me in a direction that I could not foresee, so, with great regret I take back my promises and apologetically depart from Downton. Can you forgive me this unexpected treachery against you?" That seemed a little too proper with no emotion. Perhaps this approach was better: "Anna, when all is said and done, you will realize that I am nothing, being with me comes with too many problems and I could never provide for your well-being as others might. My leaving, could in fact, be beneficial to you. " There were other approaches and never did anyone seem to be right. No matter how prepared he was, his ability to put words together was tested when he crossed the threshold into the servant's hall. Anna sprung forth to embrace him, with a very concerned gaze upon her. It wasn't how he had pictured it in his mind. There was no table between them, no physical barrier. She was coming forward towards him with her arms open.

"Mr. Bates, I've been worried about you. Whatever happened with her is not important as long as were together."

He caught her by the wrists as she was about to place her hands on him. "No, Anna – Don't."

Anna knew his dark side and believed for a moment he was sulking at his failure, not fully comprehending the real situation, not realizing she was being abandoned.

"Whatever is the matter, Mr. Bates? If you've not convinced her, it doesn't matter to me. Let me show you."

He dropped her wrists and took several steps back, almost reaching the hallway outside of the servant's hall.

"No, Anna. You must not come near me." He felt himself losing control of the situation and of his senses.

Those words really cut into her heart. For almost four years, she had been used to his cryptic answers, but they were never cruel or cold. His words had been very forceful, his hands on her wrists rough. There was no emotion, no twinkle in his eye. There was just a scared man with a cold gaze. This was a different reaction she was not used to seeing.

"Why? What's happened?"

In the precise moment that he was confronted with telling her, he lost sight of everything he had prepared to say. The words couldn't come out. He searched in his mind and there was nothing remorseful or soothing. He could only assemble a gaunt explanation for his behavior.

"My life is over and my wife will collect me in the morning. I am leaving. Good Bye Anna." He couldn't look her in the eye and turned away. He felt the walls of the house caving in on him, the realization of what he had just said to her making him nauseous and in desperate need of air. He turned to leave and walked away from her as fast as he could.

"Wait, what do you mean you're leaving?

Mr. Bates had already reached the door and was out in a second. Anna had reacted and followed him outside. It would prove to be her worst night ever.

* * *

Anna remained in the courtyard sobbing, the crude awareness of what had just happened, stopping her from getting any composure. He had walked away as fast as he could and she could see him hobble on in the distance. Where was he going? Perhaps she should go after him to make him understand that she could not live without him. She thought to herself that he wasn't thinking clearly. He couldn't have changed his mind so quickly about them. It wasn't possible. He loved her and she knew it. But she let him run and stopped herself from following him. It would be better for him to spend some time alone to reconsider. She needed to control her crying as well. When he came back, she wanted to be serene and level-headed to reason with him.

As time passed, her sobbing subsided to silent tears and after a while, they were gone. She sat motionless on one low lying crate, almost near the floor, her dress quite soiled in the process. Her eyes were swollen and puffy and her usually neatly coiled hair showed signs of her desperation. Some pins still held back the tresses, but random bits of hair hung lose, the bun hanging towards the right side. The head ruffle still held on, but just barely. It had only been an hour, but the time was past two am. She was going to wait for him until he came back. He must pass in this same direction, she reasoned.

She looked straight forward, her blank stare echoing the emptiness in her heart. After a while, she could no longer think anything and fell into a semi-catatonic state. Her only sane reaction was to occasionally glance in the direction towards which he had left. She was so intent on glancing in that direction that when she heard a noise coming from the opposite side, she was slightly startled. Mrs. Hughes had made her way into the courtyard and was standing a few feet from where Anna sat.

The Housekeeper had known that Anna would need help tonight, but had allowed enough time for the conversation between them to take place. Just to make sure, she had checked on Anna in her bedroom and when she noticed that she was still not there, went to look for her. Searching would not prove too difficult, as Anna spent many evenings with Mr. Bates in the courtyard and it would be natural to find her there. At least she had hoped that she wouldn't have to scour the grounds and prayed that Anna had not done anything out of character. She was a resilient girl, very sensible and prudent, but in a situation such as this, anything could happen. She was truly relieved to come upon her so quickly.

Anna was too drained emotionally and physically to stand or react appropriately in the presence of her Superior. She shifted her gaze to look at Mrs. Hughes, but the warmth was gone and in its place was a hollowness that represented her despair. Mrs. Hughes noticed the disheveled state and knew that she had to get her inside. The coolness of the air would make her sick and her emotional state should not be compounded with the complication of illness. She shouldn't be seen by anybody else this way either. It would not be likely that anybody would stir at this time of night and deliveries were still several hours away, but, you never knew in a house this large with so many employees. She must help Anna back to her room and away from any further situations.

Anna tried to say something, but the words could not be formed. She shifted her gaze away from Mrs. Hughes and resorted to looking straight down at inlaid bricks of the courtyard floor.

Mrs. Hughes spoke for her. "He's told you, then?"

Anna managed to nod just barely to affirm that this had happened.

"Is he still outside?"

Anna acknowledged he was by pointing her finger in the direction he had walked. Mrs. Hughes responded by requesting Anna move indoors.

"Anna, you mustn't be out here anymore. The night is cool and you've had a very difficult evening. We must get you inside to rest. Some warm tea and a soft bed is what you need right now. I'll help you."

No sooner than Mrs. Hughes had suggested she come inside when Anna started to tear again.

"I can't leave. He has to come back around this way and I'll talk to him again. He'll see me and change his mind. He can't leave me."

Mrs. Hughes responded in a most assertive tone. She knew that in this emotional state she could never expect Anna to agree easily and that she would have to be very firm.

"Anna, you will not convince him. He's made up his mind and you must come in from this night air immediately. We'll both catch pneumonia."

"I can't", a heaving Anna implored. "I must see him again."

"You will come inside now and we'll sort this out within my parlor."

Mrs. Hughes reached out to take Anna's hand, tugging gently to urge the housemaid to stand. Anna did just that, timorously. She was still crying as Mrs. Hughes put her arm around Anna's shoulder and led her towards the house. Even in her disconsolate state, Anna was lucid enough at that moment to realize that if they were heading towards the sitting room, she could still get her way. The sitting room was positioned at the entrance to the house and she would still be aware of when he would return.

Once inside, Mrs. Hughes moved her towards the settee.

"Anna, lie down and wait for me while I fetch us some tea."

Mrs. Hughes went away and maneuvered as quickly as she could. She hoped Anna had the good sense to stay where she had been left and that she had not wandered outside again. When she made it back to her parlor, Anna was still there and still awake.

"Drink this. It will calm your nerves."

Anna did as she was told. The hot liquid did actually make her feel calmer and more rational. Anna could see Mrs. Hughes preparing to lecture her. Would the Housekeeper be kind or remind her that this was her fault for attaching herself to Mr. Bates so early on? Mrs. Hughes had not really approved of the proposal, so, would she be happy now that he was leaving her?

"Anna, you must go to your room and sleep. I understand this evening has been difficult for you, but you won't make it any easier by wearing yourself out."

Anna wouldn't hear of it. She shook her head vehemently. "I can't go. Not now. I must see him before he leaves."

Mrs. Hughes knew this would happen. Anna was always strong willed when she wanted to be. She couldn't just be forced to do something. She needed to be given a reason, or coerced into reaching the conclusions herself. This always required ample information and much patience. She wasn't sure she could get Anna to react the way she wanted.

"What will you gain by doing that, my child? He's a grown man. He must have his reasons."

Further, Mrs. Hughes wished with all her heart that she could divulge to Anna what she had heard in this very room several hours earlier. It haunted her to know. It haunted her to not do anything about it. It would be all too easy to tell, but what good would come of it? She had already replayed several scenarios in her mind, each bearing different results. Those results, though, never ended with a happy Anna, so, she thought it was best to just let this be kept her secret. Mr. Bates needed to do what he needed to do and she would not interfere. All of this turmoil, the reasoning to herself that she was doing the right thing, and the pain that Anna would take on for the Crawley family, perhaps, was what propelled her to remain awake and bear witness to the unfortunate events of this night. She couldn't tell Anna, but she would be there to help in any way possible. She'd promised him too when she saw him worried; however, she reasoned that even if she hadn't promised him, Anna would get the support, as she would have remained anyway. Anna's grief was too painful for a woman who would consider herself the housemaid's surrogate mother.

Anna answered back, "That's just it. He's not given me a real reason. I know he is lying and doing something gallant. I need to know why."

"Anna, you must realize that actions speak louder than words. It doesn't matter what reasons he gives, he's leaving in a couple of hours. Does it matter why he leaves, if he is ultimately leaving?"

"He can't leave."

"He must and he will. Let's take comfort in knowing that your entanglement was not known beyond Mr. Carson and myself. You can start over. Nobody has to know what has happened."

Anna wouldn't relent. "I can't let him go without me. I know he loves me. I love him. We are meant to be together."

Those words were too much for Mrs. Hughes. It seemed like Anna was drifted further away from reality. She was not doing a very good job of convincing her. She was more forceful in her tone and the delivery of the words. She even reached out to hold Anna's chin so that she could get the undivided attention for what she would say next.

"Listen to yourself child. Be reasonable. You cannot lose your mind. You will let him go and he will leave without you. IF you truly love him, you will not stop him. Whether you are meant to be together will be tested with distance and time. "

Mrs. Hughes took Anna's hands in hers. Anna's eyes had watered again and it seemed the words just spoken had been understood.

"Anna, let me take you to sleep now. We can go to my room so Ethel isn't any the wiser of your situation. I'll cover for you in the morning. You'll feel better in the morning, I promise."

Except Mrs. Hughes wasn't sure she would. She wasn't sure how Anna would survive this. The building devotion between the couple couldn't be cured that quickly. Anna calmed down a little, but, still showed her stubborn side.

"I'll stay here until he comes. I will not leave. If you don't want me in the parlor, I'll go outside or to the servant's hall, but, I won't go to bed now. Not until I see him."

Mrs. Hughes realized that she wouldn't convince her and it best to settle in for the evening. She wouldn't leave her to her own devices. Anna's resoluteness to talk to him needed to be supervised. If it was to happen, it would be on her terms and in her parlor where the conversation and temperaments could not get out of hand.

"Very well then, if you are intent on staying, stay. I will be here too. You see Anna; I won't let you do anything you will regret in the morning. Go ahead and stay there, lie down even. I will sit in my chair and keep myself busy with accounts."

With that, Mrs. Hughes set herself to do some mundane tasks and Anna rested.

* * *

The house was eerily quiet at almost 430am. So quiet, that when Mr. Bates walked across the courtyard, she heard him. It was a muffled, distant sound which increased exponentially as he neared the entrance to the house. In the darkness, she glanced over at dear Mrs. Hughes who had tried so hard to make her go to bed and saw that she had succumbed to the tiredness. She was sitting in her desk chair, her head resting on the hard surface. At the Housekeeper's urging, Anna had remained, perched across the small settee. She had not slept at all in the last hours, her heart's desire to see him, stronger than her body's need to rest.

Without making a noise, she quickly but carefully rose. She would have to be swift if she wanted to catch him. If he disappeared on to the stairs, she would lose her only opportunity to confront him. The door to the sitting room was opened and closed rapidly with only a minor creaking noise. She heard him arrive at the door as she darted out of the way and into the darkness just beyond. She didn't intend to startle him, but, if she remained in that place, her encounter may not be what she planned. Mrs. Hughes might wake up and stop them from talking or worst yet, he might see her and turn back again. She managed to make it to the middle of the first staircase, completely out of his line of site, when he finally made it through the doors and stepped into the hallway. He must take these stairs to get to his room, so, there was no escaping her.

* * *

Mr. Bates had run from Anna and he felt like such a coward for leaving her in the courtyard as he did. For all the reckless acts he had done in his past, this scene, by far, played worst on his heart and conscience. The anguish born from years of drunken stupor, the mind numbing years of war, his years of oppressive incarceration or even his mother's recent death could not compare to the torment of listening to the deafening sounds of her sobs in the courtyard. He hobbled away as fast as he could and as far away as he could, the destination still not known to him. All he wanted to do was get away from her crying. He must have been several kilometers away from the house, somewhere in the orchards, but he could still hear it echoing in his mind. He would have wanted to go farther, somewhere where even the silhouette of the great house was not discernible, but his injury would not let it be. When the pain in his leg became too much, he reluctantly stopped and steadied himself against the trunk of a large oak tree.

The weight of what he'd just done hit him all at once. Still holding on to the majestic tree, he sunk to the ground, landing on his knee and dropping his cane fitfully. His knee protested the physical assault, but, the pain in his heart was greater and he ignored the burning feeling emanating from his leg. His eyes were consumed now with endless tears. He had been strong when they spoke and she'd not seen any tears from him. That was right, he reasoned. If she would have seen any of the tears he was holding back, she would not have believed what he was saying.

He hadn't wanted to be a coward. He hadn't wanted to leave her there, but how does one abandon somebody and manage it properly? Did such a way exist? He would have been spared seeing the crying and his subsequent anguish over it if he'd written her a letter, but, that would have been worse. She at least deserved to hear it from him directly. Could he have done better with the excuse he gave her? Of course, he thought. It must have sounded pitiful to her. He'd talked about how poor his marriage to Vera had been so many times. She'd never believe his reasoning wholeheartedly. He wished that her innocent heart did not read further into the situation. Had he been convincing enough? He reasoned that it didn't matter anymore. What if he'd told her a partial truth? Could he have gotten away with telling her that he left her against his will? No, that would not have done either. He needed to sound and be cruel. If she even thought that he still loved her, she would not move on and open herself up to love another.

He remained in that same spot for at least a couple of hours. He'd found a nook among the roots to lie in and he'd rested his head against one of the protruding stumps. He took out his watch. 3:00am He imagined that if he returned to the house too soon, he might encounter Anna again. She was tenacious and he imagined that it was not above her to wait for him. The longer he stayed out, the higher the probability that she'd gone to bet. It was cool this evening, and in the middle of the orchard, it was chillier than usual, but, it wasn't cold enough to will him back to the house. Another half hour passed and he realized that he would have to start back soon. He hoped Anna had gone to bed and that he could get in without being seen. He realized that spending the evening lying amid the trees and not actually sleeping would catch up with him, but this was a much better alternative than trying to sleep in his room knowing that Anna was only meters away, suffering at his expense.

He rose and made his way back slowly. The previous exertion rendered his leg less willing to cooperate and made him walk with more care and less force. Vera had confirmed that she would collect him in the morning, early enough to catch the first train away from Downton. That would be 6am, so, he expected that she would be there to fetch him at half five. That gave him just enough time to wash up, change into his traveling clothes, retrieve his valise and slip out of the house without encountering anybody. He wanted to leave undetected, not having to provide further information to the others. He was relieved that he was already packed and that his valise was ready to go. When Mrs. Hughes had dispersed them in the servant's hall, he'd dashed back to his room to pack his belongings. There wasn't much to take with him. He only had his good suit, some night clothes, a few books, grooming articles and the frame with the picture of his mother. It all fit nicely with room to spare. He'd also endeavored to leave the room in an orderly state, as his hasty departure did not warrant uncleanliness. This preparation has caused him to be late in his encounter with Anna, yet, now it provided a convenient and quick escape to have everything ready.

When he reached the bottom of the staircase and took the first step, he saw her. Her face was gaunt, fatigued and her expression was of pain beyond consolation. He couldn't turn back; there was really no place to go. He took a couple of steps forward until he was in front of her.

"Anna, you shouldn't be here. You should be asleep."

"I could never sleep knowing that you would leave me without providing a real explanation." She paused, "Our conversation was not over when you left last night. You haven't been honest with me."

"Anna, the conversation is over. I have nothing more to say."

She was blocking his way through with her body.

"Two days ago, you agreed to tell me the truth about everything and not keep me in the dark. I know you're hiding something. Even if it is painful, please tell me."

"I can't. I am leaving with my wife and that is all I can say."

He took her by the shoulders and moved her aside, stepping forward of her. He moved almost an entire floor before Anna caught up to him and held on to his wrist, pulling him back.

"What happened to the promises you made to me? Mr. Bates, Do you not love me anymore?

"I had no right to make those promises. Forgive me for being so foolish and forgetting I was in no position to make them." He couldn't look at her, and just looked in the opposite direction.

"But you made them. We can have a life together. I know you love me." She took her free hand, cupped his chin and forced him to look at her. "If she's forcing you to leave, you don't have to go with her. We can run away together. I can be ready to leave in 20 minutes."

"No Anna, I am not being forced. I am leaving with my wife and you will remain here." She started to cry and he turned away again, angling to keep moving up the steps. He would barely have enough time to leave the house undetected. It was nearing 5am and soon the scullery maids and hall boys would be up preparing the house for the others.

Anna would not relent and she still had him by the wrist. "Look me in the eyes and tell me now you no longer love me." He would not and could not ever say that to her. He freed himself from her wrist and continued moving forward until he reached the landing that separated the stairs to the male and female servant quarters. He smelt smoke, recently produced and worried if anybody had heard their conversation. The words produced in the stairwells tended to drift upwards. It would be disastrous for Anna if that had been the case. She reached him one final time and stood in front of him, blocking his path.

"Anna, I am sorry for what I've done. Please forgive me. I never wanted to hurt you. You're the best person I know and I will forever regret this pain that I have caused you. I will always regret leaving you. Now Please, I must leave." He moved her aside once again and started up the male staircase.

She let him leave, painfully aware that all was lost. She only had one more thing to say to him.

"You said you'd tell me you loved me whenever I needed to hear it. I need to hear it now. Tell me you love me Mr. Bates."

He didn't turn around; she could not see the tears that had finally sprung forth and she could not hear that he did in fact say, barely as a whisper, "I love you, Anna Smith, more than you'll ever know."

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**A/N Let me know what you think. Anna's grief will be next. :) **


	10. Anna's Grief

**This is my version of Anna's grief. She's always been the most sensible of characters, but, I believe that Mr. Bates' departure would cause some additional anxiety that would get her out of character - just a little. **

* * *

Anna was left on the stairs alone. She had achieved her goal of seeing him again, but, it had done nothing to answer her questions. She was no better off than when she was in the courtyard as she had no better understanding of why he had to leave. She had offered to run off with him and he had affirmed his plan to join his wife. But why? She knew he didn't love her. He couldn't. They had spent too many years apart and she had been the vain of his existence. "My Life is Over" he had said. If he was going back with his wife, wouldn't it be starting and not be over? No. It didn't make sense. He didn't tell her the truth, even when he had promised. There was something else going on.

Her stubborn mind analyzed everything he had just said, hoping that in them she could find the hidden meaning to his words. At her insistence, he'd declared that he would regret leaving her. Although he didn't say he loved her when she had asked him too, she realized that he'd also not declared that he didn't. That must mean something. Anna's thoughts were interrupted when she heard steps coming from a floor beneath her. At this time of the morning, she could only contend that it would be Mrs. Hughes coming to scold her for stealing away from the parlor. As anticipated, the Housekeeper arrived just a few seconds later with her nervous energy reflected in the way she was moving. Her irritation was palpable as she spoke.

"You must have seen him or you wouldn't be sitting here reenacting how I found you earlier this morning. You should have let him be."

Anna didn't respond. Mrs. Hughes shook her head in wonder.

"Come Anna, Daisy will be waking any minute now to get everything ready for the morning. We mustn't let anybody see you like this."

She took Anna's hand and dragged her up the stairs and did not stop until they had reached a bedroom. Anna did not recognize it as her own.

"Be swift and put this on." Mrs. Hughes handed her a clean, spare night dress from her own modest collection. Anna did what she was told, not understanding fully what the plan was. As she discarded her rumpled, soiled evening uniform in a small heap on the floor, Mrs. Hughes made clear why she was being made to change into that night dress.

"If you try to change into your own nightdress now, you might wake Ethel. She can't know how late you've gone to bed. Go to your room and slip into your bed as quietly as possible. If Ethel wakes, say you heard a noise and came to investigate. Pretend you are ill tomorrow. I expect you'll need a few hours of rest from everything you've been through. Do not come down for breakfast."

Anna didn't move. She was still too dazed and confused. Why shouldn't Ethel know how late she arrived? She looked towards her clothing, unsure of what to do with them.

"Don't worry about those. I will take care of them."

Mrs. Hughes was agitated because Anna seemed to not understand what was being done for her. She was going through a lot of trouble to try to steer the girl in the right direction, but, up until now, all her best efforts were falling short. Anna was too strong willed and would do as she bid. It wasn't out of rebellion. Anna was just used to following her heart and doing what she felt was right, even if it was against what everybody thought normal. Today, though, after the turmoil she had endured, she seemed lost and needed more direction. Mrs. Hughes spoke to her again, resolutely, leaving no doubt as to what needed to be done.

"Anna – Go now. We will take about this later."

Anna finally reacted to Mrs. Hughes firm indications and started towards her room. Having been in this room for over a decade, she knew how to open the door to avoid any creaking. Lately, staying up to chat with Mr. Bates, she'd become even better at it and thus, she managed to enter undetected. Ethel was soundly asleep and did not stir. As quietly as she could, she got into her bed and covered herself with the heavy coverlet. She must have only lain for about 20 minutes when she realized that Mr. Bates would be leaving soon and she only had one more opportunity to see him. At first she convinced herself that seeing him leave would be unwarranted torture. She already had an evening full of bad memories to fill her mind, adding more would only make it worse. What could she possibly gain? Emotional logic trumped logic itself and she justified her need to go. She needed to observe with her own eyes that he did, in fact, abandon her. What if he changed his mind? She would want to see that. In a panic, she got up quickly again and changed into her morning uniform. She barely washed. Ethel had still not stirred. She looked out of their small bedroom window and the angle would not allow the main road to be seen. Their bedroom view included that of the back woods, not the front of the house, thus, she left her room again to find the most advantageous spot.

She rushed in desperation, wondering if she'd lost her opportunity and made it to one of the guest bedrooms with windows facing the main road into the estate. In the distance, she could see a governess cart coming down the lane. As it neared, she could distinguish the figure of Vera Bates with a driver. The cart rounded the corner and stopped. Anna could not see her facial expression, as it was too far, but she would have guessed that Vera was smirking in the knowledge that she had won. She reigned victorious and was here to claim her prize. It was too much for Anna to bear and the tears flowed unstopped.

As Anna stood by the window and surveyed the scene beneath her, she reflected on Vera. What could he have ever seen in her? He had never discussed much what led them to marry. She was an attractive woman at her age, so, she must have been quite beautiful as a young lady. Did she always have this nasty character, or did her demeanor erode as a result of the poor life John had given her? The greediness that manifested itself and that later spurred on the silver theft, had he not noticed that when he courted her? The loose morals that led her to accept other men in her bed; had he partaken from that bed when he hadn't had a right to, not realizing he might never be enough for her later? It was just so disconcerting that she should have to bear witness to his departure to a woman that could not have deserved him less. Maybe she, herself, did not claim any right to deserve him either. He had turned his life around on his own, reformed his character and morals with strict discipline. She had not partaken in that process, rather benefitted from the outcome. She couldn't claim him as her own, but in there short time together, surely she deserved him more than his wife. Vera had taken him to the depths of hell, broken every commitment they had made to each other and had left him in tattered pieces. Why should she be the one to claim him now? Why would he give in to her? What hold did she have on him? There were no answers to any of these questions.

Through the window, Anna was finally confronted with the realization that John Bates was walking towards the cart. He had not changed his mind. More horridly, _her _words had not changed his mind. His step was quick and uneven. Even from far away, Anna could tell he was tense. She couldn't really see his face, but when he got up into the cart, his greeting for Vera was uneventful. IT seemed rather cold, even. It wasn't what a husband driving off with his wife should be. He looked very uncomfortable in that cart and his body language reflected what he was not saying. He did not want to be there.

Damn you John Bates! Why are you driving off with her if you don't want to? Why could my love not retain you here? Anna cried in desperation when the driver took the reins of the horses and gestured them to move. "Turn around to look at me John. Even if you can't see me, turn around towards the house. If you turn back that will mean you don't want to go. Please, turn back.

Perhaps her small gain of the entire ordeal was that John did, in fact, turn back. As he did so, ever so quickly, the cart moved on. It was a small gain, and it overjoyed her briefly – very briefly. It could have meant anything, but the moment that John Bates turned around to look at the house, Anna felt that it was his subtle acknowledgment that he was going against his will. The joy had only lasted a second or two, because it didn't matter that it was against his will. It still meant he was gone.

Anna stayed perched by the window until the cart was no longer in sight. She remained an additional quarter hour, not ready to concede defeat and innocently thinking he might change his mind and return to her. He did not return and suddenly she was faced with the raw emotion of full abandon. Part of her had held hope that he wouldn't actually do it; that he would not be capable of going back to live with his wife. He had proven her wrong and he was gone and she didn't know what to do. Two days ago when she had asked him about the divorce process and questioned what would happen if Vera did not grant it, she had convinced herself into self sacrifice and living in sin to be near him. He would not immediately accept that, but she would have convinced him. They would run away together somewhere to start a new life. She didn't care if they were poor, if he couldn't find a decent job, if she had to slave away doing menial tasks to get by. She loved him so much that it would not matter, as long as they were together. He had become indispensible to her, as indispensible as breathing. Never in all of these conversations in her mind had she ever anticipated that he would leave her. There were always different outcomes to her thoughts, but never this.

She rubbed her palms across her forehead trying to think of what she should do next. Mrs. Hughes imagined her still in bed. She could go back now and pretend to just have gotten up. Would that matter? Really? If she went back to bed, she would not be able to sleep and all she would end up doing is going over in her mind the events of the last three days, particularly the last six hours. No. She did not want that. She did not want to relive her misery at all. Going back to bed was not an option.

The only thing that would calm her nerves now was to work. Distraction always helped her to pass the time and it was nearly almost six in the morning anyway. She was already fully clothed and ready to begin her shift; she might as well get an early start. She made her way to the bottom level. She could hear the stirring of people, yet she had not encountered anybody on her way to the storage bins that held her basket and cleaning utensils. She went up the stairs again.

"Good Morning Anna", she heard what appeared to be Daisy. She didn't turn back. She didn't care. Daisy noted how uncharacteristic it was for Anna to be up so early and for her to not acknowledge a greeting. Anna was just not that type of person. Something must be wrong with her. She couldn't comment any further, for Anna was quick on her feet and no longer in the immediate vicinity.

She went to the library and was glad to be all alone for the moment. The daily routine of opening the shutters, dusting all the surfaces, and sweeping the floors was started. She reflected that either she was working really fast, had arrived much earlier than she thought or all the other maids were very slow that morning because the room was almost finished and nobody else had arrived. She only had the cushions to plump and then she'd be out of there and on to the next room.

She took the first cushion, plumped it by dropping it to the floor and set it back on the settee. She took the second cushion, and as she did, something in her snapped. The sadness she had been bearing turned to rage. How dare he leave her after everything she had endured for him? She breathed deeply to settle her thoughts. She was a sensible girl, she thought. She could overcome this anger. Except she couldn't. It kept building up inside her and she was seething and it was causing her to tremble. It was the type of rage that didn't even allow you to be coherent. Was it against Mr. Bates or was it against Vera? It didn't matter. She was angry. She could not yell, should not, even if she could. Yet, she needed to discharge all of the immediate pent up energy she had accumulated. She took the cushion with both hands and slammed it with all her force against the settee. It felt slightly good, but it was only momentary because she felt she needed to do it again. She slammed it again, but, this time, she didn't stop. She took out her wrath on the combination cushion-settee and didn't stop. She needed more and more and more.

She was so frenzied in her assault, that she did not notice that the other maids had actually made it to the door of the room and were witnessing the assault. The majority were left speechless, as Anna was never one to do anything out of sorts. She was very precise in her actions and very reliable, never calling attention to herself. As the other girls remained stupefied , Lily managed to pull back and call Mrs. Hughes who happened to be walking through the great hall at the moment. "Mrs. Hughes, something's the matter with Anna."

The Housekeeper rushed in and caught the tail end of Anna's tirade against the settee.

"Anna, what are you doing? She crossed her arms across her chest and raised her voice to call her into attention.

Anna was startled and kept the cushion in her hands. She noticed the seams were coming apart and the some of the feather filler had actually spilled all over her freshly swept floors. Her gaze was fixed on the cushion, but she could hear Mrs. Hughes making her way towards her. She looked up and saw a handful of maids gathered at the entrance and Anna felt ashamed. She had not noticed that there had been anybody there at all until Mrs. Hughes had called her.

Had they seen it all? She was truly mortified. Mrs. Hughes reached her and used the back side of her hand to touch her forehead, pretending to take Anna's temperature.

"You are ill", she concluded. "You must go to your room at once"

Anna did not move. She was full of terror that she had been caught doing something against the house. Mrs. Hughes had been very kind to her over the last six hours, but even she had her limits. Destruction of property would likely not be tolerated. She surveyed the room again and saw the maids scrutinizing her for any reaction to what Mrs. Hughes had just said…. or maybe they must all be wondering what type of illness would make you attack a settee with a cushion in that manner.

"Here child, let me help you", interjected Mrs. Hughes. Fully aware that the situation was delicate and potentially damaging, she pulled Anna away. She was not at all happy to see Anna working and undermining her attempts to salvage her reputation. She prayed that Anna being sick might account for these actions in their eyes and that the gossip that would ensue be as benevolent as possible. Mrs. Hughes turned one last time and addressed the girls, "The rest of you, to your duties. I will be back to make sure this room is in complete order. Do not dally."

When they were out of earshot, Mrs. Hughes spoke to Anna.

"What were you thinking coming down to work? You are making it impossible for me to help you."

"I must work."

"You must not. You have had a terrible night…..and…Everybody is talking about Mr. Bates' departure and I don't want them to see you like this and have them make associations. Go to bed at once. I will tell them you are not feeling well. Lets pray that that they believe you are sick and that the gossip of this outburst does not take over downstairs today."

"Yes, Mrs. Hughes", Anna managed to answer with watery eyes.

* * *

The rage and the subsequent release of energy left Anna quite drained. No sooner than she changed into the borrowed night dress and slid under the covers, she succumbed to slumber immediately. She did sleep, and it should have been long and deep, but, after about four hours, her mind activated itself once more and she woke. She remained in bed, hugging her pillow as quiet tears streamed down her face. She didn't want to think about his motivations anymore, or if he'd had regrets or if he would ever return. She just wanted to cry and grieve over the loss. It was finally time to admit to herself that he had left her. She thought perhaps she should make an attempt to go back to work, but remained that way a couple of hours more until the door of her room was opened, revealing Mrs. Hughes.

The day had been trying for the Housekeeper. She had herself slept only a few hours slumped across her desk in her parlor and the day had been full of activity. After Anna's stirring in the library, she'd had to supervise the housemaids in getting the area cleaned of the mess that had been made, she helped dress the Crawley girls, she had taken Anna's place in helping Lady Sybil pack for her training and she had helped Mr. Carson with some duties that needed tending to after Mr. Bates departure. All of this on top of the ever increasing duties that were not getting done with the lack of staff on the estate. She reckoned that most important, though, was making sure that Anna was alright and finally coming to terms with her new reality.

She couldn't tell by the way Anna was placed in the bed whether she was awake or still asleep and moved in closer. Before she could determine anything, Anna spoke.

"I'm awake, Mrs. Hughes."

Mrs. Hughes was not sure she should be relieved to hear the housemaid speak. She would have rather found her still asleep. Asleep, she considered, she could be of no further harm to herself or her reputation.

"How are you feeling?"

"Battered, but better. The few hours of sleep helped."

By then, Anna had pulled herself up and was sitting with her back against the headboard. For added comfort and protection, she was still holding the pillow in her arms, flush against her chest. Mrs. Hughes had also settled herself onto the bed and Anna moved her legs to the side to make space for her.

Mrs. Hughes did not want to embarrass Anna, but, she needed to mention the issue at hand. It must be acknowledged.

"I can only imagine the pain in your heart."

Anna looked away, unable to look at Mrs. Hughes directly.

"He'll have had his reasons for leaving. I may never know what they are, but he's gone and I'll survive."

Mrs. Hughes felt a pang of guilt stabbing through her heart, for she knew why he had left. She reminded herself it would come of no good for Anna to know about the conversation she overheard and stopped herself from saying anything revealing.

"I'm sure you will", was her supportive answer.

Anna turned her gaze once more to look at her. "I'm sorry for what I did. I wasn't well."

"Oh my dear. I am sure you are. You gave me a fright when I saw you assaulting the furniture. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't responded to my calling you."

"It must have been a sight. I can imagine the stories that will be swirling in the servant's hall tonight."

Anna felt embarrassed. She had always been the model servant and had never given Mr. Carson or Mrs. Hughes any reason to discipline her. She and Mr. Bates had also been very strict and had managed to maintain proper decorum around each other so as not to elicit the unwelcome gossip that was fueled by those living in the estate. It seemed that all of her years of hard work had been undone in these last few hours. Her actions would likely be discussed at length by all. Everybody knew that she and Mr. Bates were close. They would speculate that her apparent mental breakdown would be due to his leaving.

"Yes. My girl, you certainly chose an _imaginative way_ to manifest your disappointment. I told everybody you were ill, but, surely there will be talk."

"I've let you and Mr. Carson down, and when Lord Grantham realizes what I've done, surely he will want me to go."

"I wouldn't worry about that. Both his Lordship and Lady Mary have inquired after you. They understand that Mr. Bates' departure is a surprise given your recent revelations and they both agreed that you would need some rest this morning. I take it you told Lady Mary?"

"Yes."

"Well, she is worried about you. She told me clearly. Unless you do something else foolish, I don't think you are in any danger of leaving. There is a certain cushion, though, that is waiting for you to be fixed….."

Mrs. Hughes smiled and Anna responded with a slight smile as well. Mrs. Hughes was pleased to see a positive reaction, one she had not seen in several hours.

"I'll do it straight away."

"It can wait a few more hours. Get some more rest."

"Mrs. Hughes, I think I need to go back to work now. If I stay here, my mind won't let go of him, but, if I go back to work, I can focus on other things. I need to be productive and there is much to be done."

"Well, yes, there is much work to be done, but, I don't want to have any more surprising incidents today. You've already assaulted the furniture and I'm not sure my nerves could take it if you hurled the linens or attempted to wax the rugs. " Mrs. Hughes rubbed her leg and raised her eyebrow and they both had a little chuckle over the thought of Anna's continued path of destruction.

"I promise there will be no more emotional outbursts or battering of household property."

"All right then. If that is what you want, come down as soon as you are ready. I'll tell everybody your 'illness' is abating."

Mrs. Hughes stood up to leave, but Anna reached out to her and offered her hand, hoping Mrs. Hughes would take it. She did, understanding Anna still had something to say.

"Mrs. Hughes, I am not sure how I could ever repay so much kindness. What you've done to help me in these last hours, or days, is beyond reasonable. I'm sorry I've been so much trouble. Thank you, truly, for everything."

"You've nothing to repay my dear. I am sure you would have done the same." Mrs. Hughes squeezed her hand and let it go.

"I'll not be a problem to you anymore. I promise."

"I'm sure you won't", and with that, she gave her last smile and left Anna alone once again.

A few minutes later, Anna prepared herself to rejoin the other servants downstairs. As she dressed, she realized that this was the beginning of a new life for her. It was a life where she would have to relearn to be without him. She would have to learn to not depend on his smile every morning to put her in a good mood. She would have to learn new routines such as going to bed earlier and drinking less tea in the evening. Now, perhaps, she would get more sleep. Her walking pace, over the years, had slowed to match his step and now she would have to learn to walk faster again to catch up with the others. He had permeated almost every aspect of her life and adapting to life without him would be difficult. Nearly impossible, even, but she would do it. There had been a time, she recollected, when he did not exist and she could go about her life placidly, content with what she had. She did not have love in her life, but she did not need it. After his arrival, all of that changed. It had been four years that John Bates had been in her life and it had been enough for him to infuse so much of himself into her. She was left alone, to figure out how to overcome his absence. He was no longer here physically, but he would always exist in her mind and in every corner of this house. She would continue to love him, as their love could not be forgotten, but she would not allow his departure to make her life miserable. In so many ways, she felt like a war widow. It was almost sacrilegious to compare her loss to the permanent loss of the real widow's men, because their men were truly dead and John Bates was not, but, he had chosen to leave her, and in that way, the pain was very much the same. Those widows managed to survive and so would she.

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**A/N: I hoped you liked it. Please review and let me know! I think this was the last angsty chapter. Now that Mr. Bates' has left, we will continue with the character explorations of the Anna/Bates relationship. Those that didn't know about them, most certainly would have discovered it after Anna's grief induced outburst. **


	11. Mrs Patmore

**I absolutely love Mrs. Patmore and believe that she would have been a huge supporter of Anna after Mr. Bates' departure. She's also the kind of character that puts up with no BS, so, I thought her perfect as Anna's unlikely defender. I hope you like this chapter.**

**Thank you for all the reviews and alerts.**

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Daisy was setting everybody's tea that afternoon. Besides the early morning sighting of Anna, breakfast had already come and gone and it was now tea time and she had not been seen since. Daisy hadn't been out of the kitchen much that morning, so, she had not been part of the hushed gossip that had ensued throughout the downstairs world of Downton Abbey. She had heard from Mrs. Patmore that Mr. Bates was gone and that had left her shocked, sad and confused. He had always been very kind to her and never made her feel like she was nobody. She knew he was being polite all the time, but he always asked for her opinion on matters and with his absence, there were less truly good people in the house. After the news, she felt more comfortable in the kitchen, dedicated to her chores. At tea time, she knew she had to venture out and did her duty.

Miss O'Brien, the hall boys, the maids including Ethel and Lily were there. William was gone, attending to some issues with Mr. Carson. Mrs. Hughes and Mrs. Patmore was busy working on other things. They had no time for tea today.

"Why isn't Anna here? Is she not well?" asked Daisy.

O'Brien snickered at the question and how the clueless kitchen maid had not come to the conclusion for Anna's absence herself. "Of course she's not well."

"What do you mean?" The others in the servant's hall also chuckled at Daisy's question. Daisy stopped and looked at all of them, the confusion clearly written on her face.

"Mr. Bates has left. She's off crying in a corner for sure."

Daisy looked really confused. She was sad regarding Mr. Bates departure and would understand if Anna was sad too, but she didn't understand why everybody assumed she would be crying, so she asked for an explanation. "Why would she be crying?"

Miss O'Brien looked at her in disbelief and let out a sigh of exasperation. "…. Because she's gone and tangled herself with Mr. Bates and he left with his wife today. He abandoned her. Have you been living under a rock?"

Miss O'Brien knew full well what had gone on, as she had heard part of their conversation this morning. She had recently received news concerning her brother and spent many sleepless nights thinking about him. Occasionally, she would need a smoke break and would head to the stairwell, lest the smoke travel from her bedroom to that of Mrs. Hughes and she be discovered smoking in her room. She'd not heard the entire conversation, as she had needed to move herself to not be found by them, but what she heard was enough. It was now completely clear to her what type of relationship they shared.

"Anna and Mr. Bates together? I wouldn't believe it. They are just friends aren't they?

Daisy couldn't believe what she had heard. Anna tangled with Mr. Bates? Could it really be? Well, maybe it could be, she reasoned slowly… they did, after all, spend a lot of time together. But, it seemed impossible to her. Both Mr. Bates and Anna were highly respectable senior members of the household and so proper. They sat together all the time, talked and confided with each other, but, she had never seen anything that could confirm that their relationship was anything other than a strong friendship.

Ethel chimed in to solidify Ms. O'Brien's story. "I may have just gotten here, but, I've seen them talking very closely. Too close to just be friends…. and Anna has come to bed very late every night since he came back from his mother's funeral. I don't know him, but I would say that they were more than just friends."

Ms. O'Brien kept talking. "They've probably been together if they are out late at night. She always seems like she can do no wrong, but, she has. He's a lame bastard and I don't know what she saw in him. She probably didn't know that he's married. Or maybe she did and didn't care. We all know that now. You saw his wife yesterday."

"You should have seen her this morning, added Lily. She was mad and couldn't stop pounding the settee with the cushions until Mrs. Hughes stopped her. We had to sweep the floors of the mess she made. Mrs. Hughes dragged her out of there and I suppose she was sent to bed. Nobody has seen her since.

O'Brien was surprised about the settee incident. She hadn't heard of that yet. It all made sense that perfect Anna was being overcome with grief.

"Yes, she's asleep, added Ethel. I went upstairs to change my apron and she was in bed. She didn't hear me at all and she didn't stir."

Daisy was still confused. "I sometimes stay and talk with William. That doesn't mean we're together. Why are you so sure?" She was now directly asking Ms. O'Brien.

"Besides what Lily just said, I heard them talking very late last night – almost daybreak. He must have just told her, because she was begging him not to leave."

Everybody in the room gasped at that confirmation.

Ms. O'Brien had heard Anna offer to run away with him. She almost mentioned it to the group, but in a second she realized that her anger was against him, not her. She would likely suffer enough with this gossip and his departure. The others did not know the level of despair Anna had reached. At least, not yet. Perhaps this information could be useful later. She wouldn't waste it with this group. She still continued…

"The truth is, she's a fool for letting him use her. God knows what pretty words he used to convince her. She's damaged. No man will take her now, that's for sure."

Mrs. Patmore had been too busy in the kitchen to partake of tea with the others this afternoon and she had already helped herself to a cup at her planning desk. She sensed Daisy was shirking her responsibilities by disappearing longer than she ought, and crept up slowly down the hall, hoping to catch her in some mischief. Thus, as she crept quietly, she had heard the entire animated conversation, but did not know who it was about. She was visually challenged, but her hearing was excellent and she could hear perfectly that somebody's life was on public display. _Who could be considered so damaged so that no other man would take her? Were they talking about some maid at one of the neighboring estates?_ News of fallen women among the great houses was shared by the employees quite quickly. It really didn't take long for the entire county to be made aware.

Daisy seemed almost convinced. "I would have never believed it. What will we say to Anna when we see her?"

_They are talking about Anna? -_ thought Mrs. Patmore to herself._ How dare they talk about such a lovely girl that way?_ There could be no basis for their slander. Sure, she had seen their quiet and devoted companionship these last four years. She knew they often stayed behind and shared intimate conversations. As portly as she was, it was a surprise that she should be quite light footed and at night, but she was. With her culinary reputation at stake, she would often make her way to the kitchen to check on something she had baked, or brined or slaughtered earlier. She would see them, or at least make out their figures, sitting together in virtual darkness, talking or laughing. They were so focused on each other that they never noticed her. She didn't spy on them, her eyesight wouldn't really let her, but she could listen very keenly and she often did just that to ascertain whether there was something to be concerned about. There never was. She could tell the two of them were in love, she heard it in their hushed and flirty voices, but they never spoke of love, at least not that she ever heard. They often recollected on the day's events, or spoke of current affairs. More often than not, Mr. Bates would be reading a book to her. She never mentioned it to Anna or anyone, because she liked both of then immensely, and neither had given her a reason to be concerned. Oddly, she also liked the idea of them together and hoped that someday she would hear good news about them. It had been a surprise that he was married and to find out that he had left with his surprise wife. Still, even with his leaving, she could only surmise that everything she had seen had been proper and she would not allow herself to think ill of him.

She immediately recalled how incredibly supportive Anna had been to her two years prior when her eyes were at their worst and she had been discovered during the salty dessert incident. Anna accompanied her to London and provided such comfort and care. Anna was like that with everyone. If she saw somebody with a need, regardless of her feelings for them, she always had a kind word, a warm hand to put on your shoulder, a beautiful smile to help you get through it. She could not bear to hear anybody speak ill of the kindest soul amongst them all. If Anna needed support, it was now and she would gladly give it. What those servants were talking about and inferring to was preposterous. In all the times she had encountered Anna and Bates, they never once crossed the line. Hearing them say she was damaged made her truly angry. She stepped into the servant's hall at that moment with a red face and an iron will.

"How dare you talk about Anna this way? All of you should be ashamed!"

Daisy cowered in the corner, Ms. O'Brien's face soured and the others just shrugged.

"Why are you so bothered? scoffed Ms. O'Brien. It's the truth. What's it to you?"

"What is it to me? Anna is the sweetest, kindest girl on this staff. I have personally seen her help every single one of you in your difficult times."

Mrs. Patmore pointed her finger directly at Ms. O'Brien.

"Did she not offer to help you with her Ladyship's mending and work when you were so affected by her miscarriage? Did she not make it easier for you to care for her Ladyship by taking on your work? What about when you received the letter from your mother concerning your brother? She quietly helped you didn't she?"

Ms. O'Brien didn't say anything.

"What about you Lily? When your mother was ill, did Anna not help you and convince Mrs. Hughes to let you go on leave, postponing hers because you had a more pressing reason to go?"

Lily bowed her head.

"What about you Daisy?"

"I didn't believe it Mrs. Patmore. Honest…"

"Anna's covered for you more than once, I am sure. So, don't you forget that."

"No, Mrs. Patmore." Daisy felt relieved that somebody was defending Anna.

Mrs. Patmore turned to look at the remaining maids and hall boys in attendance. "We can stay here for as long as you'd like and I will find a situation where Anna has helped every single one of you."

Ms. O'Brien, ever the devil's advocate, added. "Yes, she has helped us all, but, she tangled herself with Mr. Bates and now he is gone. There is no denying that."

"The way I see it", added the still enraged cook, "Anna is guilty of forming an emotional attachment to a very worthy man. Let me repeat that. - EMOTIONAL- She is guilty of finding the joy in life of loving another. She is guilty of seeing the good in this world and wanting to be a part of it. She is guilty of loving blindly, perhaps irrationally and maybe setting her eyes on a man she could never have. Have any of you ever loved someone that wasn't really your beau or girl? Fancied them completely, but never seen those feelings come to anything? That is what she is guilty of. She is not what you have supposed or inferred by this despicable conversation I have overheard. She is the most responsible and proper girl I have ever met. She does everything with so much care and concern, that she could not be improper if she tried… so, I ask you now, 'Has anyone here ever once seen anything indecorous between Anna and Mr. Bates?"

Everybody looked at each other staring blankly. Even Ethel, who had barged into their intimate conversation a few days ago, could say nothing, as she had seen nothing improper. It looked cozier than it should have been, but they weren't even touching. She had to agree with Mrs. Patmore.

MS. O'Brien thought about what she'd heard. Anna offered to go with him and she was almost begging him to tell her he loved her. It amounted to desperate tactics. She had not talked of his taking advantage of her, or of any physicality between them. There had been no evidence in that illicitly overheard conversation that their relationship had escalated beyond conversation. Ms. O'Brien was not convinced that Mrs. Patmore was right, but there was no proof… and she really didn't care. Mr. Bates was gone anyway and that made her happy. She didn't care much about Anna and it didn't matter that Mrs. Patmore was putting herself into a state defending the housemaid, as most of the employees would have made up their minds already and this tirade was almost unnecessary.

Daisy couldn't recall anything at all. She had not believed it when O'Brien was discussing the issue, so, she was happy that it seemed that O'Brien had been wrong. She really liked Anna and wanted it to not be true.

Mrs. Patmore was not finished and continued. "I have seen them together, side by side. TALKING. Let me spell that for you. T - A - L - K - I - N - G. There is nothing improper in that."

She pointed to each and every servant and asked them, "Speak up. Tell me what you have seen. Anything improper? "

Nobody spoke up. Everybody nodded negatively, admitting to the Cook that they had never seen anything.

The noise coming from the servant's hall brought Mrs. Hughes in that direction. She was coming down the stairs, having just visited Anna. They had just had a conversation and it had been determined that Anna would come down to work in a little while. As she made it to the last flight of steps, she could hear everything Mrs. Patmore was saying.

"Good. I will not have you speak of Anna as damaged. Mr. Bates has left, but even in his absence, I will defend his honorability. I cannot imagine that he would have tricked her in any way, or that he would have taken advantage of her feelings for him. Mr. Bates is a decent, hard working, proper gentleman, in all ways. You should all learn from him. He got his work done and didn't look for problems with anybody. He was a fine man to have around and I'm certainly sad that he's gone, so, surely, this will make Anna sad and she will grieve for a while. This does not mean that she is any less of a woman and I will not have any of you besmirch her character."

She paused to take a breath.

"Listen to me carefully so that we fully understand each other. If I hear anybody speak ill of Anna or Mr. Bates, or if you mistreat her in any way, you will all pay. I don't want to see a cynical smile, or hear a bad joke or encounter a raised eyebrow. I want to see empathy and kind gestures, from all of you. Further, you will make sure that those servants, who are currently missing at this table, abide by the same standards. You will all pay back now every good deed she has ever done for you. If this girl finds herself tormented by any of you in any way, your meals will be considerably worse than you think they currently are. You may not see a lot of variety, but I assure you that I can make you all miserable. I am sure I will make Mrs. Hughes very happy by making Haggis with neeps every day. With Mrs. Hughes being Scottish, I'm sure she will love it, but I know how much you all hate it. I'm feeling very industrious right now and will head straight away into the kitchen to start preparing it."

There was a collective sigh and groan from those in the hall.

By now, Mrs. Hughes had made it into the entrance and laughed inwardly when she heard the threat. Her relationship with Mrs. Patmore had always been peculiar, as they were always at odds with one another. At this particular moment, though, she couldn't love her more. It was a relief to have an ally in the defense of Anna. She hadn't heard the servant's conversation, but to have Mrs. Patmore react t hat way meant that she had heard things that weren't right.

"Oh, Mrs. Patmore. I love Haggis. My grandmum used to make it all the time for me. I would love to eat it every day if you were willing to make it." Mrs. Hughes provided the cook with a warm, knowing and appreciative smile.

Mrs. Patmore smiled, sensing that Mrs. Hughes had overheard part of her diatribe and was playing along with her.

Mrs. Hughes wanted to leave immediately, as she felt that what Mrs. Patmore was doing was good enough to diffuse the situation, but, she added quickly before she left – "You'll all be happy to hear that I have just checked in on Anna. She was ill this morning, but the sickness is abating, so, she will be down any moment now. She was dressing when I left. If you'll excuse me, I must go and so should you all. Tea is over."

She turned and left in search of Mr. Carson. They had a lot to talk about regarding this situation. She was sure he was upset about Mr. Bates' departure and decided that he would let him know the truth about it.

As she made her way down the hall to the pantry, she heard everybody get up out of their chairs and also heard Mrs. Patmore one last time.

"You heard Mrs. Hughes, she will love it. On with the lot of you and mind my words… I will be watching."

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**A/N: I absolutely do not want to offend anybody from Scotland with the haggis comment. I am pretty sure that if I tried haggis, I would probably like it. I am one of those people who will eat almost everything and like everything I try. Beguilingirl suggested it to me as a dish because I really needed a dish that might put people off and she didn't know too many in England that really liked it. I googled extensively and I read that it was an acquired taste and in some food forums there were equal amount of yeahs and nays. Ultimately, it was the most talked about dish I read about and thought I might make it fit in with Mrs. Hughes part of the story. So sorry and please forgive!**

**I am extremely behind in all my stories, reading and reviewing other fanfiction, acknowledging reviews, etc. but business travel and a vacation where my hubby demanded I pay attention to him and not the fandom, has led me away for the last couple of weeks. I am trying to make my way back and will catch up this weekend. I can only boast that for the first time ever, I had business in London and was able to watch S3x1 on Sunday, in my hotel, and not through the generosity of other's streaming. That was awesome. I would have waited further to post this chapter until I caught up with everybody else's stories, but Chancher on TUMBLR demanded more Anna/Bates fiction and I decided to post today.**


	12. Unexpected Support

**Only a few more chapters left. Anna encounters unexpected support...**

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Anna finally willed herself to leave her room. She was determined to survive this day as best as she could and was convinced that the honest work would help her forget. There was nothing better than taking on tasks to invite distraction and the longer she kept herself in her room, the harder it would get to leave. It was now or never and her reason told her it had to be now. That thought spurred her into action, as well as the realization that she had already told Mrs. Hughes that she would get up. She was weary, though, that the rest of the staff or any of the family that might have seen or heard of her outburst earlier this morning. She didn't care so much that the others finally new just how much he meant to her, she was more mortified that her outburst might cause her more trouble in the future. Mrs. Hughes had assured her that the family would not be worried, but she wasn't as sure. Her victim had only been a cushion and she meant to mend the damage to it tonight, but in their eyes, this weakness could be the confirmation of something more illicit than it really was. Rumors and gossip had a way of taking a life of their own and half of what she ever heard downstairs, regarding others, was misrepresented. That would likely happen to her and her experiences would be exaggerated and embellished until there was no truth behind it. It was too late trying to avoid any talk now and she couldn't blame them for relishing such a story. Their lives as servants were dull and drab and stories such as this made the time bearable. She had done this to herself, so she would put her best face forward and hope that the storm passed quickly.

With that thought on her mind, she trudged out, then onto the stairs. She made it all the way down to the servant's hall and was perplexed that there was nobody there. Not even the hall boys. She scanned into the hallways and still, she could see or hear no one. That was nearly impossible to fathom. It was rare to be truly alone downstairs. She fixed her gaze on the clock on the wall and this action seemed to summon the dinner gong. It now made sense that the others were absent. She had lost track of time and didn't realize that it was so late. She had slept hours, and then lain idly as she willed the time to go. Her fellow servants, of course, would be busy preparing and going about their chores. She had best get going too if she didn't want to tempt fate and make her employers any more upset than they might already be.

She made her way to Mrs. Hughes' drawing room to make her presence known and confirm that she had come down. She was relieved to find the kind woman there. When she entered, Mrs. Hughes just smiled quietly and observed her with much sympathy. There was a discreet concern in her eyes, one that spoke volumes. Anna could sense Mrs. Hughes wanted to say something, but was holding back. It was probably for the best that she said nothing, as Anna was still not sure how she would react if anybody brought him up. She was resolved to be stoic, but, it was still too recent a trauma to consider it completely behind her.

Yet, she was determined to make sure Mrs. Hughes believed that she was well and provided her with the widest grin she could muster. The lovely lady had outdone herself today. She hadn't slept at all that night, as she was too busy making sure that Anna didn't do anything rash. After Anna's outburst, she had covered for her and dealt with many issues of the house. Anna realized that the dear lady had even prepared Lady Mary's dress for the evening. She had so much to be thankful for today. She knew that she was truly lucky to work under such a remarkably empathetic boss.

"Shall I take this?" Anna asked, and pointed at Lady Mary's gown.

Mrs. Hughes nodded and handed it over without saying a word. The smile seemed to have worked because Mrs. Hughes said nothing as Anna took it and walked out the door, leaving rapidly.

Once she was in the hallway, she ran right into Mrs. Patmore.

"How are you feeling, Anna? Are you holding up?" There was a genuine tone of concern, as Mrs. Patmore also put her hand on Anna's shoulder.

"I am fine, Mrs. Patmore. Thank you", Anna answered in a surprised tone. She clearly hadn't expected to encounter somebody so direct with the questioning, and so genteel with her manners. She didn't think anybody who dared to say anything would be so kind to her.

"Nobody will be bothering you love. You just tell me if somebody is rude to you and I will take care of them."

Anna was clearly surprised to hear that and her face reflected that same puzzlement.

"When I was at my worst, you stepped in so that nobody judged me. Nobody has a right to judge you and I have stepped in. Mr. Bates' departure is nobody's business but his and your feelings about that are nobody's business but yours. I will see to that. Now, go girl, the dinner gong has been rung. You don't want to be late."

Anna's eyes welled up upon hearing such kindness being bestowed on her and all she could muster to do was say a demure thank you. She turned and continued up the stairs.

She hoped to avoid anybody else while she managed to control herself again, but, it was not to be. She ran into Mr. Carson who was coming back after having announced dinner. She hoped to nod politely and keep going, but, he stopped her.

"Anna", he called out.

"Yes, Mr. Carson?" she answered and barely kept her head up so that he could not see her face completely.

"I am glad to see you up. I hope you are well enough to get on ….with your work?" His voice was less thunderous as it usually was and more concerned. This confounded Anna, as Mr. Carson was usually very stern on these types of matters.

"Yes, Mr. Carson. I am well enough to get on with my work", she answered again with reserve.

She thought that the conversation would be over, but he continued.

"You know Anna, you are held in high regard here at Downton Abbey. Will you be able to overcome this situation? He asked with a little more sternness in his voice, but, it did not sound condescending at all. She would almost venture to say that he was asking her more out of concern for her, than that of the house. It was touching to hear.

"Yes. Mr. Carson. I promise." She finally looked up at him and gave him a smile.

"Very well, then. Carry on."

He smiled back at her and stayed on the step observing her until she had ascended and turned the landing onto the next floor. She continued on until she reached the bedroom level. She had just been reassured by two of the more senior members of the household. That was comforting, but it was less likely that the junior members of the staff would be that kind to her. She had yet to encounter any of them and even with Mrs. Patmore's intervention; they would likely be mean to her. Gossip was in their nature. She shrugged off the thought as she reached Lady Mary's bedroom.

The distracting conversations with Mrs. Patmore and Mr. Carson had not allowed her to fret over what her experience with Lady Mary would be. Surely the news of Mr. Bates' departure would have reached her and having been absent this morning to dress her, Lady Mary could only infer that she had been affected by this. Anna hesitated at the door for a few minutes. She feared that Lady Mary would want to talk about it. She held on to the door knob and looked both ways to make sure nobody saw her as she closed her eyes and tried her hardest to gather her nerve to endure what was to come. She had been, after all, very forthright when discussing Mr. Bates and Lady Mary had voiced many concerns. She wasn't thrilled to hear of their affection when there were so many challenges to their union. For Anna, the worst thing that Mary could possibly say would be anything to assert her superior knowledge and quite possibly berate him. Mr. Bates had done the unthinkable by leaving her, but she did not wish to hear anybody speak ill of him. Not even the Crawleys. She was very fond of Mary, and knew that Mary had a good heart, even when others did not see it…..but, her Lady was also very opinionated and said things that did hurt. At times, she was not aware that her words could cut a steel pillar with their acidity. Anna's hope would be to have Mary so worried about Matthew that her own predicament was not even brought up. "If only", thought Anna as she finally turned the knob she'd been holding for several minutes. She stepped in, feigning purpose as she charged forward, hoping to get this process over as quick as possible.

"Good Evening, M'Lady".

Lady Mary was very much surprised to see her.

"Anna! I thought you were not well. You were not here in the morning and Mrs. Hughes told me earlier that you were in bed, resting."

Anna had laid out the evening dress on the bed and was approaching Mary to help unfasten her day dress.

"Yes, your Ladyship, I was ill, but, I am better. Thank you for asking."

Mary observed that Anna would not look at her directly. She seemed embarrassed and was working very quickly to unfasten all of the wretched hooks and buttons on her dress. Mary kept trying to catch Anna's gaze. Mary knew that if she looked at Anna directly in her eyes, she would be able to tell what was going on in her Maid's head, but, Anna was moving around too much, probably on purpose.

Anna sensed that Mary was observing her. She had a different look about her – one of concern, more than self righteousness. It seemed she wanted to talk and was gathering courage to ask her. Deciding she wouldn't give Mary that opportunity, she quickly tried to deflect the attention from her by discussing Lady Sybil. Perhaps if she controlled the conversation, she could distract Mary.

"I am sorry to have not helped Lady Sybil organize her things or see her leave. Have you had any word from her since she arrived in York?"

"She called Mama to say that she had settled in and had already met some of her fellow nursing students. She was very cheerful."

Mary thought that it was clever of Anna to deflect the conversation, but, it was also the perfect starting point to discuss Mr. Bates. Normally Mary would not pry where Anna was concerned. Just days ago she had found it hard to ask Anna about her distracted state. When she did, she gained much knowledge about Anna that she never knew, particularly about her love for Bates. After that discussion, she resolved to be more aware of what was happening in the lives of those she found dear. Anna was one of those people, and now more than ever, she felt that Anna needed help. It wasn't prying she reasoned, it was real concern.

"Sybil's departure today made me very sad. I dare say that when people we love leave, those who stay behind are left wretched in their absence."

Lady Mary was clever, thought Anna, but she would play along with the conversation. This would still not get her to react the way her mistress wanted.

"Yes, M'Lady", she answered. "It is sad for those who are left behind". Anna kept working and did not look up. This now worried Mary. Anna always acknowledged conversations and participated actively, albeit guardedly. Anna was definitely not well.

Lady Mary sensed that no conversation, even the most ingenious ones, would get her to talk, so, she decided to act and turned to look at Anna, stopping her actions by surprising her. She reached out towards Anna's hand, stilling her movements. Mary's hand clutched Anna's and Anna could not back away from this inevitable conversation.

"Anna, I don't mean to embarrass you or trouble you, but, I am concerned. I know Bates has left. Father is very upset and so is Mother. O'Brien told her that you had some sort of fit this morning. I don't mean to intrude, but you cannot be at all well after he's left. How are you really getting on?"

This gesture was very surprising to Anna. Lady Mary was holding her hand and the warmth and depth of the feeling was causing her to get emotional. "Please don't cry", she told herself. She had wanted to be steadfast and unwavering in her answer, but the look on Mary's face was making it impossible to lie. It was also making it impossible to stop the tears from welling up in her eyes as Mary continued to look at her.

She answered truthfully. "Yes, he has gone back with his wife and I am not sure why. She showed up yesterday and he left with her."

"Did he tell you or did he just leave?"

"He told me last night. I couldn't believe it. He didn't give me a real reason."

Mary squeezed her hand and sought the other.

"I can imagine your pain and confusion."

Mary was so kind to her. It was surreal that she was considering her feelings and holding her hands. Yet, she did not want to get into the real details of her pain. She would deal with those alone. She was intent on finishing this conversation.

"I am not as I should be, but I have no option but to be well and continue my life. I will be well soon."

"Whatever you may need, would you please let me know?"

"Yes, M'Lady. Thank you for your concern."

With that, Mary let Anna go and Anna continued on with dressing her mistress. Mary turned, to allow Anna to compose herself again and not another word was said. She was dressed and ready in a few minutes, but the silence seemed eternal. Anna bowed away graciously and when it was ascertained that nothing else was needed, Anna finally left the room. She closed the door behind her, but stayed on the opposite side for a minute, aware that her grief would still be palpable should anybody see her at this precise moment.

Anna was grateful for the way Mary had reacted and was ashamed that she had thought the worst of her mistress before going in. Lady Mary's acid tongue was usually reserved for the callous and she should have known better that in these types of moments, the young lady was very human. She did not often get credit for that.

As she finally stepped forward after having gained the courage to move on, Anna again found herself dreading another encounter. Throughout her life of service, she had spent much time upstairs and rarely found any other persons when going about her daily activities, but, today, when she wanted to be largely hidden, unseen by all, she was bound to run into everybody. This time, she encountered Lord Grantham himself. There was nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. She dreaded seeing him most of all, terrified of what he might say to her.

Anna stopped and acknowledged his presence, hoping he wouldn't bring up Mr. Bates. She hoped he would just move on and ignore her, as he had done so many other times in his life. But these days, it seemed that no matter what she did, she stood out. Perhaps the fact that Mr. Bates spoke about her increased her profile within the house and now his Lordship was prone to notice her. Mr. Bates had left rather tempestuously and had not given proper notice. His Lordship was bound to be angry and she hoped that he would not take it out on her.

"Anna."

"Yes, your Lordship", Anna answered and bowed in acknowledgement. He was standing directly in front of her. She didn't want to look him in the eyes, but she could tell that he wanted to say something. He was trying to formulate his words carefully.

"It seems we've both been had."

"Oh heavens", thought Anna to herself – the worst possible was happening. He wanted to talk about Mr. Bates. She smiled and was profusely thankful that the last vestiges of her tears had disappeared and that they would not give away the real depth of her despair. She could maintain some dignity. She looked up and bravely answered, "Yes, your Lordship".

What else could she really say? Mr. Bates departure had hurt her deeply; no doubt his Lordship felt it too. It didn't seem right for her to acknowledge anything beyond "Yes", as any further emotionality from her might make her situation worse. Lord Grantham had spoken to Mr. Bates about making sure he did not compromise her. It concerned her to think that the issue of her virtue might still be in question. She would be mortified if anybody brought it up…And then there was the issue of the cushion-settee incident….. He likely already knew, or maybe not, she thought. The women of Downton did keep a lot of things from him.

Still, she was still a little surprised that he had brought the topic up at all. She couldn't help but wonder if his Lordship was well. He was en Earl and she was a servant. He was known for his kindness, but she wondered if they should even be having this conversation.

"I don't mean to interfere", he continued, "But, I am aware of certain promises that were made to you. I'm sorry. I allowed it to happen and it wasn't right."

His eyes shown real compassion for her and they bore directly into her heart. She was stupefied. She had just heard Lord Grantham apologize to her, and for something, she knew, was certainly beyond his control. Her affection for this family increased tenfold after hearing his humane, but completely unnecessary apology.

"No need your Lordship; it was not your doing."

"Still, it is a wretched situation", he answered, and he was about to say something else, but he couldn't. Anna then saw it – she saw the pain in Lord Grantham's eyes. She saw his despair and his feelings of betrayal come to the surface. It finally dawned on her, that the most unlikely person to understand her completely would be Lord Grantham himself. They were both the direct recipients of John Bates' betrayal and now she could see that he understood that she was the only one that could understand him. It was only in an instant that she saw his vulnerability, because he was good, all the Crawleys were, at hiding their feelings and of making themselves impenetrable to the outside world. But she had seen it.

"It is wretched indeed your Lordship, but, things are never what they seem". She didn't know why she said it, she really didn't have any answers herself, but, it seemed the right thing to say. In their mutual pain, a sunny view of the situation could help, or at least chase the dread away.

He smiled at her, thinking about what she had said, and responded, "That seems optimistic". She saw the change in his eyes to mild amusement, a little happiness too, even if it was for mere seconds.

"I choose to believe that there is always a reason for the things that happen and I bear no ill will".

Lord Grantham pondered on that for a second, formulating his next response, when the door to Lady Mary's room opened and she stepped into the hall, ready to make her descent to the sitting room where she surmised the others would be waiting.

Mary looked at both at them, wondering what had transpired. Her father was grinning and Anna's demeanor was a cross between fear and calm. Her father was definitely worried about Bates and she hoped he was not railing Anna about him. It would not do to have her Ladies' Maid tormented any further.

"Is anything the matter?" she said and looked at her father, then to Anna.

"No, M'Lady", Anna confirmed.

Anna smiled at him, acknowledging that their conversation was over.

"Then, shall we go, Papa?" Mary exclaimed turning to look at her father again.

He smiled back, and turned to walk with his daughter.

Anna continued on her way, surprised and happy that in this, the most miserable time of her life, the people around her were demonstrating their humanity. She had gotten out of bed worried, expecting an infernal evening, but, so far, all her interactions had been surprising. She let herself out of the hallway and into the employee corridor, intent on facing all of servants now. No matter how well everything had turned out thus far, she dreaded heading down. They would not be as forgiving.

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**A/N: Please let me know what you think! Thank you to everybody that has left reviews, follow and alerts.**


	13. William

**William is one of the noblest characters on the show and I miss his goodness. I really love this chapter and I hope you do too! I would really love to believe that this conversation happened….**

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The evening was settling in at Downton. Anna forced herself to come down for her dinner. She was not hungry, naturally, but the sooner she settled into her routine, the quicker time would pass and she would manage to make the days go by. When she arrived to the servant's hall, the mood was quieter than normal for a full table and a little bit surreal. She took her customary place at the table, the place beside her empty. She suspected that they were scrutinizing her every move, trying to make sense of the gossip they'd heard earlier in the day. She did catch several maids looking at her. She'd not seen any of them since early in the morning when she'd had her outburst. She would have to work twice as hard to earn their respect again. How could she manage them if they had seen her at her weakest? They were gazing with curiosity, but, it did not seem to be with malice. A couple of distracted hall boys came into the hall and reacted with very definite surprise to see her sitting casually, among them. They quietly took their seat. She expected to see them snicker to each other, but they did not. Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes were also there, so, she knew that there would be no talk while the heads of the household were present. Even if somebody dared say anything, with the support they'd given her, she felt comfortable knowing that at least while she had dinner, she was safe.

Mrs. Patmore had come in a couple of times and smiled at her. She had asked what everybody thought of their meal. The cook never really cared what they all thought, so, Anna reflected that it was a little odd. It was just another practical and hearty stew and it was no different than any other day. Mr. Carson was also a little confused, but Mrs. Hughes seemed to stifle a little laugh and shared a knowing look with the cook.

Soon enough, though, both her superiors took their leave. She wasn't quite finished yet, so, she remained. She surmised that if "that" moment was to happen, then it best happen sooner than later. She wouldn't shy away from it. Half an hour passed where she remained and countless servants came and went and the oddest thing transpired – nothing at all. By the time Lady Mary rang, ready to dress for her night, she was very much confused. It didn't seem a kindness on their part, they still looked at her with curiosity, but nobody seemed willing to say anything or even turn their heads away. She then took her leave and let them be.

* * *

William and Daisy were talking in the servant's hall, as they sometimes did. Daisy had finished almost all of her duties and William had come late for his dinner. They were left alone, with everybody rushing to carry on with their personal business, as it was quite close to the end of their evening.

"Can you believe Mr. Bates has gone?" A visibly concerned William sighed. "I would have never believed that he could ever leave. He's only just come back."

In her customary manner, she rolled her eyes and exclaimed." I daren't say anything much on the matter. It was a surprise indeed, but Mrs. Patmore made us promise to be nice to Anna." William noticed that Daisy's reaction was a bit cautious. She seemed a little afraid.

"Why wouldn't you be nice?" he asked a little confused.

The scullery maid looked in both directions before answering. "Because some people think that she and Mr. Bates were, you know, together." She almost whispered the last part, scared that anybody could hear it several meters away from where they were. When William's brow furrowed in amazement, she quickly added, "But I don't believe it, honest. They are both such nice people. I daren't speak ill of either of them."

William was a little appalled and added, "Its right that you not believe it. She doesn't deserve such talk about her."

"At lunch, when you were not here, and she was still in her room, asleep, the others were talking and it was not nice, but Mrs. Patmore came and yelled at everybody. I was happy that she did. I would not have known what to say", she added sheepishly. William thought she looked adorable when she did that. She was certainly not making it easier on him to resist her.

"Well, good for Mrs. Patmore. I don't think they did anything wrong either. All I know is that he loved her." He felt very certain of that. Others would probably not have noticed. He wasn't sure about Anna's affections, but based on what he'd heard from earlier in the day, it appeared she had really been distressed by his departure. She most certainly loved him too.

"How could he love her? He left with his wife!" Daisy exclaimed, and was surprised that he would make such a bold statement. "What could he possibly know? she thought. The valet had been incredibly kind and protective of William, but, they weren't exactly close; not like confidants.

"I know", he answered and also turned to make sure that there was still nobody in the vicinity, "…..that he left with his wife, but he loved Anna". He was so very sure.

"How would you know?" an enquiring Daisy persisted. It didn't seem logical that he could love one woman and be married to another.

He looked Daisy straight in the eyes and answered, "I may not know much about women, but I know about men and what men do when they love a woman".

Daisy blushed.

"What do they do?" She was curious to hear what he would say, but wondered, "Is he still talking about Mr. Bates?" She was hoping he wasn't going to talk about them.

"I will tell you what he did. He was always looking at her, with love and respect. It was not the same look I would give her, or Mr. Carson would give her, or even Thomas could give her. It was the look of pure devotion and only he gave it to her".

"Yes", countered Daisy. "He was always looking at her very sweetly. He never looked at me that way." She was still not convinced. "…but a look doesn't mean he loved her."

"All right, I'll tell you more. Did you ever notice that whenever we walk anywhere as a group, he was always by her side? When walking, did you ever notice his arms? Even with his cane occupying one hand, his other was always outstretched, very close to her back, ready to catch her, in case she fell. It was his protective instinct. He was always scanning the ground so she wouldn't trip on rocks or branches. That was just when walking. Here, in the servant's hall, he would always leave her his biscuits at tea. She likes the custard crèmes and I know he likes them, I saw him eat plenty when he first came, but the moment he realized they were her favorite, he never once ate them again. He always gives them to her. Whenever she's late for dinner, he cuts a piece of bread from the loaf and keeps it on his plate. She likes the middle, not the ends. He keeps the middle part for her so that she is not stuck with the ends for being late. He always sets it on her plate the minute she arrives."

Daisy started to swoon with William's observations. "That seems so romantic".

"Yes", he added.

"You've noticed how much he reads? He's always juggling several books at the same time, but they change depending on the hour of the day. In the mornings and afternoons, he usually reads very philosophical or political tomes. Things that I could never understand, but in the evening, he always has Donne, or Shakespeare or the type of romantic novel she likes. He likes to read to her about love and happiness. It makes her smile, and no doubt, that is the highlight of his day".

William laughed when he looked at Daisy. You would think he had just read her some type of love poem. It seemed that Mr. Bates' actions, undetected by some, were now a source of inspiration for his lovely Daisy. If only he could get her to react like that whenever he was nice to her. He hoped he hadn't steered her in the direction of swooning for Mr. Bates. One sad Housemaid was enough. With Daisy, though, he didn't know. She was sometimes that gullible and innocent and also so very intent on always making him suffer.

"There's more. When we go to church on Sunday, he holds her satchel when they kneel down to pray. When he goes on errands for his Lordship, he always comes back from the village with extra sweets, which he always gives to her when he thinks nobody is looking. He's a gentleman, rightly he is, but he's not done any of that for you, for Mrs. Patmore, or for any of the other maids. I always wondered why he never acted upon it and asked her to walk out with him. She would have, I am sure. I now understand and can hardly think ill of him. He never asked her to walk out because he couldn't".

Daisy answered, "….but, that didn't stop him from loving her". She felt she finally understood Mr. Bates.

"Exactly", William acknowledged.

William didn't see Mr. Bates' actions towards Anna immediately. It took him a while to start detecting the tell-tale symptoms of love. Mr. Bates was something of an enigma, somebody he looked up to and appreciated. In many ways, he was a role model. He'd gone to battle, returned war wounded and stoic and had managed to make a life for himself, even when so many others were against him. If he ever found himself in an adverse situation, he hoped that he would handle it as Mr. Bates had. He'd figured it out two years ago, after the declaration of war against Germany. It was about the same time that he and Daisy had made up. He was really starting to feel more for her and perhaps it was his nervousness of love, which made him see the same traits in the valet. The declaration of war had probably made Mr. Bates very nervous as well. He couldn't imagine what would have brought it on, but it was at this time that he noticed his change towards Anna. He never spoke to Mr. Bates about this; he dared not offend or imply anything. It was not until now that he ever mentioned it to anybody at all.

With one last thought, he continued. "These are the actions of a man in love and I am sorry for Anna that he is gone. She has been so good to me and it seems hardly unfair that this has happened to her. She's almost like the big sister I never had. I don't know about her, like I said, I don't understand women, only men, but I think she loved him too".

They heard steps in the hall and as if on cue, Anna appeared. She had the victimized cushion from her early morning outburst in one hand and her sewing box in another. She sat down quietly, hoping she hadn't interrupted anything. She knew how hard it was for William to get Daisy alone.

They seemed engrossed in their conversation and she didn't want to interrupt them, so she set about finishing her task as quickly as possible and kept to herself.

A moment later, she was surprised to hear her name being called.

"Anna."

It was Daisy calling her.

"Yes?" she answered back, looking up at her.

"Are you ok?" Daisy asked demurely. She didn't know how to be tactful or if there was a better way to ask. She did not want to be forthright with Anna, but, she wanted to express her support.

"Yes", I am fine. Anna answered with a sweet smile.

"I'm very sad, you know. I really liked Mr. Bates."

"Me too", said William.

"He was very kind to me. He never yelled at me. He was never mean like the others sometimes are."

"Yes, he is a fine man", said Anna and looked down, not really trying to be a part of it. She did not really want to participate in any conversation that had the potential to make her cry.

"DAISY!" a loud shrill was heard. The scullery maid jumped out of her seat with a terrified look about her, as she heard the sound of her name being called. Mrs. Patmore needed her and she was off in an instant.

Anna was left alone with the footman.

"I am glad you are feeling better, Anna". He smiled sweetly. Anna thought William was such a fine lad. There was not a hint of malice in him and she wished that Daisy realized how good of a man he could be for her. He would make a splendid husband if she would let him. She worried for him though, he'd been talking lately about going to war and just a few days ago, he'd been handed a white feather by the wretched women who had attended the benefit concert. In the last few days, she had seen his spirit crumble. He thought himself a coward and Anna surmised that inevitably, he would go fight the war.

Anna responded to him by nodding her head and saying, "Yes. I am better". She said she was fine, but William couldn't help notice the emptiness in her eyes. This was not the habitual Anna. She was definitely going through the heartache. He so wanted to talk to her, to tell her what he knew, that which he had guessed. It might make her feel better…. Or, it could make her feel worse. He struggled to determine what course of action he could take. Would it be too forward, or too improper if he brought up the topic of Mr. Bates? He thought for another moment and decided to go ahead. If he was ever going to say what he wanted, he should do it now before Daisy came back or others entered the hall to ruin the mood.

She had gone back to her task and was not looking up, so he called her.

"Anna?"

She looked up and acknowledged him again. "Yes William?"

"I'd like to say that nobody has been kinder to me, than you, since I arrived here to Downton. Thank you. Those first weeks were very difficult, but you treated me so nicely, like a sister would. I don't have any brothers or sisters, so you are like the sister I never had."

Anna smiled at him and he saw her mood change. She was truly touched. She did not know what brought this on. "Thank you, you are like a little brother to me too."

"Can I tell you something that I would tell my sister?"

"Of course", Anna responded verbally as she also nodded her head.

"Good, because I wouldn't want to offend you".

Anna tilted her head in disbelief. "Not likely. A person such as yourself could never offend anyone". If it had been proper, she would have reached out to take his hand, but she kept back. William was the sweetest boy she knew. She couldn't understand why Daisy didn't realize what a gem the young lad was.

He turned around to make sure that there was nobody there to listen.

"I can see you are sad and I am so very sorry for what has happened."

Just minutes earlier, it seemed that Daisy was intent on bringing up Mr. Bates, but she didn't think that it was possible that William would. She had actually thought he would talk about Daisy. She had seen how his eyes had followed the scullery maid as she walked out the door. She had hoped he might ask her for advice, but she should have known, with how recent all of her gossip was, that he'd want to talk about her and the situation. Anna just stared ahead, hoping William didn't have a lecture on morality for his "sister".

"I don't know if it's a consolation for me to say this, or a worse pain, but I will say it anyway because I've now set my mind to say it. Forgive me if it is painful."

'Oh dear', Anna thought. She braced herself.

"I don't know much about the world, or women", he turned towards the kitchen, definitely implying he knew not how to gain Daisy's favor, "but I know a good, honest man when I see one. I don't know why Mr. Bates had to leave; he must have had his reasons. I liked him plenty. He was good to me and he was a good man; a just and honorable man".

Anna started to feel faint. Nobody had spoken so definitely to her about him. Everybody did their best to skirt around the topic, barely mentioning him at all. Was he assuming the worst had happened between them?

"As my 'sister', who it pains for me to see suffer, I would want you to know that he loved you. I could see it. It doesn't matter now, because he's gone away and we know he has a wife, but he loved you."

He turned around again to make sure there was still nobody in sight.

"There are some things that can't be hidden from those who know how to look. I think you know about my situation with Daisy– he stalled and looked down, clearly pained that in two years, nothing had really happened between them. "Only a man in this type of situation can see when another man is going through the same thing. I can only guess that if he's left, it is because he has no choice and he's not wanted to hurt you. But he was in my same situation."

He reached out to put his hand on top of hers, the one that had been resting on the table. "There is nothing harder for a man than to love someone and not be able to do anything about it. I could see that about him as easily as the stars in the night."

The tears in Anna's eyes had started to well up.

He pulled his hand away and noticed that Anna was getting emotional.

"Don't cry Anna. I don't want to make it harder for you."

"No, that's very sweet of you to say. I might have needed to hear that."

She still had tears in her eyes, but, she gave him the biggest smile she could muster. This was, perhaps, the kindest thing anybody could have said to her that day. It didn't take the pain away, but it validated that she had not imagined the last four years of her life.

"Anna",… William called her again, when she had drifted off to the caverns of her mind.

"Yes, William?"

"You'll let me know if anybody is mean to you? - If anybody insinuates anything?"

Anna was perplexed by what he was asking. She couldn't imagine why he would want to know if anybody was being mean to her. There were bound to be others who did not think like he did, but she would rather just keep any experiences quiet.

"What do you mean? Whatever for?"

William sat straight and as proudly and self assured as he could and responded. "As my sister, I am prepared to defend your honor."

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**Who says chivalry is dead? I present to you, one William Mason. Please let me know what you think? Only three more chapters after this. **


	14. Ms O'Brien

**So far, everybody has been wonderful to our heroine, but, Anna had to encounter some turbulence after Mr. Bates' departure…. It couldn't have been full and total support from everybody. Cue in Sara O'Brien….**

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As O'Brien walked by the servant's hall, she could hear William talking to Anna. He was going on about Anna being like a sister to him. Poor lad, she thought. He was a nice kid, even if a little spineless and wimpy. She didn't wish him ill at all. Of the entire lot of people she had to put up with, he was the nicest. He was always polite, never did or said anything with malice in mind and never got in her way. She knew he was a little afraid of her, yet, for all the nastiness that Thomas bore him, she never felt compelled to join in. She didn't know why.

They couldn't see her, crouching just outside the door,because she was not in their line of sight. She was situated against the small wall that joined both entry and exit doors into the room and if you managed to get to that point without making yourself known, all could be heard. This was the best place if you ever wanted to listen in on the servant's hall conversation, as there were hooks and knickknacks hanging in that area and one could feign purpose while standing there. She had become quite adept at making herself look as if she was working and this skill had proven useful many times before.

Now, as she stood there, she was trying to gauge whether this conversation was worth her time and effort. This day had proven full of surprises and information and she was anxious to get back to her room and write a letter. She would give it a few more minutes, though, as up until now, all she could hear was William going on about wanting to tell Anna something. She wanted to know what that something was. Knowing William, he'd want advice about Daisy. That was really the only thing that was ever on his mind. He was so transparent, so predictable. The poor footman was always chasing after the worthless girl. She didn't care if they ever got together or not, but, if anybody asked her, that foolish girl was wasting an opportunity. Daisy was not the brightest girl working at Downton and it seemed that she wouldn't advance much in her career. It would be wiser for her to accept him, get married and move on. But, it was not about Daisy and William was surprising her at this very instant. If it had been about that daft girl, she would have left as it was not important information, but, it seemed he was trying to comfort Anna regarding the whole Bates entanglement. She decided to stay and paid a little more attention now.

It was all gibberish. William was telling naïve Anna that Bates had actually loved her. What a fool William was for thinking that man could feel any love. That man was a conceited, ill-bred, and manipulative sod, whom she was sure incapable of feeling any love at all. He was taking advantage of Anna, he was not wooed or in love with her. He was married and Anna was his distraction. If she were honest, Anna was not a bad girl. Sure, Anna felt too highly of herself, but the girl was clever, kind and very capable. She was the smartest housemaid in the lot and that was the reason Mrs. Hughes valued her so much. The girl could truly get much accomplished and she never complained about what was going on. She just did her work. Before Mr. Bates arrived, they never got in each other's way and their conversations together were passable, but since she had aligned herself with him, she was insufferable. She was always on the defensive and in her eyes; the bloke could do no wrong. The naïve girl would now regret that she had ever latched on to him.

When she first saw them together, she thought Anna had pity on him. He was a cripple and he loved to bestow that "woe is me attitude". Everybody bought into it, so, Anna was not alone. Everybody, of course, except her and Thomas. They saw right through him and could tell that he was worthless. It had been very rewarding to find out that he was a drunkard and a thief. It validated everything they had suspected of him and they felt strongly that somebody like that should not be working in Downton, but the bastard had managed to convince his Lordship and Mr. Carson to keep him on. Anna was the most convinced in his defense. She had done much investigating to clear his name and it was not made known to the others what she had uncovered to help him, but, it had.

Can a man who has been to jail, really be cleared? Even if he was not guilty of his crime, he had surely picked up more questionable acquaintances and skills. Even the most sanctified of personalities cannot remain untarnished amid the festering charms of society's worst representatives. It would be impossible. Along the same line, can a drunkard really remain away from the bottle? No, they cannot, she mused. Once a drunkard, always a drunkard…. and once somebody is a thief and a drunkard, is it not obvious that it would be an easy addition to add the title of adulterer? Most worthless men were and most of the men she knew were worthless. The valet fit that description perfectly. If a thief has no regard for other's property, then, they would have no regard for their commitments. Mr. Bates forgot he was married when came to Downton. He never mentioned his wife and from what she had heard on the staircase last night, had carried on with Anna as if he were single. HE was worthless indeed.

William continued to feed Anna some nonsense about understanding Mr. Bates' predicament because he was in that same situation. She could hear him say, "There is nothing harder for a man than to love someone and not be able to do anything about it. I could see that about him as easily as the stars in the night." William was such a fool to compare himself to that man. They were worlds apart.

If he did in fact love her as William was so blatantly affirming, of course he could not and should not have done anything. He was married! If she further analyzed the situation, she could have never imagined how that had come about. Mr. Bates married? He had no charm or appeal. He was not good looking and was crippled. He didn't even have money, thus, she was rightly surprised when that bawdy and crass woman had showed up yesterday to claim him. It was perplexing to her that anybody would agree to unite themself to him. Perhaps they were destined for each other and were a good fit. He probably had to marry her. They were both coarse and vulgar, deserving of each other.

She had encountered the woman herself briefly when she first arrived. She was with Ethel in the servant's hall when that woman had made her way in to the house and introduced herself haughtily and rudely. Ethel knew nothing of Mr. Bates personality or history, as she was too new and was not as surprised as she was when Vera Bates proudly announced she was in search of her husband. She couldn't stay and listen in because her Ladyship had rung for her, but it had been a great shock to discover this. The great "can do no wrong" man was married. She wondered if Mr. Carson, Mrs. Hughes and his Lordship knew. More importantly, did Anna know?... and if she knew, when did she know?

Ms. O'Brien wanted to believe that Anna, in fact, didn't. She had never been the flirty girl with the men servants in the estate. She had been clever to steer clear of deceitful wooing and could read through poor intentions, that is, until Mr. Bates showed up. Why her instinct failed her, she would not understand and for all of Anna's cleverness, she had been very gullible – almost a lamb to the slaughter. In this aspect, Anna was dafter than Daisy and should have known her alliance was ill fated. Her and Thomas often commented about them; wondered whether that "allegiance" wasn't cover for something more, but, for all of her snooping and eavesdropping, she had not been able to corroborate that theory until last night.

She had heard them on the stairs, as she smoked and barely was able to make it out of the area before being caught. Anna was crying; sobbing really. She begged him to stay, offered herself to him, and implored him to tell her he loved her. It was painful to listen to her carry on in that manner with a man like that. She was pleased that her suspicions had been confirmed, but, listening now to William try to comfort her, it did not please her to see Anna so deflated. She didn't know why. The girl had done this to herself, they were not really friends, but Anna had never been a target of her contempt. He was the one she hated.

She continued to listen to William drone on about defending her honor. Another defender? First that bossy and loud cook and now this soppy git. It is true that she had no reason to pursue anything against Anna, but, she would never be opposed to listening to others talk about her.

As soon as William said that, Anna had stood up and walked towards the door to leave. Ms. O'Brien was caught and unable to make smooth departure, but she made herself look busy and Anna encountered her. She turned to leave and made it half way through the first flight of stairs.

"Ms. O'Brien", Anna smirked while raising an eyebrow in disdain, "Did you hear anything interesting?" Anna was sure the ladies' maid had purposefully remained in that position to listen in on the private conversation. Her feelings for Mr. Bates were already public knowledge, but, William's confession was very heartfelt and she wished it could have been kept between them.

The Ladies' Maid turned around to look at Anna. She was normally not at a loss for words, but didn't know quite what to say to her, so, she huffed and twisted her lips, as she provided Anna with a look that did not give any importance to what had just been asked of her. She continued on by observing the length of Anna, up and down, in a show of disrespect. She turned to continue climbing up the stairs.

Anna was peeved at O'Brien's scrutinizing ways. Normally, she would not care what the ladies' maid said or did, but, empowered by the showing of support she had received recently, Anna confronted the woman's standoffish attitude.

She walked up a few steps and now stood closer to Ms. O'Brien, asking in a defiant tone, "Is there anything you would like to say to me?

The older woman was affronted that Anna would be so bold. What was the housemaid thinking? She was not in any position to be smug about her recent behavior. It didn't matter that she had so many defenders and that others seemed to forgive her actions. She had heard her conversation with Mr. Bates and knew the truth about what had transpired. She hadn't intended to confront the woman, but, she needed to be taught a lesson for her overconfident attitude.

"You've got some cheek on you to be talking like that for a woman in your position."

"And what position would that be exactly?" Anna countered.

Ms. O'Brien was very quick to answer and did so with her hands on her hips.

"It would be that of an abandoned woman …. left behind by a worthless married man. Everybody here seems very quick to forget and forgive, but, if we were anywhere else, you'd be out on the street by now."

Anna flushed in horror to what the older woman was telling her. Even though the day was at an end, she should have known that if there was any certified negativity, it would be from Ms. O'Brien herself.

"Why would I be out on the street?" Anna held up her head high, determined to stand up for herself.

"You know what you are guilty of. Don't make me explain it to you."

"Oh, please enlighten me." Anna stood her ground.

"Very well, I'll tell you. You've gone and tangled yourself with a married man. You've disrespected this house and yourself. All the sass in the world won't help you now."

Anna was determined to defend herself. She would not have taken that attitude with anybody but Ms. O'Brien. She might have conceded her faults to others, but, she would not lose in the face of this woman.

"I am only guilty of loving a man who was not available to reciprocate this love. He had his reasons for leaving and I am not ashamed of these sentiments. Your assertion of an entanglement is wrong. Mr. Bates is an honorable man and I am a proper lady and what you infer is baseless. There has been nothing between us that could cause my embarrassment."

Anna would never affirm that had he given her the opportunity, she would have followed Mr. Bates to the ends of the earth, even with no respectable position in his life. That was not proper and she knew it. Her love for him was so deep, that she was capable of that and more. She understood his honorable side, but damned him for having it. These were her feelings and nobody would ever know.

"Don't play innocent with me, Anna. I heard it all, early this morning, as you ran up the stairs after him. You rightly embarrassed yourself. You offered to run away with him and he left you, so, you are not as guiltless as you would have the house believe. Others, in your situation would have been sacked."

Anna was surprised to hear this, but would not ever let it show to the woman. This had been her most private anguish and to know that somebody had listened in made her upset. She would never give her the joy of seeing her wounded or caught by her own actions, so as assuredly as she could, she countered:

"What you heard in that _private_ conversation, are words said under duress. I have no need to justify myself or my words to you. I sustain I have nothing to be ashamed of in my dealings with Mr. Bates, but if you are so sure that my actions are not worthy of this house and that an _entanglement, _as you say_,_ exists, then, take it to Mrs. Hughes and Mr. Carson. I'll stand by whatever decision they make."

The Ladies' Maid rolled her eyes.

"I've no need to. You are not that important to me and Mr. Bates is no longer here. He's really the one that needed to go. I'm just saying that you are feeling too sure of yourself and ought not to, as you have no right to let everyone think you are so pious. I know the truth."

Anna climbed a few steps and moved around her on the staircase, until she was a bit higher than Ms. O'Brien. Before she moved further up, she turned her head back, over her shoulder and concluded:

"Believe what you want to believe. I feel no shame for anything you infer or allege. Your version of the truth is now irrelevant, as he is gone. My version of the truth, I will borrow from Lord Tennyson." Anna proudly stated, "It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Can you say the same, Ms. O'Brien?"

With that, Anna increased her pace and left the sulking Lady's Maid on the staircase. She did not turn again to see what reaction, if any, was produced by her sour colleague. She quickly made her way back to her room. Ms. O'Brien could not see that even though Anna had been steadfast and unemotional in their discussion, her words did indeed cause pain. Anna would never allow Ms. O'Brien the pleasure of seeing what affect her words could produce, but as she sped along, the tears that she had fought back masterfully, came to taunt her.

* * *

O'Brien had reached her quarters and settled in for the evening. She had been irritated by Anna's foolishness, but she wouldn't allow it to bother her any further. She wanted to write Thomas a letter, to goad in happiness with the only other person who would be happy of today's news. She made herself more comfortable and propped herself up against the headboard with her pillow.

She missed Thomas' companionship and friendship. After he had left for the war, nobody was left in the house that she could relate to. They weren't so much as friends, she mused; he was more her accomplice and it just hadn't been the same without him.

She placed the writing paper against a book for support and began to write.

_Thomas,_

_I hope you are keeping yourself safe and that this letter reaches you well._

_I normally bore you with stories of Daisy's stupidity, Mrs. Patmore's bossiness, Bates' superiority complex or some odd bit regarding the pair of old fools we work for, but, this time, I think I have something better to entertain you. Bates has left the estate, rather in disgrace. If you had been here, this would have been your opportunity to finally become valet. Turns out the blithering idiot has a wife and she showed up unexpectedly yesterday. They left together this morning. He didn't say goodbye to our lot, just took off like the lowly man we always thought him to be. I heard Carson say he only gave one day notice. Lady Grantham tells me that his Lordship is beyond upset at his leaving so abruptly. With no other men to be had in England, Carson is attempting to attend to him and you should see how the old fool is struggling with it. That is not even the best bit of the story. _

_You and I suspected that Anna and Mr. Bates' friendship was a cover for something more and we have been proven right. Anna has been seen crying and inconsolable, even though Mrs. Hughes is trying to cover it up. The old woman is a fool if she thinks that this can be kept from us. It Serves Anna right for aligning herself with that cripple. I can see why he would seek her, she's fair enough to be considered pretty, but he's a crippled dirty old man with no rank, but feeling all high and mighty. How she could entangle herself with him I'll never understand. I would rather jump from the highest floor of Downton to my death, than have anything to do with the likes of him. I heard them myself last night. I went for a smoke on the stairs, you know, the fag I need when I can't sleep and I heard them coming up the stairs. It was almost dawn and the words were not all clear, but I could hear her ask him about promises he had made to her and she begged him to tell her if he didn't love her anymore. She even offered to run away with him. He said something about forgiving him and regretting making promises he couldn't keep. I couldn't hear the last part because I needed to hide. So, it seems that the dirty old man and Anna had an understanding and he abandoned her when his wife caught him. Imagine that! It makes sense we could never catch them, if all their conversations take place when we are more than asleep!_

_While everybody here has rallied around her, we know she's no better than a gutter rat. She tried to defend her actions to me, but I couldn't care less what she has to say. I'll not worry about her. He's gone and that is all that is important._

_I thought that this news would cheer you up with all that you are suffering on the Somme. _

_Lady Grantham bid me I send warmest wishes. I spoke to her about you and she was very kind in her desire to know how you are doing._

_Keep your head low in those trenches and come back from this bloody war, your friend,_

_S. O'Brien_

She put the letter in an envelope and set it aside to mail the next day. With nothing else to do that day, she blew out her candle and went to sleep.

* * *

**A/N: There is no Thomas chapter because he was off to war and he never received this letter. By the time it made its way to France, he had already been "wounded" and had been shipped back to England and the letter was likely lost. His being made finally aware of their relationship took place outside of the timeline of my story.**

**It took me a while to post this chapter (sorry) because I was "Brendanized" after attending Reverie in London (some of you may have seen my post in TUMBLR) and it took me while to get over that. Then, I decided I wanted to write another story that had been lurking in my mind since I saw 3X07. I've written about six chapters and will post the first within the next few days. So, my absence comes with something extra… Ethel chapter is also coming soon.**


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